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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NEVER invite this friend round with her DS ever again

109 replies

superv1xen · 11/08/2011 19:38

invited my friend round with her ds (aged 4) she is an old friend, the last time i saw her was when her ds was a baby. we lost contact and recently found eachother again on fb, have met up once without dc (night out) today is first time with dc present.

well from the minute they walked in he irritated me. me "hello friends DS my haven't you grown etc etc" him kids not speaking back when spoken to by adults i find REALLY rude. the whole time he was there he ignored me when spoken to. and i spoke to him nicely every time.

we did them lunch in the kitchen, my dc (2 and 5) sat and ate nicely, not him. up and down from the table like a yo yo, wanders outside, wanders upstairs, brings toys into the kitchen etc etc despite friend telling him off. wouldnt eat a thing. then when me and my friend had our lunch, naturally, he wanted what we had instead Hmm

then we got some paints out for them, again in the kitchen, as less mess. but thats not good enough for friends ds, after 2 minutes, him and his painty hands are wandering back upstairs, i did not want paint on my walls or carpet. friend coaxes him down Hmm and we gave up with the paints and let them get the toys out. within 2 mins he has deliberately broken 2 toys, one is a £50 buzz lightyear thats DS's favourite :(

then as his final piece de resistance, he goes wandering up the stairs again, finds DH's motorcycle helmet and flings it down the stairs. so now thats broken and will cost at least £30 to replace Angry

aibu to never ask her round again? (with him in tow anyway!)

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 11/08/2011 19:40

I can understand your annoyance with the child of satan, however, it takes a village to raise a child. I wouldn't allow him inside my house though.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 11/08/2011 19:41

Yes of course YABU. What a nice friend you are!!

K999 · 11/08/2011 19:43

My dd1 hardly spoke to adults when she was that age. She was very shy.

AnotherJaffaCake · 11/08/2011 19:43

I don't think yabu here at all. But if you want to keep your friendship going, perhaps just keep it to going out without the children.

carpetlover · 11/08/2011 19:43

Hmm, well he sounds like a handful and she sounds pretty wet. One is probably causing the other.

Not sure about the lunch thing though. Why didn't you all eat together?

Anyway, I would have said something to her. No point getting annoyed and just not inviting her back. @coaxing him downstairs' FFS! Go and get him if doesn't come down. Wet mothers get on my nerves.

MsAnnThroppy · 11/08/2011 19:45

YANBU. Shyness and a bit of fussiness eating in a strange house I can understand, but it sounds like he went beyond that. How exactly did he break the toys? Did your friend offer to pay for the damage?

youarekidding · 11/08/2011 19:46

YANBU, but I would now I've learnt to the hard way have said something to the DS. A 'in this we house we............' is kind, but stating the facts. I don't think there's anything wrong either in telling a child this age if they can't behave well, and they break things they won't be invited again and that you'll meet mum without him.

I hope your friend is paying for the items he broke.

I wouldn't necessarily write him off totally, your friend sounds like she may need your support to get some disipline instilled? I am projecting btw the way from you say 'coaxing' as oppossed to telling him.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2011 19:46

Most of what you describe could be down to not knowing the rules of your house or typical 4 YO behaviour.

You also seem to be looking at it from a negative viewpoint, I mean, you've said he irritated you as soon as he stepped through the door!

He's 4, and YWBU towards him.

headfairy · 11/08/2011 19:48

Hmmm toughie. I have a ds who's pretty destructive. I find it excruciatingly embarrassing. Without seeing how firmly your friend was telling him off it's hard to say.

BTW The Disney Store near us do Buzz Lightyear's for £20, not £50. In fact all the big Toy Story characters are £20.

simpson · 11/08/2011 19:49

I think the not talking back to you thing I would let go tbh.

My DS (5) is very shy and does not always talk back to an adult he does not know.

However on the broken things and the food issue YANBU.

Did your friend offer to pay??

aniseed · 11/08/2011 19:50

It is your house and your friend should have respected your rules. He shouldn't have been allowed to break toys.

It is quite normal for children to want what is on your plate if it is different - much more appealing to them.

I wouldn't automatically expect a child to respond to me. Many children, particularly those with special needs, find it difficult to speak to adults and it is not always being rude. My ds finds it very difficult to speak to adults or other children and I would be cross if people assumed he was rude as I know how difficult it is for him. Having said that I would have encouraged him to do so.

cat64 · 11/08/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsshears · 11/08/2011 19:50

my dd has selective mutism and i worry constantly that adults will have the same attitude towards her that you have just displayedSad

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2011 19:54

Most people understand and don't think anything of it mrsshears Smile

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 11/08/2011 19:56

He probably did your DH a favour! a motorbike helmet which broke at being thrown down the stairs Shock Imagine the damage done with a heavy head in it thrown from the bike at high velocity.

I remember being 4 and being welcome by cheery adults

Why didn't you all share a meal? 3 under 5 with paint? I think your children are the exception not the norm.
May be try a meeting in the park and a picnic next time.

GhoulLasher · 11/08/2011 19:57

Little kids don't all have the skills to speak to adults they don't know well. I also want to know why the DC ate differently to the adults. If you don't mix them with adults then they wont learn table skills.

MegBusset · 11/08/2011 19:57

Hmm, YANBU to be annoyed but OTOH most of this sounds like fairly typical 4yo boy behaviour to me . Next time chuck him out in the garden, much safer! And surely if a toy is too expensive to risk being broken, keep it in a cabinet or something...

GhoulLasher · 11/08/2011 19:58

That's right MrsHears My own DD is now 7 and once upon a tie she woul not speak to anyone. Not anyone...apart from myself and her Dad. She didn't talk for a whole year at school but now she's totally "normal" whatever that means and as AgentZ says most reasonable people understand that some children wont talk to grown ups they dont know...they don't judge.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 19:59

Why should the adults have to eat with the children?

Surely three children of that age can play nicely together on their own? I know they might interrupt etc but isn't it normal for children to play together without adults?

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 20:00

I think the not talking is OK actually. My eldest was too shy to talk to adults as a 3/4/5 year old but would do as she was told.

Last weekend i spent time seperatly with two kids who were distructive and disobedient. They showed little respect for anyone else's things. It was wearing for me and upsetting for my kids! By Monday there was tiny polly pocket parts/yogurt/make up/dry play-doe all over the house, ground into the carpets and all over the bedding/sofas. I'm friends with the parents but plan to meet at soft play next time or just have adult only nights out.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 11/08/2011 20:01

superv1xen do you have a son? Just wondering if you were used to boy play....

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 11/08/2011 20:01

I wouldn't know what the appropriate response to "Haven't you grown?" is! It's the sort of daft thing adults come out with that make you cringe when you're a kid.

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 20:03

I think that behaviour would be normal for most 2 year olds but a 4 year old should be able to sit at table and also play nicely without breaking/throwing things.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2011 20:06

'I wouldn't know what the appropriate response to "Haven't you grown?" is!'

When I was 8/9 YO, a neighbour of a friend said I had a really cheeky face, I don't know whether I was able to hide my Hmm at the revelation.

LeMousquet, I always thought that once a helmet had been dropped you had to replace it, because a drop could have caused hairline cracks that can't be seen but which could compromise you in an accident.

youarekidding · 11/08/2011 20:08

tryingtobemary I have experience of a DS that age and he wouldn't have been allowed to behave that way. OK he may not want to paint but he would have been told to wash his hands and ask if he could have something to play with. And god help him if he deliberatly broke a toy.

Totally agree with skyblue My DS started school 3 weeks after turning 4 yo. Can you imagine the carnage if yr R children were allowed to behave this way? Its sitting and eating, its washing hands after painting, and it not throwing things down someone elses stairs.

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