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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to kill my DH- what the hell are we going to do?

60 replies

BimboNo5 · 12/08/2011 10:53

Im so angry right now I could murder. DH is self employed but subcontracts. He normally brings home about 800 a fortnight and I bring about 1200 a month. Money is tight and we just get by. Imagine my horror when I see today for a FORTNIGHT he has been paid £140. Thats less than minimum wage. We arent going to be able to pay the mortgage. He says this is because they had to put some work right but im just astonsihed. How the hell do I begin to deal with this please im so angry and worried.

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 12/08/2011 12:15

Assuming figures you gave were net rather than gross as you said 'bringing home'.

ZonkedOut · 12/08/2011 12:21

Surely he will lose more face by simply rolling over and taking it, not to mention opening himself up for people to do it to him again in the future.

He might actually gain respect if he stands up for himself.

plupervert · 12/08/2011 12:31

Time to ge out the contracts, to work out who's responsible in such cases. Has your DH's trade/sector got a union/lobbying group (e.g. NUJ)? If it is a sector which depends a lot on subscontracting, spreading the word, or flagging them up as unreliable partners, could be a useful threat.

FabbyChic · 12/08/2011 12:33

Assume the work he done needed snagging and there was 760 of snags to do, so therefore he would not get paid, however that is a hell of a log of snagging work and far too much for any person let alone a single company.

That means the quality of his previous work was not up to scratch, he knew in advance how much he was getting if he was doing remedial works i.e rectyfing his mistakes, he knew he wasnt getting paid for it he could have told you. Losing £760 in a two week period is a hell of a lot if you rely on it.

Jackstini · 12/08/2011 12:37

YANBU to be upset about not spending your planned weeks with the dc or be worried about money. Depends on the details whether YABU to take it out on him.

You need to know exactly what went wrong on the job and exactly whose fault it it is.

Do they have liability insurance to cover things?
Should the contractor be taking some of the hit? (and has he?)
Is your DH just really pissed off at himself as he knows he cocked up?

I think a mortgage holiday for upto 3 months might be a good idea just to give you some breathing space.

WestYorkshirePudding · 12/08/2011 14:22

OP, you sound like a lovely wife Hmm

Don't you think your DH might be worried and stressed about paying the mortgage too? Remember men don't often explode / show their feelings like women do. He's probably really pissed off at himself right now.

I imagine not as pissed off as he at you though...

NasalCoffeeEnema · 12/08/2011 14:28

All very well him being pissed off too but he needs to speak to the person he is working for surely. The op can't do that but he can

northerngirl41 · 12/08/2011 14:28

He's self-employed which means that his income will go up and down. You shouldn't be angry at him that he's suddenly not go the work.

Your clarification that he's actually had to go back and fix work at his own expense makes me think though that yes you should be cross with him - he must have known this was coming up.

I'm not sure why you can't pay the mortgage though - if he's genuinely self-employed he should be putting money aside for tax at year-end. He could use that as obviously he's going to be earning less due to this blip in income.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/08/2011 14:40

"My DH went ape at me when I only got my basic pay the other month- which was a darn sight more than he has been paid and enough to pay our bills. This is a fucking insult im more than angry im utterly furious."

So, besides the worry about paying the mortgage, you're feeling angry because he's "allowed" to do something you're not?

FakePlasticTrees · 12/08/2011 14:47

Actually, it sounds like he fucked up and had to fix it for free in order to keep his contract. If he's a contractor, one fuck up gets you out of the door normally, this sounds like they gave him a second chance. So yes, you should be angry at him, but you know what, no one's perfect and the down side of being a contractor is you don't get the safety net of job security. (the upside normally being you earn more per day than you would do being a normal employee doing the same job).

You need to start building up savings - i know so many contractors who when Lehmans went, were all called in to their companies that week and told to either take a daily pay cut or leave there and then. You can't be self employed without a 'buffer'.

gapants · 12/08/2011 15:03

op sounds like you have only got some of the story from your DH.

Call your mortgage provider and take a mortgage holiday for a couple of months, this is quite common and should be easily arranged.

Meal plan for the next 2 weeks, look in your store cupboards, cut out all meat and booze. Shop accordingly.

Once all your utilities and insurances have been paid out, split the rest of the money by 5, take it out the bank, put each lot into an envelop marked WK1,2,3,4,5. Only spend what is in each envelop each week.

Buy cheap orange juice and make home made ice lollies as treats, make home made flap jacks with value porridge oats too.

Is there any extra work that your DH could pick up over the evenings or weekends? Maybe some work for friends or family?

Ephiny · 12/08/2011 15:08

You seem to spend a lot of time being angry at each other about money...

Do you not have savings to tide you over until the next payday? I'd feel quite uncomfortable having a mortgage without reasonable savings in case things went wrong, especially if you're depending on unreliable income from contract work. If you don't, then I'd think mortgage 'holiday' or overdraft would be the best way.

bonkers20 · 12/08/2011 15:21

Your monthly income sounds pretty large to me - 2800 a month take home.
You are clearly not on the bread line and must have some savings. To be living pay cheque to pay cheque on your income seems rather frivolous.

Anyway, in answer to your question. Talk to your mortgage provider. If you have not missed payments before they should be understanding.

And then I suggest you find a way to put some money aside for emergencies.

Poweredbypepsi · 12/08/2011 15:24

dh is self emplyed sometimes these things happen dont they? I can see why your worried but not annoyed at dh.

LadyDangermouse · 12/08/2011 16:57

gapants Fri 12-Aug-11 15:03:05
OP sounds like you have only got some of the story from your DH.

I would go further than that .... I would seriously consider phoning his boss to find out what went wrong and what the REASON is that your OH's pay went down to £140 for the past fortnight.

If you cannot trust your OH to give you the full story, perhaps you have to do some detective work ..... apart from phoning the bank.

For me, I would initially be more concerned about why OH had not given me the full story of his reduced pay packet, and 2ndly consider the mortgage break etc.

WilsonFrickett · 12/08/2011 18:40

OMG Do. Not. Call his boss. Seriously Lady this is a grown man we're talking about. OP is not his mother, he is not a child. What on earth would be gained by calling his boss? He's not going to tell her anything, he doesn't owe her anything, he'll just think she's a fruit loop and the DH is a complete wuss.

Vicky2011 · 12/08/2011 18:45

Agreed WF. Really don't call the boss OP.

I do think you aren't being given the full story though.

FakePlasticTrees · 12/08/2011 18:51

Don't take Lady's advice!!!! If he's a contractor, they can ask him to leave with no notice, someone's wife phoning up to have a go at his boss would have him out of the door before you can say "more trouble than he's worth".

joric · 12/08/2011 18:56

He has been at work, he had to re-do dome work.
Did he need to correct his own mistake at his own expense?

YABU OP...you are £460 down on a joint income of £2800
Your joint income will be £2340...
I don't know how big your mortgage is but you don't sound particularly supportive. Let him sort it out.

joric · 12/08/2011 18:56

'some'

forehead · 12/08/2011 20:31

I agree with posters whosay that there's more to this. I think that you should speak to your dh in order to get the truth. Are you sure that he's actually been working ?. Work may be thin on the ground. I don't know, but it sounds a bit suspicious to me.

MorelliOrRanger · 12/08/2011 20:39

He worked 40 hours for £70? That is disgusting. I agree there is more to this than he is telling you.

TalkinPeace2 · 12/08/2011 21:37

OP
Your husband is self employed.
If you want a regular income, get him to go on the cards.
As somebody who has dealt with contractors from all angles
sounds to me like it was a price job. It overran. All the steps in the chain are sharing out the pain
take it on the chin
and GROW UP about your income
or go PAYE - you cannot have it both ways

MorallyBankrupt · 12/08/2011 21:56

I'm more than a little shocked that you take home a combined £2800 each month but haven't got any savings to fall back on Hmm

That is a lot of money each month to not have a single spare penny to pay the mortgage with when you have just one bad month tbh.

Pawsnclaws · 12/08/2011 22:06

Ask the bank if you can just pay the interest this month (assuming you have a repayment mortgage) - they're mire likely to agree to that than no payment at all.