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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

632 replies

Clary · 16/08/2011 00:40

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 16/08/2011 13:03

Lesley33

But thats the point! it isnt obvious!

merrymouse · 16/08/2011 13:04

? I'm not proposing open plan changing areas - I'm saying that if money/space is a problem and there have to be open plan changing areas, it would be good if there was an area where those who weren't bothered about mixed changing could change. For me, I have identified that place - the car park. This might not be suitable for everyone though.

If everybody is getting changed in cubicles, I have no clue why they wouldn't be mixed. It seems that most local authorities agree with me and this is why 'changing villages' with family cubicles tend to be built now.

AvrilHeytch · 16/08/2011 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

vividgingerchilli · 16/08/2011 13:06

lesley, I don't think it is - I mean 11 year boys might like to see the sight of a woman naked (though probably not me!) but so might older girls/women who are lesbians or bisexual. I would be unhappy with an adult male/older boy being in the changing rooms, why would I be happy with a lesbian female? The difference is, of course, that I wouldn't know that they were.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:06

But Lesley even with cubicles my son is not allowed to get changed with me.

I'm not asking to parade him around naked in front of people. As he has no understanding of nakedness (frequently he stands naked at our front windows) and is incredibly vulnerable I don't really want him exposed to strangers anyway. I just want him to be able to bloody swim as much as anyone else.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/08/2011 13:06

I remember my grandmother making this towelling contraption, like a very full long 'skirt' with a hole for her head. Her head was the only thing you could ever see and she got changed at her leisure under this 'thing'.

There is no money for councils to update leisure facilities. As far as I know, they're not even mandated to provide them at all. There really are solutions if somebody wants them enough.

I agree with SardineQueen about mixed changing, it does always seem to be the boys/men who are accommodated over the girls/women and that's wrong. SN or not, I think that over a certain age, people need to be in changing rooms suited to their gender and the parents/carers make the necessary adjustments, not the other users of the facilities.

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 13:07

What about boys that have experienced sexual abuse from men and are afraid of going in the men's changing area on their own?

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 13:07

Oh I am going to bugger off as I am getting irritated and unreasonably so.

I always try to facilitate a life for ds2 that allows him to do as much as possible whilst bothering others as little as possible. So he doesn't swim. But the thread is all about how the women are penalised.

If you child doesn't have sn teach him to change on his own and the problem reduces immediately. And I will just get a pool in the bloody garden.Grin

Shoutymomma · 16/08/2011 13:08

LWitW - I have one of those!! It's the mutts nuts.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:09

vivid seriously you are way off the mark there.

Are you arguing for all facilities to be mixed and open plan? That is the logical conclusion of what you are posting.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:09

Ha ha ha at 90 minutes a week being 'an effort to accommodate those who coukdn't not otherwise access the facilities'

And in that we see the desperate need for the DDA

AvrilHeytch · 16/08/2011 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

halcyondays · 16/08/2011 13:11

Our council not only updated their changing facilities a few years back, but they are building a shiny new, Olympic size swimming pool, plus a leisure pool. Although, probably the funding for it was approved a few years ago.

vividgingerchilli · 16/08/2011 13:11

No...I just wondered why women would it unacceptable to have an older male child who was interested in looking at women's bodies in a sexual way when they'd presumably not even think about whether a woman in there might also be interested.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:12

halcyondays so we can have two communal changing rooms

one set for men and boys over 10 (or whatever it is)
one set for women carers with boys under 10, boys and men over 10 with sn, and boys and men who have been sexually abused by men

the other women and girls can all stay at home (unless they dont mind getting their fanny out in front of a load of men)

job done!

Everyone is arguing very vigorously that all of these males should be in teh womens communal changing rooms. And that if women dont like it they should stay away.

It seems like a very one-sided approach.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:13

Ha I am following pagwatch but our garden is too small for a pool so we'll head to the sea. Weird that so many cannot understand that some disabled teen girls want to swim with their fathers.

MumblingRagDoll · 16/08/2011 13:13

God I cansee how lucky we are to have family rooms with locking cubicles! I wouldn't be happy with boys of over 8 in the womens room though.

If you reverse it, it would be like my DH taking our DDs in the mens....not ok....boys of 9 who are NT DO NOT need clucking over.

If they're slow then tell them off.

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 13:15

Avril

Fwiw.
As a girl who was abused I would have felt much safer in a changing room with random men than with the charming, reliable, trusted family friend/relation who were and are actually most likely to have assaulted me.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:16

Vivid

I suppose you could take into account the fact that most people are heterosexual, and that our culture countenances males looking at (and commenting on) women's bodies in a way that it does not countenance the other way around.

I think that a conversation of the wider issues around that is one for another thread though.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:16

Sardine how are you turning this into women being oppressed? That's lunacy.

I would like all people with learning disabilities (or other disabilities involving a carer) to be able to swim when they like. Full stop. I don't demand my son be around girls. I prefer to keep him away from teenage girls as they often laugh at him.

The only way in that this is remotely a feminist issue is that most carers are female (hence the SN boy + female carer issue comes up more often than other combination).

midnightexpress · 16/08/2011 13:16

Confused - surely nowhere has open-plan communal changing rooms though? We have communal changing villages, open to poolside in all council pools in Glasgow, but it's all in cubicles. I don't see what the problem is with that for anyone? You're going to see everyone in their cossies in the pool anyway, so what's the problem with seeing people in their cossies in the changing area?

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:19

Yes people do have open plan communal changing rooms midnight, it's what the thread is about.

"The only way in that this is remotely a feminist issue is that most carers are female (hence the SN boy + female carer issue comes up more often than other combination)."

Well not "remotely" the fact that its mainly women who look after children and people with SN is a huge feminist issue surely?

If there were more equality there and as many men were taking children / people with SN swimming as women, then this issue would go both ways. As it is this thread is about males in the female changing rooms, which is what these threads are always about.

saintlyjimjams · 16/08/2011 13:22

Oh FFS sardine. As I have said above I take my son swimming because my husband oes not swim well enough in the pool to take him. Likewise my friend's husband likes to take his daughter as he is the swimmer. It is not a feminist issue. It's simply about councils providing equal access.

Changing villages are a perfectly acceptable solution and one that should be adopted everywhere.

SardineQueen · 16/08/2011 13:26

It's not equal access if large numbers of women and girls are put off going swimming by older boys and men in the changing rooms.

At the moment I think most places have cubicles, rules about maximum ages for children, and many have special sessions for those with SN.

It seems that there are some who want these things changed in ways that i think would put a lot of females off swimming and I don;t think that is fair.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 16/08/2011 13:26

'Changing villages are a perfectly acceptable solution and one that should be adopted everywhere.'

I think that is the obvious solution. Now, how to get the funding?
A campaign of feminists/SN parents/Helicopter mothers/over-anxious parents/tween and teen age girls and any or all variants of the same.
Do you think anyone would listen?