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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh want's me to take kids on hol with His family without him

337 replies

CoffeeDog · 11/08/2011 12:23

Had a chat with DH last night and he thinks IABU

Due to go on a week long caravan hol with DH entire family next week...

MIL booked it as a 'treat' for us back in jan as we cannot afford to go this year.. she annouced last month that she her DH - her mum and dad will also be sharing the caravan with us making 6 adults and 3 kids in one caravan - with all our kids squished into the little room and me and dh on the fold out bed bit in the living room.
SIL & her DH have a caravan there and will be there with therir 7 kids - shes 7mth pregnant and isnt very mobile so MIL idea is that we entertain the kids while SIL has a break..ermmmm what about me?

DH isnt really good at speding alot of time with his own family (due to probs when he was a kid) as said last night that he thinks he will stay home and decorate for a few days while me and the kids go and have fun...... I have told him NO way i am spending a week being the glorified au par with no sleep(Dh grandad gets up at the crack of dawn and his mum with be at the bar till late )
I have said if he want the painting done i will happily stay behind on my own and paint the house whilst he takes the kids after all its HIS family and he has never had the kids on his own and just come back from a fishing trip with his dad - would be lovly to have the house to myself!

He thinks i ABU as i get on with his family better than him..???

OP posts:
singforsupper · 12/08/2011 10:08

Tell him you've decided to have a 'staycation'.

AMumInScotland · 12/08/2011 10:13

Well, I look forward to your updates!

I can see why you don't want to disappoint the DC, and as long as DH understands that this has to be handled "robustly" then it doesn't have to be a nightmare.

Just stick to your guns - the faintest sign of him caving in to the unreasonable expectations of his family, you're heading to the train station.

I still think you're a bit nuts to go. And would be even more nuts to ever agree to one again!

MonsterBookOfTysons · 12/08/2011 10:14

You are braver than me Grin

Jackstini · 12/08/2011 10:16

I think the idea of taking a tent as extra accom is genius - at least you would be able to 'kind of' escape.
I can't wait for your updates next week....

diddl · 12/08/2011 10:28

Can´t believe you´re going.

But since it´s MILs idea to look after the children, how about you just get up & get out before anyone else is up?

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 10:59

ok your going (madness) - now set some ground rules in your mind before you leave.

maybe take just your kids and DH off for some quiet family time at some point. maybe eating out togther (fish and chips?) as a rare treat while letting the others get on with childcare/feeding 7 other kids and lazy SIL.

make sure you only do 1/6th of the work. There are 5 other fully able adults in your caravan and you mustnt be a marter. perfect the art of sitting and not seeing the dishes need doing, potatos need peeling or the loo needs a scrub. take a good book and some mags with you and make sure you read them on a comfy chair outside or in your empty and quiet kids room. tell everyone you are getting such little sleep in the lounge and feel exhausted as a result.

singforsupper · 12/08/2011 11:34

Take a pop-up tent (single) for instant escape options.

Take notebook, voice recorder and video for research purposes.

Take up kenobi's offer on partnership for the screenplay

Take earplugs.

Take a bottle of your favourite spirits.

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 12/08/2011 11:45

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Sorry - they're the nearest emoticon to valium we have!!

Good Luck - you're going to need it. Make sure than on the way in you stop at the train station and pointedly pick up a timetable.

DH would be very very clear on what he needed to do, what he needed to say and at what point I would be getting on that train - wouldn't want any confusion Grin AND what I need when we get home...

HPonEverything · 12/08/2011 12:05

Is it too late to change your mind? Like Collie I was this year forced to holiday with my in-laws.

DH and I booked a nice "final child-free" holiday abroad for when I was 6 months pregnant. He then, without asking me if it was ok, invited his elderly immobile mother, his sister and her obnoxious husband.

SIL and BIL did eff all for the entire week - not even so much as carry MIL's case or help her on and off coaches etc. DH and I looked after MIL for the entire week. I also had the comments about what I was eating/drinking/doing and how it could be bad for me or the baby.

I now have no time at all for my SIL (had previously thought she was lovely), and even DH has seen her in a new light and never wants to see BIL again. He tells me how he regrets inviting them but then in the same breath says "but at least my mother had a lovely time!" I may forget but I'll never forgive!!!

At least you already have the measure of your SIL, but oh my lord it sounds like the week from hell.
Please don't do it.

[secretly wants you to do it just to read all about it later]

LtEveDallas · 12/08/2011 13:24

Seriously, I think you are crackers and I think this is a really, really bad idea.

  1. You will get very little sleep. 1am to 6:30am. This will make you grumpy.
  1. You will hear your MIL has sex when you are getting none. This will make you grumpy.
  1. You will have no cupbaord/wardrobe space so your clothes will look like rags. This will make you grumpy.
  1. Your child will wake up cold / be stepped on / refuse to sleep there. This will make you grumpy.
  1. You will be asked to help out 'poor old SIL' with very little help yourself. This will make you grumpy.
  1. You are sleeping in the living area. You will have no privacy. You will have to get dressed in a tiny bathroom. This will make you grumpy.
  1. Your children will fight (they always do) because they are tired. The other adults will tut at you. This will make you grumpy.
  1. You will not have enough room to feed children and adults together. You will have to do shifts. This will make you grumpy.
  1. If it rains you will be stuck in a caravan meant for 6 with 9 people. This will make you psychotic grumpy.

Have fun!

HuntForGalaxyHazelnut · 12/08/2011 13:25

OP you simply must give us updates about this 'holiday', it really is like a horrible reality show where they secretly film someone being pushed to the brink of insanity and all their family and friends are in on it.

We're going to have to give you some tips (though, like Blu said, "It's like making a sensible suggestion about what kind of packed lunch to take to hell")

You should suggest to the MIL that she and her toyboy have the living room bedroom, that way they can stay up drinking as late as they want and they might not wake everybody else up. Also because they'd be in a communal area they might feel uncomfortable loudly shagging on the cushions that your children will be sitting on for their breakfast [boak]

Also, maybe you and DH could take your DC out for the day in the car a few times, so you can have a bit of alone time, without being stuck in a caravan looking after your SIL's seven ( Shock ) children for her.

Good luck! Have this Wine you'll need it!

Mumwithadragontattoo · 12/08/2011 14:24

LtEve Grin - You have summed up the whole thing very neatly. OP don't go it will make you grumpy and tired.

InfestationofLannisters · 12/08/2011 14:29

OP you deserve some sort of award / medal / decoration akin to the Victoria Cross for your bravery and commitment to Mumsnet.

Do you have a phone with internet access which will allow you to live-post the horror holiday?

ExitPursuedByAGryffin · 12/08/2011 14:52

Ooooh - you are going. Have fun!

Hope the weather is nice, and then you can spend most of the time outside.

Can't wait to hear how it goes.

MoaningMcMyrtlepants · 12/08/2011 15:23

If you take the bedside cabinet out of the kids room and then slide the beds together and then put the cabinet back in the new gap the children can the sleep width wise.

Blu · 12/08/2011 16:06

I think the Bonking MIL should definitley have the sofa bed.

Geordieminx · 12/08/2011 16:08

Can't wait for the updates

KristinaM · 12/08/2011 16:23

Eve is right. Do not go

Come down with a d and v bug and send dh and kids

lachesis · 12/08/2011 16:39

The bonking, drunk MIL would be the straw the broke the camel's back for me, tbh.

I can't believe you are going, because your husband is not going to stick up for you and you seem a bit wet.

kenobi · 12/08/2011 16:55

I nominate this for Thread Of The Week.

singforsupper · 12/08/2011 17:09

Eve please let OP go, I am so looking forward to the reports back, there's going to be AT LEAST a screenplay about it, and there's a sequel on the cards already (Fishtails In Wales is the working title).

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 17:37

really enjoyed this thread - can't wait for the update!

OhdearNigel · 12/08/2011 17:39

Shock My DH would be getting a very definitie "No. Black card topic" if he tried to pull that on me

insanityscatching · 12/08/2011 18:59

You must be seriously mad Shock but I can't wait for the updates Grin