Fed up with boys in women's changing rooms at pool

[Clary]

Not really AIBU, more may I rant please?

Actually wrote longer post then seem to have lost it, but wanted to moan about number of big lads I have spotted lately in women's changing rooms at pool. Rule is 8yo and over go in correct sex room.

I tend to say nothing having been verbally attacked before, and also told I W A bit U; but today I did query it with a woman and was told such nonsense as "they won't let them go in the men's as they are too young" (they were 9 and 10) and "nobody uses the men's anyway" (??!!).

Told the staff and they said they would tell the women when she came out; but really, why do people think their 10yo boy must change in the women's? What 10yo boywants to anyway? I am not mad about him standing there as I get changed and if I were a 14yo girl I would probably be very unhappy.

The woman today said "well, all the mums will be washing their kids after the swim" eh?? My 8yo can be a bit hopeless but even he can manage a reasonable shower and dress deal. What is the matter with people?

And breathe. Vent over, thanks for listening

SardineQueen, is your changing room full of men with SN?

My point was that if anyone with sn needed to be with their mum to get help getting changed, then it should be obvious.

I don't know where some posters think the money is going to come from to create family cubicles or mixed changing rooms. Our council wants to closae some swimming pools - it is not going to spend money doing this however ideal.

My DS would have been very embarassed and unhappy to change in changing rooms with boys her own age at 8 plus. I don't think she would BU. I wouldn't like to change in a changing room with adult men, so why should she have to?

In terms of drying and changing for an adult with severe SN - problems with this is why many pools run sessions for severely disabled people. I used to attend one of these with with a disabled woman. This session was necessary not just because of changing room issues, but also because IME severely disabled people including those with autism, often struggle to cope in a pool with kids splashing about.

"However no-one on this thread is calling for adult women with SN to be allowed to change in the mens changing room. "

Because we are mostly women and that particular issue doesn't arise!!

We are talking about pools with open-plan changing areas, here. If it was about pools with cubicles there wouldn't be a problem would there.

It is about people with SN being allowed in the opposite sex changing rooms irrespective of age. Due to teh way ou society is, this usually means males in teh female rooms. Females who are uncomfortable with this should suck it up or stay away.

I think this is an overly harsh line and do not agree with it.

Where are people calling/demanding that men with sn go into womens changing rooms?

Aren't people mostly saying that they wish there were better facilities and some of us are saying how difficult it is if your child has sn. And that some of our dc can't swim anymore.

Just because no one has said it doesn't mean the issue isn't there.

Also many many women struggle to get dried and dressed without exposing their body. Certainly my hidden disability that makes me very clumsy, would make it hard to dry and dress myself in an open changing room without flashing anything. Many older women with arthritis, etc would face the same problem.

But that doesn't really matter does it - as long as your DS is okay?

merry as I have said many times on this thread, all of the pools around here have cubicles.

If I had an open plan cubicle at the pool I would not be happy with men with SN changing in there.

I do not see what is so outrageous about that.

Sardine my local pool HAS cubicles. But in separate male/female areas - so it IS a problem as ds1 is not allowed in with me.

merrymouse said that it should be that way, upthread.

Well, not to be picky and all but no, my ds actually isn't ok. So you can change in peace.

Do people have a problem with lesbian or bisexual females in the female changing room? Or gay/bisexual men in the men's changing room?

I don't think it is always obvious that someone has sn and needs help. Somebody might see an older child who looks "normal" being helped to get dressed by a parent and assume it's just mollycoddling, rather than that they are struggling because of sn.

saintly this is about open plan changing areas.

Not about changing areas with cubicles. I personally wouldn't mind someone with SN changing in any area with cubicles. Why would I? No-one can see anything, no-one's privacy is compromised.

Lesley as already said my son is severely autistic (non verbal 12) but given the comments he gets is not noticeable. Anyway the pool management won't allow him in a mixed changing room.

Yes disabled swimming sessions are great (full of laid back people for starters) but they're 90 minutes a week. God knows what i'd do if we weren't heathens.

Avril.
See jimjams post 12:56

"saintly this is about open plan changing areas."

So the problem is a lack of appropriate changing facilities! Not specifically about boys in male changing.

Saintly - Other posters including me have said that our pools only have communal changing rooms. Just because the pools where you live are cubicle only, doesn't mean that that is the case for everyone.

vivid in our culture it is usual for women to share facilities with women, and men with men.

It is not usual for women and men to take their clothes off in front of each other in these facilities.

For example lots of changing rooms in shops used to be communal, but never mixed sex.

People can't be expected to ignore a lifetimes cultural conditioning in one situation and one alone. Either we take our clothes off in front of each other or we don't. At the moment our culture says that at pools we don't.

You can see that developing girls and old women and even, yes even a lot of women between those ages might feel uncomfortable undressing in front of men?

Avril, I don't think it's so much because of a physical threat from boys, it's more that young girls would be embarrassed by boys or men seeing them getting changed? Boys may also be embarrassed if they have to change in front of girls. Of course none of thus should be a problem if there are plenty of cubicles.

vivid - I kind of think your point is irrelevant. As adults changing facilities are separated according to sex and that is the culture of our society. So mixed sex wards in hospitals have been complained about by many people.

Would you be happy to dry and change yourself in a communal changing room with adult males?

Avrilheytch

It was me that said I no longer take my son swimming.

This thread is simply going to continue to be about the perceived sidelining of women rather than the actual issue with is a general lack of appropriate family changing so I'm going to hide it.

whilst not every pool may be able to provide family changing, most could which would provide a choice for those who need it.