AIBU to worry about my son's exam results? just in and not good

[creamola]

We got the exam results in Scotland today, and whilst my son has passed two out of three highers ........they are C grades.

I'm dissapointed because he is really clever and A's were predicted but he got a girlfriend and a new xbox game and really didn't take it seriously.

With the current economic climate is there any hope for someone with two C's given the competition for jobs.

AIBU to feel extremely worried for his future ???

please someone tell there son only had one C and is now thriving indepently with his own flat/house......career, wife and kids

If he goes to university he is looking at £27k in fees before he eats or buys a book"

*Bullshit. Utter lies and bullshit. You get a student loan when you start uni. You don't have to pay anything back until you are earning at least £21K per annum. And many students are also entitled to (non-refundable) grants and bursaries as well. I should know. I'm an undergraduate, I'm 50, and I'm getting all of the above.

If I hear any more of this scaremongering on Mumsnet I will seriously have to, well, err. Flounce or something.

It IS Bullshit though. Please check out THIS*

What are you studying "how to be fluent in foul language and losing the plot on the net?" You should get a first.

It is not bullshit most universities are now charging £9k a year for three years that's £27k's worth of debt before they even think about mortgages, food books etc. We know it is paid back when people are earning that doesn't mean that it isn't paid back, because it is.

The bursaries and grants are normally prioritised for single parents with no other income and the disabled. If you are abled bodied and single you are normally at the bottom of the list and wouldn't get them.

Sheesh there's some hot heads on this site.

"My youngest has finally managed to get to a good uni but he has 'lost' 3 years in total and will be much older than his peers at uni, plus his school peers are now graduating. "

With the greatest respect why does that matter? Creamola's lad is what? 16/17? He has many many years to do what he wants. A few more at this stage won't matter. Where's the race? Mature students have a lot going for them. I really wish I'd been an undergraduate at 29 instead of 19 - I'd have valued it more and got so much more out of it.

Does he have any idea what he wants to do? He had applied for Uni - was that for a course that actually interested him or just one that followed on from one of his Higher subjects so was an obvious option?

This is a good chance for him to think about what he really wants. If he wants to go to Uni, there may be courses available via Clearing - but it's important he thinks through what he wants and doesn't just grab anything in a panic, as he'll only regret that when it comes to actually studying something he isn't interested in.

College courses are another possibility - college websites at this time of year will have lists of courses they have vacancies on. Again, he shouldn't take just anything ,but may see something which would work out.

Or college for another go at Highers - either the same ones again, or a different set. Maybe the ones he dropped during the year? Presumably he did fine at Standard/Intermediates for those subjects so he should be capable of getting decent results in them.

Or he can look for a job and reconsider - he might find something where he can work his way up, or it might convince him he needs to get more qualifications, if that hasn't already sunk in!

I got C,D,E in my a levels and have good job

I would just say that intelligence, being articulate all help, plus hard work

so all is not lost xxxx

Haven't read whole thread ...... but having got mostly C's myself (now in a good job with prospects of promotion) and DH did worse in school, also in a great job having been an apprentice first. I wouldn't worry too much. Depending on what he wants to do now would suggest apprenticeship or College. If school didn't interest him Sixth Form won't either don't be too hard on him it's not the end of the world :)

What on earth were you and his teachers doing letting him drop the other two? If you can get in with only 3, at least he would have had increased his chances of passing 3 out of five

no-one 'let' him drop the other two...it was a month long battle but he is 17 and made his own choices.

As his mum I'm obviously worried but it is his life, and his path and possibly his first giant mistake

Sorry if I've missed this Creamola, but what is DS saying about all this? What does he want / plan to do now?

Yes he's 17 but he wasn't 18 ie an adult. They think they know everything but we all know they don't. I don't get the 'it is his life, his choice' thing tbh. They are effectively children, think they're as mature as you like and are not. I just tend to think there is an awful lot you can do, sanctions etc, that make it totally clear that messing up your exams is not an option. If someone tries their best and ends up with low grades then fair enough but when the potential is there and an 'x-box and girlf' come along which scuppers his chances at this crucial stage then tbh I do think parents have much more clout there. However, as is clear, a lot of people think we should just stand back and allow these children to make all their own choices - which I find alarming tbh. They have no idea what they really want at that age and it is a tough road if they are not shoe-horned into jumping through the hoops at the designated time. Of course, it makes for almighty rows but in my book, messing up your exams is not an option if you can help it; whereas a lot of people don't think that. I['m not talking from no experience but a bucket-load of experience of recalcitrant teens who played merry hell. I took the unpopular road - they hated me for it - but I wasn't going to stand back and allow them to mess up their future. If, once the prerequisite degree/qualification is under their belt, they want to piss their time up against a wall then fair enough - they're older by then. But at 16/17 they are not old enough to make decisions of this nature imo.

btw my son arriving at uni 3 years after his mates has affected him, not me. My kids have had a shit few years all because they weren't able to jump through the right hoops at the designated time. It has seriously affected their self-esteem apart from anything. I spoke to a girl today who is 20 and hasn't really started studying, or applying herself to any course anywhere and is working in a bar. She feels absolutely shit about it but as time rolls on she feels more shit and can't see how she can approach it. It was quite clear that it is a huge issue for her and creates gut-churning angst for her - she is drifting, going nowhere, hanging out with people who got their q's, went to uni/college/whatever and are now on the road to their future. It turns out that divorcing parents took their eye off the ball at the key time and she has had no-one pushing her with a stick to make sure she squeezes through that narrow gap and gets her qualification/s.

It is extraordinarily stressful to carry the weight of your future alone, to carve something out of nothing, particularly at an age when they have nothing like the attributes/aptitude to negotiate somethig as huge as that. Given free rein OP, your son chose his x-box and girlf over some dull graft - also made some astonishingly immature decisions (to drop 2 of his Highers) - which clearly shows he does not begin to have the maturity to carry any responsibility, is not mature enough. Some have posted that they#ve made it without any formal qualifications but imo they are in the minority and have particular attributes that they were most likely born with to make something out of nothing. Not everybody has that - most people don't imo.

We are extraordinarily blessed in this country, with education on tap for most young people, give or take. It is galling that kids squander that luxury and parents give them the space to do it.

Creamola, the SQA have a helpline for those who are disappointed with their grades. It's 0808 100 8000. We haven't phoned it (yet!) so no idea what it's like.

The SQA website says the helpline is open tonight till 8pm and everyday for the next fortnight from 9-5.

If your son does phone it, I'd be interested to know what sort of advice they're giving.

Given free rein OP, your son chose his x-box and girlf over some dull graft - also made some astonishingly immature decisions (to drop 2 of his Highers) - which clearly shows he does not begin to have the maturity to carry any responsibility, is not mature enough.

whilst I appreciate where you are coming from springydaffs, I must reply with the following comment.......

you don't know my son, he does actually have the appropriate level of maturity for his age (apologies just my mother tiger coming through)

he is planning to do that AberdeenAngusina.......I'll let you know what they say

If he got As in his prelims he can appeal the grades. Some people get upped from Cs to As this way.
What did he get in his standard grades? Before these results, what highers/advanced highers was he planing to do in 6th year?

He needs to just learn his lesson and start from scratch with 5 highers inc maths and english next year, if not at school then at your local college.

Results don't matter to show you can apply yourself. The hardest working pupil in a class can be bottom as not everyone is acedemic.

I agree with the posters who say it's about his attitude. If he has the right one he could get a job/ apprenticeship (sp?). Maybe he could find a train on the job job and re take a higher or 2 at the same time? Show he's willing to work to acheive his potential.

can I just add I have no idea how the Scottish system of education works so ignore my post if it's entirely useless!!

"apologies just my mother tiger coming through"

oh gawd OP, he's not your little darling is he? The one who can Do No Wrong.

Hope not. He may be socially mature, or whatever, but to cancel 2 (TWO) exams - well, sweetie, that is not a mature move whatever way you look at it.

Anyways, I'm sure he's gorgeous and your baby (as are mine, tbh ) but we all do stupid things and make mistakes. ..

BUT WHY DID YOU LET HIM??? (sorry to shout)

Just wondering how he got on today......did he call school, UCAS or SQA? x

If he really is bright, and simply did unexpectedly badly, it would be worth his while finding a degree or foundation course he would genuinely like to do in a subject he's good at that has a CC offer. He then needs to work his arse off, get a first from Crapsville College and do a Masters degree at Better University. Or law conversion. Or graduate medicine.

Or he could go back to school and sit the Highers he dropped, and get A's.

Who predicted the As, the school, your ds or you? If he is "really clever" as you put it why is he only doing 3 highers, surely he should be doing 5 or at least 4. If the school predicted As then it is almost sertain that they will appeal on his behalf. A couple of years ago my niece was predicted an A for English but only got a C. She did nothing and as she was leaving school didn't even speak to them about it. A few weeks later she got new paperwork in the post and the C had been upgraded to a B. Quite a pleasant surprise.

My brother has no highers, left school with a handful of rubbish standards. Now has a wife, kids, mortgage, his own business etc etc. There is hope for everyone (or nearly everyone).

I think the OP is clear enough by now that some bad decisions were made, but there's a limit to how much you can make a 17yo do if they are determined - the school could have prevented him from dropping the other subjects, but if he then didn't turn up to class, or turned up and did no work, he'd still have failed those subjects, and possibly dropped out of school completely.

Anyway, no use crying over spilt milk - the important thing now is what choices he has, and whether this has been enough of a wake-up call to get him to take it seriously.

Since he was in S6 there's no option to stay on at school. It has to be college, university, or a job. Hopefully the SQA and/or UCAS helplines will be able to give him a better idea of what is out there with 2 Cs. But he needs to take a deep breath and realise that his attitude is what has caused this failure, and only he can change that.

If he does that, then he can turn this around - that's what the people on this thread with few qualifications have done - they have applied themselves and proved that they are capable and hardworking. That's how to make the difference between the current situation, and where he's capable of getting. If he can't find that resolve, then yes the future is bleak. If he finds it, he can sort this out, but he needs to put the effort in.

Creamola, you mentioned that he is in Sixth Year. I took my Highers in Fifth Year, what was your son doing then? Was there a reason for his Highers being delayed that could be used in an appeal?

Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for him. He thought he could coast, and has now found out that he couldn't. Is there a local college that he could do Highers at? That was a route taken by a friend who left after 'O' Grades, worked a couple of years and then decided that Highers would get him further quicker. He would have been 18/19 when he did that. Do colleges still offer Highers?

crazycarol It was the school who predicted the A's

whereyouleftit we had a bereavement so the school advised he took Int 2's intsead of highers than take the highers in sixth year.

He has however managed to get himself up and dressed unprompted to go and work in his Uncles restaurant today

Also declared he might become a 'plumber' (I have no idea were this career choice has arisen from?)

Well, getting up and out to work is a good start. When he gets in, can you sit him down and calmly talk about his thoughts so far? No recriminations, but he previously had a plan, and now he needs a new plan. Not just summer restaurant work. So how does he intend to start deciding on a new plan?

I don't see any reason why this set of results will ruin his life. It might set him back, yes. It might mean he ends up going in a different direction to the one he planned (in fact if he has no idea it might be a turning point) - but he'll find his way. It sounds like he's had a big shock which is a GOOD thing. If he didn't really care then I would think you should be worried.

I know lots of people (including myself and DP) who didn't get on fantastically at school (and I coasted and got good results easily until I hit A Level and that was a shock) but later went on to find their vocation elsewhere. DP for example always wanted to go into computer programming/the games industry, but when he dropped out of uni he got a night job in a hotel, he's been doing that for 18 months now and in fact has found a good position which he really enjoys and has the potential for training, movement up to management, transfers to various other hotels around the world. I'm now at uni despite dropping down to a lower level qualification when I took my first A-Level equivalent course, and dropping out of A Levels completely.

Let him dip a toe in the world of work for a while, if he's bright and willing, he'll find something that interests him if he keeps at it. If he then finds that he needs more qualifications he can go and do them later, he's not going to run out of time. There are people I've met through uni doing courses in their 40s and 50s to further their careers.

thanks AMuminScotland

We have talked alot about what he wants to do already and his answer is always 'I don't know....did you know what you wanted to do when you were my age?'

It's difficult to answer that question honestly as I have never 'known' what I've wanted to do jobwise.

I think some people have a really solid idea of what career they want from childhood but many people simply have no idea

Well, not knowing is fair enough. But he needs to think about what he's going to do in the meantime. Is there fulltime work available at his uncle's restaurant? A few months of fulltime work, and awkward shifts, might focus his mind on what kind of job he'd like better - eg office work / something practical. Otherwise he needs to either get more qualifications (Highers at college if he doesn't have a job-related course in mind), or else to start applying for anything and everything and see what he can get.

Plenty of people don't ever "know" what they want to do - they get jobs because they need to pay the bills! And over time they may get more qualifications, or just lots of relevant experience, and pick jobs that suit them either because of the type of work, or the hours, or the location.