AIBU to worry about my son's exam results? just in and not good

[creamola]

We got the exam results in Scotland today, and whilst my son has passed two out of three highers ........they are C grades.

I'm dissapointed because he is really clever and A's were predicted but he got a girlfriend and a new xbox game and really didn't take it seriously.

With the current economic climate is there any hope for someone with two C's given the competition for jobs.

AIBU to feel extremely worried for his future ???

please someone tell there son only had one C and is now thriving indepently with his own flat/house......career, wife and kids

I hear you

I think in one sense I'm disappointed because I could wallpaper a room with my qualifications and have always been an 'A' student.

It has shocked him though and he did even say 'I wish I'd taken it more seriously' last night .

He did have a bit of a downer and say 'no-one will employ me, I'll be on Jeremy Kyle by next year'

I honestly think you find out so much more about yourself, the world of work in general and what kinds of things you like to do by just getting in there than any school careers advisor can ever tell you. And as for people saying the age thing about not having qualifications is fine if you're over 30, I'm 23 - left school in 2006. I'm not actually seeing that much difference in my peers who went to university and have now moved back home, and the ones who never went and are still living at home or who are in house shares. Apart from the ones who had a really solid plan (and that is, at a guess, one in ten?) everyone is floundering around in various jobs, finding out whether they like working with the public, in an office, doing physical work, travelling, etc etc. Some have by chance found a good opportunity in a company and are sticking with it even though it isn't what they wanted to do, some are enjoying that, others aren't, but are building up the money from their job to achieve other goals such as moving out of home or going back to college or university.

DP was having a downer at Christmas time saying he was going to be in a dead-end job on minimum wage working nights forever. Eight months later and he's in this new job with much better prospects and is actually starting to enjoy it. The way you get employed is to grab any and every opportunity, if you're not happy, look for other things but don't give up what you're doing, and keep re-evaluating your plan constantly. Plan for now should be (IMO) do that work in his uncle's restaurant, see if he likes it, look around for other jobs at the same time, if he finds something that sounds better than the restaurant job, go for that. If he really enjoys the restaurant job then he could stay there while he takes stock and then look at ways he could advance in that field - look at larger restaurants, more expensive ones, better hours, big chains which he might be able to transfer to other areas if he wants, moving up within the same restaurant. The same with any job he finds which he likes. If he suddenly has an epiphany that he wants to become a lawyer or something, he has money and experience behind him to do the studying required as a mature student.

Well the positive thing is that he has had his shock and hopefully now realises how important it is to work hard for your own sake. It took me till 2nd year uni to realise that the only person affected by failing exams was me.

You should appeal his grades if he got As at the prelims.

It really doesn't look good on his CV though that he only took 3 highers and did them in 6th year.

Why doesn't he see what courses he could get on through clearing, or go to college next year to take more highers?

How would he feel about taking a year out working? In the job he already has, or somewhere else, it doesn't really matter so long as it is full-time. If I were you I would make him pay rent and perhaps a small proportion of bills, so that he gets a decent idea of what real life is. I wish with all my heart that I had done this before going to uni. I sailed through 5th year (am Scottish) with straight As, fucked around in 6th year but already had my unconditional by then, and went off to uni to do law, where I promptly started failing everything. I scraped through an ordinary degree (couldn't get into Honours), then started working in coffee shops and temping. I eventually had a piece of amazing luck in getting put onto a special project at one place where I had been temping as a receptionist, and 4 years later I'm still there and have a good permanent job that I enjoy.

However, I wish that I had gone off to get some idea of real life before I went to uni. I would probably have realised that law was not for me a lot earlier and had the balls to change to something else, instead of hanging on because I wanted to go to France in my 3rd year. As many Scottish students will be entering uni at 17 or 18, whereas English ones will be 19 or 20, a year or two out won't matter a bit and it might make him grow up a bit and actually put the effort in. I was far too immature for uni at just 18. When my children are making their decisions both DH and I will be begging them to take a year off before they go on to further studying (if that's what they want to do).

could someone please point in the right direction to understand what 'clearing' is please

bertiebotts you make alot of sense .

I believe clearing works as follows
?You have not received any offers.
?You have declined all your offers or not responded by the due date.
?Your offers have not been confirmed because you have not met the conditions (for example, you have not achieved the required grades).
?You have declined a changed course, a changed date of entry and/or changed point of entry offer.
?You applied for one course which has been declined/unsuccessful and you have paid the full £19 fee.
?UCAS receive your application after 30th June 2011. If they receive your application after this date, they will not send it to any universities and colleges.

I think your expectations were too high from the start. If he did int 2s in 5th yr then what did he do in 4th year, int 1s? It doesnt sound like he was ever the academic type. Look at colleges, there are loads of vocational courses around.

But rainbowtoenails, his school had predicted As based on his prelim results, OP based her expectations on that, surely?

Must admit, I have no idea about int 2/int 1, I am old and whatever they are they weren't around when I took my Highers. You did your O grades in 4th year, Highers in 5th and stayed on for SYS (Sixth Year Studies) in 6th only if your Higher grades weren't up to scratch for the university you wanted to attend.

As l said uppost OP l went through similar with my DS.
It took him a while to mature and wisen up to the fact that "this was it" and he had to get his act together. He admits now that he didn't take school seriously-or find his "niche" until he started his 6th year at high school.
He still is not totally sure what he will do at the end of this, his honours year but has a few ideas and has been researching these over the summer.
Don't despair just be there to guide and support him.
My cousin left school with no qualificatins and worked his way up from teaboy in a shipyard on the Clyde and is now a millionaire.
Paper qualifications are not everything, work ethic can be just as important.

I think your expectations were too high from the start. If he did int 2s in 5th yr then what did he do in 4th year, int 1s? It doesnt sound like he was ever the academic type

err I think he just did standard grades/gcse's (the old O'Grades) in fourth year ....you can't do highers in 4th year.

He's not academic when it comes to exams (or he can't be arsed) ...he would tell you himself 'if they won't to know what I know why don't they just ask me'

Maybe he is allergic to paper

Actually while I said the above comment in jest ....he seriously hates paper ....he won't pick up a newspaper because the feel of it put's his 'teeth on edge'

I'm now wondering if his adversion to paper has a bearing on why he won't fully concentrate on an exam paper!

The one he failed , he did say 'I don't think I wrote enough, the paper felt funny so I left'

Do you think he could appeal on the grounds of having an adversion to paper?

No! But you would give whoever read your request a good laugh.

And as for ''if they won't (want?) to know what I know why don't they just ask me' - surely that is the point of an exam? To show what you know?!!!

I think he needs to take a long hard look at his decisions, OP!

He drops two of his Highers because "he thought he didn't need them".
He leaves the exam of a third early. (It was drummed in by my school never to do that, to scrape every last half-mark you could.)
He skimps on studying in favour of his Xbox and girlfriend.

Sorry, but if this has made him grow up, it may all be worth it in the end. IF he learns from it.

Quite aleene - surely an exam is being asked what you know?

Aversion to paper? That will discount him from many jobs in the future. Is it not something he can overcome?

I think his expectations (and maybe yours, OP) will have to be managed to something more realistic. Your son is obviously not academic. There's no shame in that but whatever he does, he'll need to apply himself and that's something that hopefully this exam-failure will have taught him for the future. Are there any apprenticeships he could follow?

Agree with WhereYouLeftIt... he was asked what he knew.

You can work on desensitising him to paper, but it's odd that he's got this far without it being an issue in school. I'd have expected it to have been discovered and accommodated years before. I doubt you could use it as an explanation now, without having raised it earlier.
Is it a sudden development, or has he always found handling paper difficult?
(Parent of an Aspie with sensory issues )

Clearing is when they have extra spaces on a course which was full but the expected entrants either declined or didn't get the required grades. So after all the original places have gone out and been claimed, and results have come through, you can reapply through UCAS with the grades you got to see what is available in clearing.

It's like seconds, or a fire sale, or whatever's left, basically.

professionalyOffendedGoblin the paper thing did come up at school and both the teachers and I said 'It's a bit of paper get over it*

I do feel bad now because I've just realised the whole 'paper' issue may have been the problem and I've only ever joked about it and taken the piss out of him over it.

I'm feeling bad now

Don't, it doesn't excuse the box, the time on girlfriend instead of study and dropping a couple of courses.
Yes, mine has Asperger's, but he is also a 16 year old boy.
I am regularly heard to point out that 'It's not the way your brain is wired, it is because you are an idle brat. Now MOVE!'

I'm not dismissing the idea of exploring his sensory issues further, just not beating yourself up over it won't help.
How much revising on computers did he do? Hmmm?

There's an 'it' missing in my last post.

'just not beating yourself up over it, it won't help.'

My son got 8 b's at gcse,, and thought they were fairly easy an didn't revise too much... he got his awakening doing his a levels.. was unable to take the second year as his first year results were so bad.... did another two years at another school and still didn't learn. He is capable but just lazy about putting the effort in... now i just don't stress,, i still encourage but it's his life and we will see when his final results come in ( he needs BBB to get to a decent Uni) but can go to a crappy uni near us for CCD. I am waiting for the results but not holding my breath.. ( am I a bad mummy???)
He doesn't drink, smoke do drugs, and is working in the summer setting up his own car wash ( wow i sent him to grammar school for that) but you got to appreciate the good bits and remember it's their life and not stress too much.

That's a shame for him, hope he hasnt taken it too hard but it's not the end of the world just yet! What does he want to do eventually?

DH was a disaster at school, far, far more so than your son. He dropped out at 15 and barely passed any exams from what I understand but found something he loves to do, pickednup vicarional qualifications and now earns three times more than I in Construction. I was a straight A student throughout my school years, am a graduate e.t.c.

He also loves his job whereas I loathe mine - I often wonder who had the last laugh!

*picked up vocational.

Maybe I should enrol on a night course to learn correct use of touch-screens..

Oh and my brother dropped out of college and got a job straight out of school doing I-Couldn't-Tell-You with computers. Also doing exceptionally well for himself now. My parents still don't know to this day that he dropped out.