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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't agree with the MN feminists. AIBU?

1007 replies

jennyvstheworld · 15/08/2011 10:17

I consider myself an active proponent of equality of opportunity and a stern critic of discrimination... and yet I find that I can't identify with many of the viewpoints I encounter on the MN feminism page (and often say so). AIBU?

OP posts:
organicgardener · 16/08/2011 23:12

BBQ...settle down you're officially frothing dear.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 16/08/2011 23:12

And it better not involve my cushions.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 16/08/2011 23:12

Fair enough.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 16/08/2011 23:13

Alpaca sex would have no respect for artfully aranged scatter cushions. In fact, said cushions might get eaten. Or shat on.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 16/08/2011 23:14
evenlessnarkypuffin · 16/08/2011 23:15
Shock In which case I might have a nice rug by the chaise longue.
BBQFrenzy · 16/08/2011 23:18

How much would you be ..er.. charging for that service Puffin? Would it be a retrospective or corrective scotch-guarding service at all? Covering the London area mebbe?

Loving the Michael Winner impression OG suits you, sir Grin - am assuming you haven't lost your sense of humour and are still joshing along?

jennyvstheworld · 16/08/2011 23:20

I'm not sure I can get over the hither-to unknown sexual appetites of alpacas... Grin

OP posts:
organicgardener · 16/08/2011 23:21

Hehehehe life's too short BBQ :)

How much would it cost to recover a chaise longue?

evenlessnarkypuffin · 16/08/2011 23:25

I would have to research steam cleaning equipment. And buy gloves. Many, many gloves.

POI, alpacas need not apply.

Portofino · 16/08/2011 23:28

3.And surely feminism means I can never watch He is a nice boy with a long term gf, but....

Whatmeworry · 16/08/2011 23:34

Crikey - leave feminists alone for a few pages and they turn to bestiality! Clearly you all cannot be trusted need the fim hand of a man on your behinds guiding you :o

Whatmeworry · 16/08/2011 23:35
organicgardener · 16/08/2011 23:36

I still prefer my spelling.

Chaise lounge.

It's Anglo-French.

That's made up too :)

Whatmeworry · 16/08/2011 23:37

Chase Lounge (its got castors....)

BBQFrenzy · 16/08/2011 23:39

I was sitting behind some bloke in a cafe today who was chatting about 'pumping' these girls and how he'd pumped her and her and he would pump her yada yada (was imagining the poor women in question slowly inflating like helium balloons and sailing away during sex while I ate my chips). Anyway, skip to the end, tenuous link which leads me to think of "packing an alpaca". YUK. Chickens this is all your fault. I trust you are dispensing free brainbleach with your allusions to alpaca loving. Please.

BBQFrenzy · 16/08/2011 23:41

Good one Whatme Grin

organicgardener · 16/08/2011 23:46

Alpacas banging the stuffing out of everyones new chaise longues.

Not a pretty sight :)

jennyvstheworld · 17/08/2011 07:35

Whatmeworry My 50+ (and generally very pleasant) male nieghbour was speaking to me recently and related a story about him being at a party and 'affectionately' patting the behind of a friend's wife and being firmly rebuked for it. "Was it not allowed?" he asked. "Err... really... just.. no", I replied. His scolded-puppy expression made me laugh, but I do wonder whether people live in some vacuum where they just don't notice changing social attitudes. 'Old dogs and new tricks' I suppose...

OP posts:
Wamster · 17/08/2011 08:22

What I've experienced with the feminism boards is the cliched outpourings of people who trot out the same old cliches without thought. Cross 'em, though, and they can be as vicious as a half-starved pack of dobermans.

There was a thread recently where an unfortunate person outlined two incidences of sex and questioned if either -or both- of these were rape.

The first incident took place while the person was drunk and genuinely could not remember whether or not she had consented to it. The sane response to this would be: "I'm sorry I do not know if you had been raped or not as you say by your own admission that you cannot remember what happened. If you cannot remember, then, yes, it is possible that he sought your consent and you refused and thus you were definitely raped. If you cannot remember, then you may have given your consent and were not raped.*

The concept that not remembering what happened after the event does not necessarily mean to say that consent was not given during the event never occurs to them. Many a person has enthusiastic consensual sex while drunk and cannot remember it next morning.

So irresponsible of them not to point this out. I would simply have to say ' If you don't remember if you consented or not, then I honestly do not know if it was rape' But, no, there is no room for doubt with some feminists.

The second incident took place where the woman remembered everything she said no to sex to the man and he continued- a clear case of rape (the fact that they had had sex before this incident is an irrelevancy to my mind. A lot would think 'She said yes before, so it is not').

But did anybody say: 'Sorry not sure about first incident, may have been rape, may not have been. But the second incident, yes, definitely rape'. Course not.

swallowedAfly · 17/08/2011 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VictorGollancz · 17/08/2011 08:30

So why didn't you give that as your reply to the thread, Wamster? Posters are entitled to give their opinion freely - so one poster feels that the first situation outlined is rape, while you do not (of course, the only think that matters is what the OP thought about it). What is the problem here?

'So irresponsible of them' - MN feminists aren't the police, they aren't counsellors, they aren't lawyers (well, some of them are, obviously - but on MN they're off-duty). They are feminists.

StewieGriffinsMom · 17/08/2011 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jennyvaultsthewagons · 17/08/2011 08:44

Wamster, I agree that there are some very black and white attitudes applied to an issue where there are many shades of grey; anyone who deviates from the more hardline view is instantly dismissed as a 'rape and DV apologist' and given a good flaming. This is clearly a barrier to objective debate of the issue, but I think two things need to be borne in mind. Firstly, many of the posters have some pretty horrible personal experiences and you can't expect this not to have some bearing.

Secondly - and far more importantly - there are still a great many men in the UK (never mind the world) who act in a very aggresive and bullying manner in their pursuit of sex. Whilst there may some truth, therefore, in pointing out the various technical differences in situations, I do not think there is necessarily any merit - for the following reason: I do not think that we are in a situation where it is easy for an innocent man to fall foul of the law; on that basis, and even though I feel uneasy with the manner in which the debate is conducted, the more society can cement the non-acceptablility of male aggression, the better.

Whatmeworry · 17/08/2011 08:58

I think the MN Feminist view of rape is one of the things that really reduces their credibility TBH. if they were less strident, less black and white, less "all men are rapists and all sex is a rape unless the woman signs up for sex in triplicate" I think they would do themselves a huge power of good.

It is precisely because they are so OTT on this issue that they get all the trolling, windups etc

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