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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call DD's vagina her vagina?

247 replies

LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 15:44

I don't think I am but this has now caused hell to the point where my 93 year old Grandmothet has refused to see me, my Bampi is yelling at me and everyone is up in arms.

Apparently it's a sexual term, not one to be used by little girls and I'm a bad mother. It's got to the point where my nosy grandma tried to find in laws in the phone book to complain to them about their horrible son using the word to his daughter "Get your hands off your vagina" after she was messing around.

What exactly is wrong with a three year old knowing her vagina is called just that. I'm not going to make up names for it.

Also, if DD uses this term in nursery Bampi seems to think I'll be called in for a meeting and asked not to return.

AIBU or are family just a load of bonkers twats?

OP posts:
malinois · 04/08/2011 19:12

Amber It's not a colloquial term, it's a dialect term. The English do not have a monopoly on the English language, they are simply a very small minority of the people for whom it is a first language.

majormetldown · 04/08/2011 19:15

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry!) but I have a question for the people in favour of correct anatomical names. Do you call it your vagina/your vulva, in any situation other than perhaps a medical one? To be honest, I can't think of many occasions when I talk about my bits (sorry again!) in everyday conversation but for example, when I was talking to my sister's about childbirth I didn't say it really hurt my vulva/vagina, I used other terms. And when I talk to my DH in a general conversation or ahem, more intimate moments (sorry, euphemism again!) we certainly do not discuss penises, vulvas or vaginas. That is one of the issues I wonder about, because I have a friend who insists that her kids call it the correct anatomical name but in all other situations calls it her fanny! Which doesn't make sense to me.

CurrySpice · 04/08/2011 19:28

Stewie - ooooo so do I! it makes me Very. Cross. Indeed!! Angry

I also refuse to buy a card for my mom that says "mum" on it. She's not my mum, she's my mom!!

AmberLeaf · 04/08/2011 19:46

It may be dialect but its still not the correct term is it.

MirandaGoshawk · 04/08/2011 19:52

I was wondering the same thing. OP do you use pass urine, defecate and faeces ? I do hope so. If not, so you've drawn a line. Other people draw that line in a different place (use 'arm', 'leg' etc but not vagina).

My dear old mum's doctor said he'd need a poo sample. She had not the faintest idea what he meant, & could only think of Winnie the Pooh. He had to clarify with 'faeces' Smile

RevoltingPeasant · 04/08/2011 20:09

Miranda some people do - my parents brought me up to say 'defecate', 'anus' etc.

Obviously (Hmm) we understood these words in context: our parents taught them to us because they taught us to speak properly. When we were at school, we used slang like all the other kids.

Kids aren't stupid. They can understand different registers. I just think teaching correct words in the first place is important, and then they can learn about winkie-foofoos or whatever from their new mates at primary school.

iamamilkmachine · 04/08/2011 20:10

Am feeling quite sorry for OP reading through this, she hasn't said everyone should use the term vagina, just wants to know if she is being unreasonable by doing so!

AmberLeaf · 04/08/2011 20:11

You seriously said defecate ?

AmberLeaf · 04/08/2011 20:11

Clearly some think she is being unreasonable to do so!

tyler80 · 04/08/2011 20:22

Insisting on my children saying defecate would have put toilet training back a year or so!

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 20:34

I wouldn't be impressed if a 3 year old said said "my vagina is sore or itchy or whatever" It's not even the correct term and seems wrong out of such a young child. I've kept off this thread as I think it is a bit weird to be discussing what a toddlers intimate parts should be called.

There are years to teach them the more accurate terms.

It also seems a little onfair on the little one to be giving her a vocabulary that will separate her at toddlers groups for being different. "vagine" isn't even accurate so why do it. Sorry might be old fashioned here.

Macaroona · 04/08/2011 20:35

It's 'vulva' fo sho.

Is there perhaps a worry that by telling young girls they have a vagina, ie a third hole, that they will start inserting fingers/objects into it? Is that what people mean by the whole 'losing innocence' thing?

I was aware of my vulva from a young age, and that it felt nice to touch, but did not realise there was an entry/exit point until much later, when I learned about sex I think.

Do little girls need to know there are 3 holes, or is there value in letting it be a bit vague? 'Vulva' is certainly useful in its catchall vagueness.

TheOriginalFAB · 04/08/2011 20:38

Her father shouting at her to get her hands off her vagina is more of an issue.

kingbeat23 · 04/08/2011 20:39

Ah now, you see that is interesting peasant because earlier in the thread I had posted that I was taught to call it a vagina and that i was ridiculed by my peers and wanted to call it something else, you said that your peers did not ridicule you, they admired your naughty words at the age of 5.

Am I to presume that the fact is that you didn't call it a vagina in fromt of your peers at all as your post above states that you adapted your speech accordingly and spoke slang with your peers instead?

I have to admit I did get irrationaly annoyed by the post as to me it implied that you felt (and others who said they thought) that made up names meant that women were somehow misinformed about thier sexuality and thier parenting.

Now I have calmed down and thought about it (rationaly) I realise that the question wasn't what I called it and how I felt, rather should OP continue to use it when being told she was a bad parent for doing so. My view is and continues to be, yes, call it what you like. As long as parents are open with thier children and honest about thier functions and uses and not staid, victorian and prudish then you could call it a bearded clam for all I care!!

GetOutMyPub · 04/08/2011 20:40

we would never see this depth of discussion if the OP had asked...

"AIBU to call DS's penis and testicles, his penis & testicles."

On a sex-ed course that I was on years ago (I work in a primary school) I was told that girls should be brought up to use the correct terminology for all of their genitalia including the clitoris. Boys are generally brought up to name and differentiate between the parts of their genitalia from quite young whereas girls only seem to have one part to their genitalia.

tyler80 · 04/08/2011 20:49

whereas girls only seem to have one part to their genitalia

That's mostly down to biology though, rather than any sort of shame about body parts. Of course it varies from child to child, but for many it's not really feasible to identify the constituent parts.

festi · 04/08/2011 20:50

I may have missed it but did op say he shouted at her. I often have had to tell dd to stop playing or touching as she gets very sore, I dont think it is always appropriate for small children to be playing with them selfs at any given moment for a number of reasons.

Although I do tell my dd its her vulva, labia, vagina, clotoris, anus etc. I wouldnt particularly say those words Id more like likely say "leave your self alone" or "stop, touching, picking, scratching" as I would had she been playing with her mouth, ears or nose, which she also plays with and makes sore and needs to be told to stop. Although I dont think op or her oh using the word vagina or labia etc would be terrible common, I cant see what is wrong with it or an issue either.

PacificDogwood · 04/08/2011 20:51

I am really intrigued why these threads (and there are many, many of them) cause such a ruckus?? Is this not a reflection on how weird our own relationship to our bodies is? Just wondering...

FWIW, my DSs know and use 'penis', 'testicles' and 'vagina', they also know and use 'willie', 'balls' and 'cheeky bits' Blush.

So what. No big deal. DS3 aged 3 is quite fond of confirming in the middle of Tesco that I have a 'gina'. And he has declared that MIL has a 'pineapple' ConfusedGrin. All funny and harmless.

OP, YANBU and your family are repressed of course entitled to their opinion, but their reaction is OTT IMO. And, at the end of the day, what vocabulary you teach your DD is none of their concern.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/08/2011 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Macaroona · 04/08/2011 21:08

I have to add that whoever posted that their DD calls it a 'witwoo' - just Shock !!

MirandaGoshawk · 04/08/2011 21:14

Calls what a witwoo, Mac? Her foofy?

Grin
AmberLeaf · 04/08/2011 21:18

SGM is that because no one thinks a boy is repressed if he doesnt use the correct term for his 'willy'?

BestNameEver · 04/08/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 04/08/2011 22:46

I don't see why their is an issue with the little girl touching her own vulva/vagina. I wouldn't tell my daughter off for it, it's her body but I'd maybe suggest she do it in private because by telling her off you are making her ashamed of her body. WRT becoming aware that they have an orifice there, I don't think they could insert anything could they? It's protected by a hymen at such a young age isn't it?

PacificDogwood · 04/08/2011 23:15

Re the whole vulva/vagina debate - this is just derailing the issue. Namely whether to go with quite-matter-of-fact words for female genitalia or something twee - most of us will say 'leg' when we mean 'lower limb' and we all understand.

WRT showing bits off in public, I think it is not so much a matter of telling a child off (DS3 is very fond of waving his penis about, the bigger the audience the better Hmm), but teaching them that there is a time and a place for everything, including touching/exploring themselves.

Inserting stuff - oh, yes they can. I knew a 3 year old girl (not the daughter fof next door neighbour's auntie's cleaner's niece; I actually knew her) who was eventually hospitalised due to an infection caused by her storing cherry pits in her vagina - she had been told not to spit them in the street, so 'tidied' them away Shock. 23 of them. She was fine in the end.