AIBU to worry about my son's exam results? just in and not good

[creamola]

We got the exam results in Scotland today, and whilst my son has passed two out of three highers ........they are C grades.

I'm dissapointed because he is really clever and A's were predicted but he got a girlfriend and a new xbox game and really didn't take it seriously.

With the current economic climate is there any hope for someone with two C's given the competition for jobs.

AIBU to feel extremely worried for his future ???

please someone tell there son only had one C and is now thriving indepently with his own flat/house......career, wife and kids

bloody hell I cant believe the responses from some people
He will be fin ehe got C's - he passed, get him to do his a levels and then no one cares about his GCSE results - and I'm a teacher!
there is no point beating yourself or him up about the results his life his choices

I know someone who failed all their exams and ended up as partner in a law firm. Not sure which route he took but he got there. He is extremely bright and when I asked him about it he just said he'd assumed he'd be all right and did no work whatsoever and so failed them all. He's succeeded at pretty much everything he tried since then.

Well, with 1s and 2s she should have been fine to be recommended for Highers.
Does she get stressed about exams maybe? Even conscientious pupils can sometimes get quite overwhelmed at the big leap up from SG to Higher. It comes as a shock to some. And sometimes a pupil struggling in one subject gets so tense about that one they neglect the others.
Obviously I don't know your niece but something has gone wrong somewhere and maybe she has had a confidence crisis. Poor kid.

Maddy - read the thread. This is Scotland where it's Highers that are taken in 5th/6th year. Totally different system .
And I'm a teacher too - up in Scotland!

OP If he doesn't get into University the conventional way, there is always the Open University, however he really would need to get his head down and work if he wanted to take that route.

As I say I really dont know as I have hardly seen her for months. I did know that she was finding maths hard hence the tutor but I know that her parents(and tbh) the whole family expected her to do a whole lot better.
I think I am so shocked as I didnt do as well as predicted in my own exams but by her age I had discovered clubs and boys and did no studying whatsoever!(3 b's and 2 c's were the result). She is a very good girl,no trouble whatsoever,no underage drinking or boyfriends etc.
Perhaps your right about finding the leap from standard grades harder than she expected? I did standard grades and a couple of o grades(was at the time of them changing over) and I know at our school the perception was that o grades were definately harder therefore only the so-called clever kids got put up for them.
I did tell bil off for shouting at her as will do no good and as I said she still has 6th year to try and do better.

"If he goes to university he is looking at £27k in fees before he eats or buys a book"

Bullshit. Utter lies and bullshit. You get a student loan when you start uni. You don't have to pay anything back until you are earning at least £21K per annum. And many students are also entitled to (non-refundable) grants and bursaries as well. I should know. I'm an undergraduate, I'm 50, and I'm getting all of the above.

If I hear any more of this scaremongering on Mumsnet I will seriously have to, well, err. Flounce or something.

It IS Bullshit though. Please check out

It's true that shouting at her won't help . Especially if she is a hard-working girl who has tried her best. What a shame. Hopefully she can re-sit in S6 and look at her options then.
She sounds like a girl who has worked hard but hasn't reaped the reward which is an awful shame.
Maybe her talents lie more in the humanities/social subjects rather than Maths and Chemistry etc.

OP, what exams did your DS take last year and what were the results?
Also, his predicted 'A's - did you hear this direct from the school?

creamola, we're in the same situation. Very bright son (high IQ, but disorganised) had a chaotic revision system for his Standard grades. I thought he'd fail, but he did quite well (4 1s and 5 2s). Despite dire warnings from teachers and us, his Higher revision was just as jumbled and chaotic but he thought he'd pulled it off again.

He's done really, really badly. We're trying to work out where he goes from here. He's doing 6th year, but he'll have to completely change his planned subjects and have a total rethink.

Very pleased to find this thread and know it's not just us.

Mmm- DS and DC both in first jobs, both earning over 21k. Went to Uni before the latest fees hike (obviously), but with loans for tuition and housing, etc, both have large debts.
No bursaries. No grants. Lucky you!

that was for MrsF

This happened to my son too OP. got 2 C's in his Highers (modern studies and computing in 5th year). I was worried sick. However this gave him the kick up the backside that was so badly needed. In 6th year he got 2 A's and 1 B and is now in his Honours year at Uni in Glasgow..
However l have the same problem with DD2 who today got her standard grade results and although not a complete disaster -she could do better. Think she has got a fright and has already been taling about study plans for the coming year.
Hopefully your DS will see the error of his ways and get his head down for 6th year

Pink - I find it a bit sad that your nieces family have reacted so badly - shes passed 2 Highers at the end of the day!

Today my Ds found out he had got an A in Higher Computing but failed his Higher English, he already had his Intermediate 2 English - and I am delighted as I know he did his best. I would have been over the moon if he had got Highers in Maths and English!!!

Creamola - I was you last year. My Ds did not do as well as prediced in his A levels and was not able to go to uni , at least not the uni he wanted to go to. We told DS that he had to get a job and that it was all down to him to sort out as he was too old for any more handholding, and we would not be supporting financially. He had to make some hard decisions about what it was he really wanted. We sent to him talk to various people about his chosen career and his different access routes. Turned out he needed his degree so he quickly enrolled himself on a distance learning degree and got a job in his chosen career, albeit much further down the ladder.

One year on, he has completed his first year of degree - awaiting results. He has a job in a bank and is doing very well. He is also on a Leadership Program. Everyone else on this program is a graduate so for him things have turned out well - so far. His desire to come through is a credit to him and the plan is that he will work and have his degree and then go and do his masters full time. He will have no debt and will then apply for Graduate schemes with experience and a degree.

The advice I was given on here was to not let my disappointment show and to keep talking to him and get him to realise how disappointing his results were and to support his decision as to his next steps. I was gutted at the time and to be honest it took me a few days to be able to talk to him becuase like you I really felt that he had let himself, and his parents (although I was lambasted on here for feeling this by many) down by not working hard enough. BUT I kept my mouth shut and listened to advice on here and I must confess it was the best thing I ever did. Be supportive and encouraging but let him come to the decisions on his own as to what he really wants. Sounds like he is not sure. Get him to talk to as many people as he can before he makes his next move.

I wish you and him every best wish going forward.

thank you

I don't understand the people who are saying it's fine don't worry. It isn't fine. My kids had a bereavement and it had a disastrous effect on their grades. Their uni plans were totally scuppered, they have spent years trying to catch up but, still bereaved, not really doing that well. I would say it takes at least two years to catch up but the catching up is hell, not the doddle it was when they were doing the exams at the right time, and with all their friends. Their friends, good-enough results tucked under their belts, go off to do wonderful things, travel etc, and my kids were stuck at home, still at school/studying. They have had to do it the hard way but tbh it was too hard and some fall by the wayside iyswim and find it hard to get anything of substance together academically, or anything that points to a future. My youngest has finally managed to get to a good uni but he has 'lost' 3 years in total and will be much older than his peers at uni, plus his school peers are now graduating. If you are bright and mess up your highers/A levels, you've successfully managed to carve out years of hard graft ahead just to get level with the pack.

I agree with a previous poster that your son sounds cocky - sorry Creamola (how on earth did he get away with dropping 2 Highers 'because he didn't think they were necessary'??). It could be the making of him though because it is humiliating being stuck behind when all his friends are off onto the next stage on the ladder. He will probably be shocked at how much graft it takes just to break even and will probably regret not doing it when it was 'easy'.

btw quite disturbed to hear about the girl who was tutored up to her eyeballs and got low grades ie disturbed to hear her dad is kicking off. Poor girl

Be honest with yourselves about whether university is right for him. If you are in Scotland you are in the lucky position that you won't have to pay tuition fees, but that doesn't still mean it is a good option for him. If he was only taking 3 Highers and one was perceived a "soft" subject what university did he hope to get into? Did he get proper advice at the time about his choices?

He sounds very like my cousin who is the same age and has pissed about and not worked for his A Levels, and doesn't really have a clue what he wants to do. He is not going to do very well, and it has been clear for a while that university would not be right for him. He has been applying for one-year traineeships at various firms - it's probably not worth repeating A Levels for him, as the outcome might not be any better. It is a good choice for him as it will give him a bit more structure and he will enjoy earning a bit of money. You will have to judge whether doing a repeat would improve DS's grades - but it might be the kick up the arse he needed. If he is bright he may catch up without too much trouble but I would still be worried about him doing only 3 subjects if 5 is the norm.

But you wanted to hear some happy stories, so here you go: two of my uncles failed their A Levels (one partially because he was arrested in an illegal nightclub the night before an exam and spent the night in prison!) and had to spend a year repeating them in college. They then went to uni, a bit older and wiser, did well and now have very high paying jobs and nice houses. My other uncle scraped a pass, went to uni, dropped out, went to another uni, dropped out and then became a hippy for a decade before eventually becoming a self-employed tradesman. And he is OK too. TBH it sounds as though your son may not have been mature enough to go to uni right now - this could turn out to be a good thing.

Creamola, i am surprised it is even possible to get into University with only 3 Highers, in my day it was 4 in one sitting or 5 in two. Had he actually applied?

What on earth were you and his teachers doing letting him drop the other two? If you can get in with only 3, at least he would have had increased his chances of passing 3 out of five.

i did nt do very well in my gcse ,s resat got a few more did a levels failed them misreably went onto do my nurse training and only just passed academically, am doing ok he can always resit but unless he has a definate career plan sometimes just doing a degree for the sake of it is nt always the best option education is never wasted maybe he just needs to grow up abit deceide what he wants to do with his life and knuckle down to it

You son sounds a lot like me when I left school - I had A's predicted, but was a lazy sod and dind't study as much as I should have and got C's at best (although thankfully all passing grades)

I didn't know what I really wanted to do, well I wanted to be a vet but hadn't worked hard enough to get the grades to get into uni.

I ended up setting up my own company, and withing 5 years bought my first house with no mortgage. I since immigrated and had to start from scratch, but I have gained professional qualifications, and self taught myself a number of things in the field I work in and I'm now a sucessful consultant.

Not getting good grades in school is not the end of the world.

Mistakes made as a teenager don't ruin your whole life. Rather if you learn from them, they can make you more successful, more happy, whatever, in the long run.

springydaffs people aren't saying its all fine, at least that's not how I am reading. Just saying its not the end of the world. He will have to adjust his plans but he is still young and if he sees this as a learning process (a valuable lesson) he can still have a very productive future.

I agree it's not necessarily a disaster, though it might obviously affect the options immediately open to him (universities etc). He can get things back on track with some hard work and determination, and hopefully this will be the shock he needs to realise he does actually have to work.

I think it's quite common actually for 'bright' young people to get used to being able to coast through school and exams without making much effort - until suddenly you hit your 'limit' where that doesn't work any more. For some it's A-Level's/Highers, sometimes it's when they get to university. Sounds like he's learned the hard way, but sometimes that's the only way!

Is he disappointed? I had to go back and do mine in my mid twenties because I'd just f*ed about the first time round and whilst it was a lot harder and I had to work full time throughout they meant much more to me and I have continued to study ever since.

It really isn't the end but he will have a hard time getting work without good results. I get where GeneralCustardsHardHat is coming from as I spent the first 10 years of my working career with no qualifications but that was back in the 80's and the world has changed somewhat. Just getting through the door these days is hard enough and speaking as someone involved in HR - whilst those that go far are indeed the ones that "graft" you actually have to get the job in the first place. Eg. For a recent junior admin post we received 30 CV's 15 of which were graduates!