to think that people should call before popping round?

[robotlollypopman]

Am I really alone in thinking this? My DW's family have a habit of just popping over at any time, more often than not without calling first. My DW says this i because they live locally. I don't have many days off work and use them to play on my PS3 etc. When they come over, I'm expected to stop everything and talk to them at the risk of being antisocial otherwise. I believe that it is more antisocial to just show up. Today, my family have done the exact same and I have complained to them about it as I was just settling down to watch the football. They have accused me of being miserable. Is it really that unreasonable? When our DS was born, we didn't have 5 mins to ourselves due to people just popping over. It takes 20 secs to let us know that somebody is on their way. AIBU? Really?

No one ever pops round unannounced - DP and I are always very confused when doorbell rings unexpectedly. I like to know when people are coming so I can make sure I'm not slobbing in DP's trackie bottoms, the place is clean and tidy.

Robotlollypopman I HATE people interrupting my gaming time - "American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns" will not complete itself!

I really do think that how easy going/ relaxed you are about people dropping by/ popping in does depend on how much time you have to yourself in the day.

I am out Mon-Fri v. early morning until tea time- then out again until 8pm 3 evenings...
I need the other two to just relax...
Weekends, I arrange to meet friend's and family.

I probably wouldn't hate 'just popping in' so much in different circumstances.

Chipping, I would think people rude if they just dropped by/ popped in for half an hour or an hour ... Rude because it's inconsiderate.

YANBU - I think of my house as my refuge from the world and hate it when I'm disturbed from that.

Worst ever popper in experience was DP's grandmother & aunt, who lived ten minutes away. They had arranged to visit us at 13:00, when DS was 2 weeks old and on 3 hourly feeds. DP went shopping at 10:00 to buy in supplies of biscuits. At 10:30 there was a knock at the door, which I ignored. More knocks on the door - I'm not expecting anyone, our car isn't outside so we don't appear to be in, I'm in my dressing gown, trying to feed DS, I look like shit, just bloody sod off doorknocking people - door knocking stops. Two minutes later, I hear the unmistakeable squeak of our back door opening. Belt to the bedroom with DS, hear voices in the kitchen and realise that DP's grandmother and aunt are in our house, looking for us. DS is thankfully silent, so I lay us both down as though we are sleeping, only for DP's grandmother to push open the bedroom door and say 'I thought you were in!'

Yes of course they should, I loathe being surprised at home. I even resent getting phone calls when I'm not expecting them.

I love having people over, but I like to be expecting them. Early in our relationship, some of DH's family were coming for the day and were an HOUR early. This meant that they arrived before they even needed to have left the house.
I wasn't dressed, hair still wet, food prep not finished.

DH sent them to a cafe and told them to come back at the appointed hour

They still love me, although I'm sure they heard the shrieking from upstairs

Ordinarily I'd be thrilled if one of my pals dropped in for a cuppa ontheir way past, likewise and of my family or SILs. If it was MIL onthe otherhand, I'd think she was intruding, largely because we don't like eachother!

I love people popping in and they help entertain the kids, but I also like warning. A call on the way is perfect and at least give us time to deal with the worst mess. I'd ask family to call ahead and if there is one day that's best make sure they know. How do you have time to play ps2 with kids anyway?

By coincidence, suddenly realised a few days ago why people used to keep a 'parlour' (even poor people). This was a room kept spic and span all the time, and never used except when people called. This was obviously the time when 'popping in' was normal. I knew some families that had this (mine didn't) and I could never understand why they (to my mind) wasted a whole room. Now I get it.

I absolutely hate anyone popping in. I like a days notice. I won't answer the door if I am not expecting anyone.
OP, I don't blame you for being annoyed. My dh enjoys his sports and music as well. I agree lot's of adults play video games, and it is important to be able to relax in your own home.

Tell them you will have a cup of tea, then say "Well, back to my game."

I love these type of threads cos it reassures me that i am normal-ish.
As i have got older i HATE unnanounced visits and some announced ones too haha. I dont even answer my house phone after 9 i hate it when you do and someone has just phoned for a chat.It having young kids i think,your time to youself is so limited you just dont want it intruded on.

I'm interested that so many of the non-fans of poppers-in on here give reasons such as 'I like some notice so I can tidy up/I don't want to be in PJs when someone comes round.' Makes me feel like a right slob! I am of the take-me-as-you-find-me school, and if someone comes round when there's dirty dishes in the sink/mess on the kitchen table/I'm in slob-out clothes and no make-up and bed-hair which is basically always well, that's their lookout.

I possibly need to raise my game.

I wouldn't even let family in if my house wasn't tidy and I wasn't dressed and made up :) It's a good job they do call otherwise I would spend a lot of time hiding behind the sofa :)

I'm definitely a right slob then.

Oh me too - just a secret one :)

I think that's quite a crucial distinction though cat
Oh well. People still seem to like me. I can't look that horrifying and my house can't be that scary. or they just have nerves and stomachs of steel

I think this might be geographical? In London it seems to take at least half an hour (often more) to get anywhere, I don't know anyone who would waste their time doing that to 'pop in' on someone who might be out. If it's a community where everyone knows each other I can see why it works. I think I would struggle to get used to it though and would only be happy to be 'popped in on' by close family, ie people who I would be comfortable with telling if I didn't want to see them!

I don't think it's just down to straight geography; I live in London, and have friends who it takes quite a journey to get to, and no, I wouldn't pop in on them unless I was in the area (or expect them to pop in on me, unless they were in my neck of the woods.) But I do have some friends who live in my neighborhood, plus neighbours who I'm friendly with. I'd still probably text though and say e.g. 'you around in about half an hour for tea if I bring some cakes?'

I hate people popping in. I hate people in my house full stop. I admit to being a bit anti social. I get a lot of contact with people at work, at my gym and through meeting up with friends etc at neutral venues. My house is my safe zone and I dont like other people invading it.

I have often wondered if this is to do with growing up an only child and always having my own space. I even at times fine myself resenting DH and DDs for invading.

I know I sound horrible - but I do genuinely love people - just not in my living room. I also get very agitated when the door goes unexpectedly, even my own mother got short shrift when she tried "popping in on her way past".

HopeForTheBest has got the nub of it. 'Take me as you find me' is the motto of the first camp. BTW, when people in the second camp DO get an advance call, do they sometimes try to put the visit off?

rhonda - interesting, I'm an only child too and feel much the same about DH and DSes from time to time.

Chippingin I didn't say it was rude. It was the inference that not liking people popping in announced was unfriendly and unsociable that quite a few posters were making - and my point was that I am sociable, I love having people round but not without warning.
I wish I was the kind of person that didn't mind as it has caused problems with my MIL who genuinely can't see the problem with just turning up and it makes me feel I can never have a lazy morning in my jammies and tidy up later - just in case she comes round.

I don't find it rude. I just don't like it. I'm not miserable but I can only be myself if I have some warning of a visit first. If someone turns up unexpectedly I feel embarrassed as my tits are usually swinging free, I'll be in my pjs (as will the kids), last nights dishes will be waiting to be washed, laundry by the machine... I end up leaving them watching kids tv or something trashy, washing and dressing myself and the kids, then I start tidying up guiltily. Why do these visits never happen when my house is pristine and me and the kids aren't slobbing about?

I don't think the OP is at all unreasonable. How he spends his down time is up to him. I can think of a lot worse things to enjoy.

Don't do what my neighbour did. Her friend turned up on a day that she had booked off from work. She'd planned on doing nothing at all. She just wanted to chill and watch trash. She ignored the door at first but after the fourth knock she knew she wasn't going away. She answered the door wearing her coat and said "Ooh I'm sorry I was upstairs. I'm just about to go shopping for something to wear to a job interview... her friend immediately decided to go along with her and helped her choose a pinstripe suit she didn't need. (Not to mention some business like navy courts) :o In that situation surely honesty is the best policy?

I hate it. I REALLY hate people popping in. I'm not sure why, could be that as a child we lived above a business so no-one ever knocked the door. I had one neighbour a few years back who would knock my door all night..if I didn't answer she'd bang and bang and yell through the letterbox. Sometimes i'd think something was wrong and run out of the bath just to find her standing there with a stupid grin on her face and two cups of coffee. I was working full time, knackered and she was the kind of person who wouldn't take the hint to get lost when I was busy/tired.

It's so much quieter now and I love it!