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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to kill my DH- what the hell are we going to do?

60 replies

BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 10:53

Im so angry right now I could murder. DH is self employed but subcontracts. He normally brings home about 800 a fortnight and I bring about 1200 a month. Money is tight and we just get by. Imagine my horror when I see today for a FORTNIGHT he has been paid £140. Thats less than minimum wage. We arent going to be able to pay the mortgage. He says this is because they had to put some work right but im just astonsihed. How the hell do I begin to deal with this please im so angry and worried.

OP posts:
Filibear · 12/08/2011 10:56

This reply has been deleted

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/08/2011 10:56

Can you arrange for a mortgage break for a couple of months to enable you to build up a buffer?

Is there some other work that DH can take on, maybe out of his usual area, but lucrative?

It must be worrying but try not to panic. Have you worked out your income and outgoings and seen where any cuts can be made for a few months whilst you get on an even keel again?

cheesesarnie · 12/08/2011 10:57

surely thats just the danger of being self employed at this time.i dont get why you are angry with him?is the work there but hes not taken it?

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 10:58

He has DONE the work cheesesarnie- hes been working 40 hours a week! Thats why im MAD the person he is subcontracting for has only paid him this

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 12/08/2011 10:59

oooh i see!sorry!

MonsterBookOfTysons · 12/08/2011 11:01

Bimbo it sounds like you need to be angry at the person who paid him £140, not your dh. I am sure he is pissed off too, and it doesnt help if you are cross with him on top of that.

Loshad · 12/08/2011 11:03

yeah, i don't get why you are mad at your dh. You have very right right be worried about how you are going to pay the bills, but being mad at your dh won't help.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 11:04

But I am mad at him as he is refusing to say/do anything about it, he is refusing to leave the job and go elsewhere. Mug.

OP posts:
Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 11:06

My DH went ape at me when I only got my basic pay the other month- which was a darn sight more than he has been paid and enough to pay our bills. This is a fucking insult im more than angry im utterly furious.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 11:07

Your dh needs to grow a back bone. He has to say "look, I am not working for this amount of money, I am not earning enough to pay my mortgage. You either pay the going rate, or I need to go elsewhere"

MonsterBookOfTysons · 12/08/2011 11:10

Bimbo my dh has just been demoted, he has to walk an hour home through town which is rough, I am getting cross at him being a mug and not finding a job that respects him. He has worked there 7/8 years. So I do understand your annoyance at your dh for being a mug, honestly.
Has he told you why he hasnt been paid fully? Is it his mistake?

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2011 11:11

Can he afford to leave the job, reputation as well as money, wise?

Surely this is about communication, but, tbh, you seem to be behaving as though he owes you £800 a fourtnight and not as though he is doing his best to earn it.

Sometimes when you are self employed, you earn less than min wage, as long as over a 3 month period your earnings increase, then it pans out. How long has he been self employed?

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 11:14

Hes been self emplyed for 20 odd years. This is a balls up on the person he is subcontracting fors part. Does he care? No he just doesnt want to lose face by fucking off and standing up for himself.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 12/08/2011 11:14

If he's having to work at a reduced rate to put something right, then that is what he has to do. Presumably this is to protect his reputation, or to guarantee future work with this client?

YABU to be angry about this - sometimes as a contracter/freelancer, it's just what you have to do. YANBU to be angry at him for not telling you ahead of time and giving you both the chance to work out how you were going to make up the mortgage payment before it was due, however.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 11:15

Now ive got three weeks annual leave coming up (was to spend time with the kids) im going to have to work every single day of it because of this monumental fuck up. So yeh I am mad with him.

OP posts:
passingtime · 12/08/2011 11:15

I have been self employed and gone months working hard unable to pay myself a wage, trying to keep my business afloat.

My dp worked harder in this situation and we cut back elsewhere.

YABVVVU Op, you sound very demanding of your dp

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 11:17

We cant afford to live that way though- my wage alone will NOT pay the mortgage and bills and we cannot cut down anywhere else, seriously. He has bought home a regular if not reduced wage over the past 2 years, this simply is going to wipe us out :(

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 12/08/2011 11:17

He can't afford to refuse to deal with this. Am not surprise you are mad. I'd be fit to kill too. He's got obligations to his family and the mortgage won't pay itself.

Weird that he would only be paid this small amount - makes me think there is something he isn't telling you. think you need to dig into this a lot more.

Birdsgottafly · 12/08/2011 11:19

Is he looking at it as a favour that he can 'call' on later on. Things are tough and it sometimes pays to have favours owed to you.

It also depends on how long this is going to continue for and whether he has savings to allow for this, which he should or provision in place, as in a possible overdraft, or arrangement with the mortgage company.

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 11:27

He is losing more face by letting people think that his skills are only worth £140 for a forthnights full time work. Has he no self respect? I would also be mad! Can he become a sahd and look after your children saving you nursery fees? ( if your children are young and in nursery care) It seems this may make a bigger impact on your finances, than him earning, if he is letting his earning potential sink that low.

We currently pay two semi skilled labourers £250 per day for the two of them, we think this is Cheap!!

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 11:27

obviously the work has to be put right as the client has paid for a specific job. your DH should be talking to the Sub Contractors - tell him if he wont you will. then ring and ask them what happened and say you are panicking as you can't pay the mortgage this month as a result of poor wage. Is it fair that they don't pay him fully when the mistake was theirs?

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 11:30

are you sure he didn't do the job wrong accidentally? and that the contracters gave him the right info.

squeakytoy · 12/08/2011 11:30

If it is a ballsup by the person he is working for, are they not going to rectify it?

My dad was self employed, and it was a worry when customers owed money and they dragged their feet paying it.

Can you arrange a temporary overdraft with the bank, or ask the mortgage company for a break?

GypsyMoth · 12/08/2011 11:33

Why did they have to 'put some work right' at expense of his wage??

He must have been aware of this some time ago!

DaisySteiner · 12/08/2011 12:15

So you're on a combined income of 44K plus? Having survived very happily on an income of much less is there really nowhere else you can cut back?!

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