to think that people should call before popping round?

[robotlollypopman]

Am I really alone in thinking this? My DW's family have a habit of just popping over at any time, more often than not without calling first. My DW says this i because they live locally. I don't have many days off work and use them to play on my PS3 etc. When they come over, I'm expected to stop everything and talk to them at the risk of being antisocial otherwise. I believe that it is more antisocial to just show up. Today, my family have done the exact same and I have complained to them about it as I was just settling down to watch the football. They have accused me of being miserable. Is it really that unreasonable? When our DS was born, we didn't have 5 mins to ourselves due to people just popping over. It takes 20 secs to let us know that somebody is on their way. AIBU? Really?

You've nailed it, cat64. A lot of those saying people need to give notice before coming round give the reasons as being that they need to tidy/dress/put on make-up before they can let people in. If you just don't care about that sort of thing ? and, more importantly, expect others not to judge you by the state of your house or hair ? popping in is not such a problem. Or at least it's not such a problem from that point of view. It is still annoying if you just wanted to sit on your own with a book, or were in the middle of a shag or something

think this sums this kind of stuff up quite well!

I have always liked people to pop in if they are passing and I work full time. But some people like it, some hate it. I don't actually think there is a clear right or wrong answer here.

But if you don't want people to pop in, just don't answer the door.

Interesting thread, but quite sad in a way.

joric - I have very little time to myself and like people popping in. I am very sociable and people popping in is always much easier than people arranging to visit. If people arrange to visit you have to tidy up the house, etc. If people pop in they take you as they find you.

Although if people pop in and I am busy with something I have to do I will talk to them for 10 minutes and then be honest e.g. I'm sorry I have got to get on with x,y or z.

FreePeaceSweet Yes, it's not a good idea to go into too much detail with excuses! "I'm just about to go out" is usually sufficient.

Or if you want to be really off-putting, just look furtive and embarrassed and mutter darkly that it's not convenient right now, and give no details at all! :)

I love the Hyperbole and a Half link . Soooo going to use the "I'd love to hang out, but I have to go sit in my house by myself" line one day!

The tidying-up and being-presentable thing.

I look at it this way. If people let me know they're coming, I feel obliged to scurry around cleaning and tidying. If they don't let me know, I don't have to do it!

Mind you - I know some people (well-educated and professionally employed) who live in a house of unbelievable clutter, filth and squalor and appear to be entirely at ease, as do their (adult) children who are the same. Thus I no longer ever feel remotely embarrassed about the state of my house :)

Hyperbole and a half is THE best website. The God of Cake has to be one of the funniest cartoons I've ever seen.

You're neither reasonable or unreasonable. You either mind it or you don't. Neither is right or wrong.

Personally, I only have 1-2 days off a week and I actually quite like people popping round unannounced. If we really don't want to be disturbed (dull euphemism for shagging) then we won't answer the door. If we're busy, we might tell someone that we only have a couple of minutes, if I'm watching the football then I'll tell them they're welcome to come in, but I'm watching the football. I may ask them if they've bought any beer with them. If I were playing my PS3 then obviously I'd BITE OFF MY OWN HANDS IN SHAME BECAUSE I'M A BLOODY ADULT .

I think its a pre-mobile phone thing where if you found yourself near a friend's house for whatever reason you might just give a knock on the off-chance but not be offended if it was a bad time or they were out. I think if people are making a special visit to see you then a ring ahead might be reasonable. On our road we're all constantly knocking on each other's doors to borrow this and that for the kids/dinner/whatever crap we're up to and I think it gives a nice little vibe to our street.

Maybe 'poppers in' at some point stopped being generous enough to 'take you as they found you', and gossiped about house being untidy etc.

How horrible of them if so! Still, if I heard that someone had been gossiping about the state of me or my house I'd think badly of them, not of myself.

Ooooh, I hope you didn't mean me The case I mentioned is an extreme example.

Percy, no, of course not. Hadn't even really registered your comment, tbh (just went back through and found it). If I had a problem with what you'd said I would address you direct and by name, not as a generalisation.

I don't like it either. I feel invaded.

My inlaws do it a lot and it's usually at quite inconvenient times. ie a Sunday when for once we're all together as a family and would like a bit of peace from the outside world. But I am the sort of person who gets quite prickly about my own space and privacy and mil is the polar opposite.

Basically you are either a 'popper rounder' or you're not. No way are the two characteristics ever going to 'get' one another's viewpoint. Popper rounders just consider those that don't like it to be uptight and unsociable and should lighten up. Non-popper rounders think that they are more considerate of other people's space and time and don't like to just land on people or have it happen to them.

One thing about being a non-popper rounder though - it can't get on anyone's wick. Whereas the popper rounder trait def does have that potential..

(This is starting to sound like that Micky Flanagan 'out out' routine)

I was once told that there is an ancient law which has never been repelled, that says you can't visit people unannouced, that you have to send a note a first stating you intention to come calling.
I do not know if this is true, its just something that has stuck in my mind for the last 25 years.

YANBU at all. I absolutely HATE it. And my Mum lives on my road!

BirdOfPassage, you've hit the nail on the head! We used to be friends with another couple and we'd often pop round to each others houses, sometimes arranged, sometimes not. I thought we were really close friends and it just so happened that my Mum ocassionally worked where her Dad worked. There was one time when they popped round and the house was a complete tip, but I thought we were close and that it didn't matter - friendship is more important, right!? Boy was I wrong - apparently her dad commented to my Mum about the state of our house a few times, in a work setting too! It took my mum months before she could actually tell me. This was actually the last straw for me as there had been lots of other 'ishoooos' between us. We haven't seen each other for many years now and my life is all the richer for not having her in it.

Anyway, I digress... yes I think that is the reason I'm not keen on people popping round unnanounced, unless they are very close to me.

after writing this ive seen how long it is, so sorry, there is a point to it, promise!

no your are not being unreasonable at all! my mum has retired recently from the same career path as me, and as i am now on mat leave (due this time next month) she keeps coming round with no notice.
in the past week:

she has phoned saying 'can i come round?' answer, 'yes, later, still in pj's' (10am). she then said, ok, il come round at the weekend instead'.HUH?

the next day she rings again, 'are you up?'
'yes'
'good, can you open the door please?' (WHAT THE HELL sprang to mind at that point). after 10 days straight at work, it was my OH's day off, so we were happily watching tv (in pj's - 9am), with intentions of doing the washing up, washing etc later that day. we felt we had no choice but to let her in, but needless to say we were getting annoyed at this point.

the following day (!) she knocks on the door again with no notice. id had a bad night, so was 'asleep' in bed (ignoring the door). my OH is on the pc doing his work, she proceeds to knock on the living room window at him and points at the door. he had no choice but to answer the door, for fear of appearing rude. luckily he had the opportunity to say i didnt want to be disturbed, so he stopped her at the door before she could come in demanding a cup of tea - i love my OH!

finally, today - i promise there is a point to my saga of a story - she knocks on the door again with no notice, by phone or text. I snapped, finally.

i very calmly told my OH to hide in kitchen so she cant see him from the door, and to stay quiet. i then took my t-shirt off - bra underneath! - and quickly open the front door wide open (il add at this point that there are no houses opposite us, and we live in a very quiet cul-de-sac) to reveal my rather large 8 month belly complete with stretch marks, and rather p'd off expression.

the look of shock and confusion on her face was priceless - 'why have you answered the door like that?!'

'because we were about to have sex Mum, we were halfway through getting undressed and you knocked on the door. as we were in a bit of a hurry to get upstairs ive answered it dressed like this. perhaps now you'll ring or text first to ask if it is convenient to come round?'

she left rather quickly, and obviously told dad when he got home from work. got a call from him asking what the hell had happened, with mum expecting him to have a go at me. he didnt, he completely sided with me, i think she's got my point.

moral of the story, dont just ring to say you're coming round, ask me if it is convenient! otherwise operation embarass parents will be started.....

judge all you like if you want, my method worked for me!