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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call DD's vagina her vagina?

247 replies

LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 15:44

I don't think I am but this has now caused hell to the point where my 93 year old Grandmothet has refused to see me, my Bampi is yelling at me and everyone is up in arms.

Apparently it's a sexual term, not one to be used by little girls and I'm a bad mother. It's got to the point where my nosy grandma tried to find in laws in the phone book to complain to them about their horrible son using the word to his daughter "Get your hands off your vagina" after she was messing around.

What exactly is wrong with a three year old knowing her vagina is called just that. I'm not going to make up names for it.

Also, if DD uses this term in nursery Bampi seems to think I'll be called in for a meeting and asked not to return.

AIBU or are family just a load of bonkers twats?

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 03/08/2011 15:56

I agree with you but i wouldnt feel it was important enough to fall out with my 93 year old grandma about. I would accept that old people do see things differently and call it something else to keep the peace.

ShirleyKnot · 03/08/2011 15:58

haha SOH.

greengoose · 03/08/2011 15:59

If its any good in your defense, I worked with kids who had been abused for years, and its seen by professionals as unhelpful that girls are often not given the correct words to use for there body parts. (sometimes given no word at all).
It is usually clear for a boy to talk about their body, and there is little shame when a naked boy at the beach touches his penis and looks quite proud of his body, but a girl cant get away with this same confidence in her body. A girl is expected to use made up and often down right silly words, sometimes understood by nobody but her family. It is RIGHT for your DD to know how to name her body confidently and accurately. She should feel no confusion or shame about any part of her. (If you want her to use a 'pet' name too, then thats different, but she should know the right word too). Tell your out of touch, and (dare I say) slightly sexist detractors that! (sorry for rant, touched a nerve).

PerryCombover · 03/08/2011 16:00

my little girls say vulva..their gm cannot bear it as she thinks it means something else so says vagina

tulpe · 03/08/2011 16:01

YANBU. I cannot abide "cutesy" terms for the genitals. Makes me cringe. I do understand that older generations may have a different view but they do not have the right to start interfering at a level where they are contacting in-laws. And you do not have to change your views on this to suit other people. Your daughter, your style of parenting.

VelvetSnow · 03/08/2011 16:02

I may appear to be really ignorant and dumb here, but am I the only one thinking of the irony here....

you call your grandmother Bampi...?? But you don't want your dd calling her vagina anything other than vagina??

Way to go for calling a spade a spade Grin

FWIW I refer to dd's vagina as her flower, as did my parents refer to mine as such.....I'm not traumatised by calling a part of my anatomy something different in any way at all...

thehairybabysmum · 03/08/2011 16:03

You can get her to call it what you want although you are technically using the wrong name as others say.

However people will think you are bonkers for doing this. Rightly or wrongly most people do use non physiological terminology for both boys and girls genitalia, so you will just sound like a mad hippy for not doing so (as evidenced by your family's reaction).

NotQuiteCockney · 03/08/2011 16:03

I was going to make the same point as greengoose.

If a little girl goes to her teacher, and says 'my uncle touched my twinkie/foofoo/lalapinkle', would the teacher know what she's being told?

chibi · 03/08/2011 16:03

i know what a vulva is, but what's a Bampi?

Birdsgottafly · 03/08/2011 16:04

This is surely a generational thing?

You and your DD are more adaptable than your 93 year old GM is ever going to be on this matter. Most girls grow up with nick names for their bits but it doesn't damage them long term.

I had a arguement with my DD's head teacher because my DD dared to speak about her periods infront of a male teacher (POCS/bleeds daily) but when it comes to my 83 year old DM, in mixed company, they don't get mentioned.

It is difficult for someone over the age of 70 to have to relearn what is 'allowed' as it was beaten (often literally) into them what you can and carn't do as a female, why cause them the stress.

Birdsgottafly · 03/08/2011 16:05

Just to add my DD's have WooWoo's.

thehairybabysmum · 03/08/2011 16:07

Just you and me then everlong Grin

greengoose · 03/08/2011 16:07

Competely disagree with thehairybabysmum, my close friends find it v. conservative and a little 'WI' when certain friends (not many) still insist on silly words because they are unable to say the right ones. There is often sniggering. the ladies who cannot use the correct words are the same who debate whether it is ok to let there kids play naked, so there must be some hang ups there...!

PerryCombover · 03/08/2011 16:09

to be clear

the vulva is the name for all the external female sex organs lips minora majora clit etc
vagina is simply the inside tube and opening to that tube

ZonkedOut · 03/08/2011 16:10

I find it a bit odd that there's no commonly understood and acceptable name for girls' genitalia. Boys have "willy", but I can't think of a female equivalent. I can't stand some of the names I've heard ("foo foo" anyone?) either.

UntamedShrew · 03/08/2011 16:10

I'm stuck on this one too, and feel very ashamed and unfeministy for not having it all straight in my head that it is a vulva and that is the end of it.

My boys call their penises 'willies', as do we. I've just realised that there isn't a girl's equivalent, and it seems a bit mean that the boys get a cute little pet name for it and the girls get a biology text book. I think it's too late to go back and say no boys we call it a penis now. Arg.

All of the words I can think of for girls seem either twee (lala) or rude (fanny) or overly sexual. Help.

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:11

Yes Bampi Grin that is utterly ridiculous!

Sorry but people who insist on making their children call their 'bits' vagina and penis are pretentious twats and you will embarrass your children no end when they go to school/with friends/whatever and come out with those terms.

Obviously they are the correct terms but I dont call my arse my buttocks and I would prob sounds twatty if I did.

Stop trying to be 'clever' and just call it Mine was called 'front bum' , friends had amongst others 'foof' 'tuppy' 'mary' 'moomoo' etc

fantagrape · 03/08/2011 16:11

I taught my daughter it's her vagina, after reading just such a thread a few years ago. (although she says bagina instead).

Just don't like the idea of euphemising a part of her body.

I'm glad I did.

Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 16:14

Bampi is my Grandfather. My grandmother is grandma.

I was brought up calling my Bampi that. A lot of Welsh folk call their grandfather Bampi around these parts

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:14

But its not her vagine fantagrape its her vulva

At least get the name right if you're going to do it that way!

PerryCombover · 03/08/2011 16:15

do you mean vulva and vagina or vagina?

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:15

oops I said vagine not vagina...now im thinking of Borat!

activate · 03/08/2011 16:16

unless she is ramming her hands inside her vagina you have the wrong word

the vagina is not on the outside

you mean vulva

Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 16:16

I shall call it vulva but like I said, she has been known to touch her vagina which is where this stemmed from.

OP posts:
treas · 03/08/2011 16:16

With dd we call her genitalia her front bottom although she knows all the biological terms that are applicable to that area. She also know that her brother has a scrotum, penis, testicles etc.

However, although dc know the terms we have made a point in telling them that they are words that are ok for adults to use but not appropriate for small children to say as they don't sound nice.

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