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AIBU?

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7yo dd was told at swimming pool to wear the top part of her bikini

333 replies

vacaloca · 15/08/2011 21:48

I sent the kids to a holiday club today where they have a pool. They were wearing the bottom part of a bikini and the 7yo (very skinny as well) was told to wear the top part of her bikini tomorrow. I think that's just weird and I'm feeling a bit upset about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 08:48

I think people were talking about the risk of the staff facing accusations when they have to tell developing kids that yes they do have breasts so they need to wear a top.

wordsonapage · 16/08/2011 08:48

Dd is seven a d wears bikini bottoms and a rash vest purely because the middle eastern sun is so strong. Ds aged nine wears speedos as he says they're more comfortable than flappy shorts and a rash vest as well.
When we lived in England I think dd s swim nappy came with a cropped bikini top which being neon pink looked ridiculous so she wore it once ..she was 8 months though...

ensure · 16/08/2011 08:49

I say YANBU.
Little girls in bikini bottoms do not look rude or inappropriate to me.

SofiaAmes · 16/08/2011 08:53

In Italy, little girls do not wear bikini tops until they have breasts. Perhaps the OP is not from the UK and does not realize that customs in the US and UK are a little more prudish.

TandB · 16/08/2011 08:56

I don't see the big deal, OP. While I have no problem with small children running around in just pants, or wearing age-appropriate bikinis for that matter, I can entirely understand why you were asked to have her wear a top in a holiday club.

Plenty of places have rules about appropriate attire - there are hotels with rules about no swim wear in certain areas etc - and it is simply not practical to expect staff to exercise their discretion on each and every case, given the different rates at which children develop and the difficulty in estimating a child's age accurately. Clearly, at some stage in their development, it will become appropriate for a girl to cover her chest in most social situations. The boys v girls argument isn't really relevant as we live in a society where women's breasts are seen as private, and men's chests are not - that isn't going to change any time soon. So at some stage, every girl will find that it is no longer appropriate for her to be topless.

While it should be the case that parents can be left to make this decision, the fact is that whenever there is a rule, there will be people who don't want to obey the rule. A holiday club can't have its staff constantly embroiled in arguments with parents about whether the rule should apply to their individual child. There is also huge potential for embarrassment to the children themselves. Can you imagine two girls, one of whom has begun to develop breasts and is self-conscious about it, the other who has not started developing at all...and is self-conscious about it. The staff make a judgement call that the older-looking girl must cover up but the other one need not - an argument with the parents ensues - "oh but they are both the same age". Two very embarrassed children are the end result.

Is it not so much more straightforward if there is a blanket rule so that no child has to be singled out as "too developed" - they are just told "look, this is the rule and it applies to everyone."?

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 08:58

Arghhhh no - little girls don't look rude without a top on but little girls eventually turn into women with boobs. It shouldn't be left up to a possibly self-concious developing child to decide when they need to cover up. Particularly if they are developing early and just want to wear the same as their friends. And if saving possible embarrassment means a 6 month old has to wear an unnecessary bikini top then what's the problem? I've never seen the bottoms sold without the top so most people will have them.

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:00

Because a 6-month old with a bra on look obscene. That's why.

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:02

I think a child with a bra looks more obscene that a pubescent girl with nothing on top.

Shoutymomma · 16/08/2011 09:03

"Obscene"?? You have a problem.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 16/08/2011 09:03
MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:06

Yes because bikini tops for babies look like bras don't they Hmm

The boys don't have to wear one argument makes no sense either. Medical conditions aside boys will never develop breasts. You could perhaps argue that all women should be allowed to bare their chests publicly. But if you're not in favour of this then breasts need to be covered publicly once they start to develop and it is unfair and potentially embarrassing to leave it up to the kids themselves to decide when. I'm also pretty certain that if there was no rule about bikini tops and it was left to self regulate some fully developed women would go without. Wouldn't bother me particularly but it would some I'm sure.

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:06

So I have a problem because I don't think a child should cover up? OK. So be it.
For what is worth most of the world population has the same problem as me.
Only in the UK/US would you have this debate.

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:08

OK Maternelle so if they have no rule and a developed 9 yo gets in the pool with no top on with her flat-chested friend what do you think it would be appropriate for the staff to do?

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:11

She should be allowed to wear a bikini bottom the same as the others. I can't see the issue.
Who is it going to offend/shock?

Morloth · 16/08/2011 09:12

How come women's breasts have to be covered in situations where men's do not?

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:12

Bikini tops do look like bra. Fact.
This is just what they are.

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:16

So if a prematurely developed child can go topless why not an adult?
And kids bikini tops look nothing like a bra - they don't have cups or wiring. They look like a shortened vest

Vintagepommery · 16/08/2011 09:16

What's wrong with a 7 yo wearing a bikini?? My dds have bikinis - it's just a 2 piece swimming costume not a skimpy mini-adult thing

Sparkletastic · 16/08/2011 09:20

My main reason for hating bikinis is that I would have to slather my DDs is so much more suncream due to all the exposed skin. Mine happily wear the surfer swimwear cycling shorts / top combos as then I only need to attack their forearms and legs with the sun spray. They can whip down the shorts easily when they need the loo. Everyone's a winner Grin

Maternelle · 16/08/2011 09:21

I am sorry they ARE BRAS
Their whole point is to cover breasts. Non-existent breasts, therefore sexualising little girls.
Need to dash. I don't think we will agree.

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:21

I think womens breasts are considered 'rude' while men's aren't because they have a secondary sexual function. They apparantly evolved to mimic the shape of the bum as females with this characteristic were more successful in attracting a mate.
You could argue that all women should be allowed to be topless like men or that everyone should be allowed to be publicly naked but I think our culture is a long way off that and with it being as it is I think the rule described in the OP is entirely sensible.

piano10 · 16/08/2011 09:23

Havnt read any of this thread, but IMHO its ridiculous. Why should she have to at 7 yrs old. FGS.

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:24

I see you have chosen to put a link to ones that are bra-style. There is absolutely no necessity to buy that type. It's like saying that all shoes are provocative because they sell heels for kids. Most I have seen are like this www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140575365325

Very sexy I'm sure you'll agree Hmm

Morloth · 16/08/2011 09:24

I think I will argue from now on that everyone should be allowed to be topless.

It is stupid that women should cover their breasts in situations where men do not have to. Doesn't make any sense.

MightyQuim · 16/08/2011 09:25

Darn link! www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140575365325

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