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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call DD's vagina her vagina?

247 replies

LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 15:44

I don't think I am but this has now caused hell to the point where my 93 year old Grandmothet has refused to see me, my Bampi is yelling at me and everyone is up in arms.

Apparently it's a sexual term, not one to be used by little girls and I'm a bad mother. It's got to the point where my nosy grandma tried to find in laws in the phone book to complain to them about their horrible son using the word to his daughter "Get your hands off your vagina" after she was messing around.

What exactly is wrong with a three year old knowing her vagina is called just that. I'm not going to make up names for it.

Also, if DD uses this term in nursery Bampi seems to think I'll be called in for a meeting and asked not to return.

AIBU or are family just a load of bonkers twats?

OP posts:
Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 17:39

Luckily I grew out of that one but when I was 19 and I was pregnant with DD1 I came out with 'foof' and the midwife looked at me like I was mad as a box of frogs.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/08/2011 17:48

For gods sakes... let a child call it whatever she wants to call it... a small girl speaking about her body parts in correct anatomical language sounds pretentious.

If I heard a mother saying to her daughter "cover your vagina please darling".. it would sound a lot more ridiculous to me than a mum saying to her child "cover your bits/privates/nooni" up dear"..

I have never been in a conversation with adult friends where any of them refer to it as their "vagina" when speaking either.

ShowOfHands · 03/08/2011 17:53

I'm going to find a midwife tomorrow specifically to tell her I have pains in my twinkle. I suggest you all do the same.

msbuggywinkle · 03/08/2011 17:53

On the midwife thing...the ones round here all seem to ask about 'down there' which makes my fists itch.

Both DDs refer to their vulvas.

PrincessScrumpy · 03/08/2011 17:54

vagina's not offensive - pussy I'd have issues with. dd calls hers her foofoo (really can't remember whether dh or I started it).

pinkytheshrinky · 03/08/2011 17:57

I cannot understand why on Earth a pet name cannot be used for genitalia. Really it seems those who insist on 'correct medical terminology' are taking themselves a little seriously. It really is no biggie at all in the scheme of things is it?

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 18:00

Sorry pinky but I was just wondering whether by any stretch your MN name could be one such pet name....

BahHumPug · 03/08/2011 18:00

I have never understood why children cannot call their genitals by their actual names. It's not pretentious - you wouldn't think a child singing 'head shoulders knees and toes' was that, would you?! It's not as if they're giving them their Latin names FFS.

All this 'foo foo', 'minnie', 'blessed flower' stuff does my head in. Why are people so terrified of children knowing that they have a vagina?! Do they think that this is a gateway to underage sex?

FWIW, I have a close friend who works in a hospital with young women on a gynae ward. They're usually around the 25 year old age mark. When they're treated, it can take them up to TWENTY minutes to name where the pain is, after they have gone through the words 'foof' etc. They are utterly incapable of saying the word 'vagina'. It's weird.

pinkytheshrinky · 03/08/2011 18:03

No mine's called a cunt Grin

ShowOfHands · 03/08/2011 18:04

"I cannot understand why on Earth a pet name cannot be used for genitalia. Really it seems those who insist on 'correct medical terminology' are taking themselves a little seriously. It really is no biggie at all in the scheme of things is it?"

Yes pinky, by all means call it what you like, but why can't I do the same and why exactly is it pretentious or taking yourself seriously to say vulva/vagina? And why the belief that parents 'insist' upon it. Nope. They merely use the words themselves and it's just normal to them. It's not a bloody crusade.

You can say tuppence if you want. But why should I have to?

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 18:08

Okay in all sober seriousness, I work with people aged 18-21 - at a uni - and even among 'educated' 'middle class' girls there is an ASTONISHING lack of knowledge about matters sexual. In the last year I have had girls who didn't know that it was technically possible to get PG on your period, that you could gets STIs from oral sex, and one girl who didn't know she was PG until was nearly 6 mos gone.

It is not the 1950s. Seriously I think girls in particular need educating about what their bodies have, how they work, and what they're called. Witness BahHumPug - they need to have the confidence and vocab to assert themselves to HCPs, male partners, etc. I do think there is a connection between being able to name something properly and having confidence about it.

alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 03/08/2011 18:09

My dd (5) knows her vagina is called a vagina, she calls it a Fu-Fu. Not a name I've used with her.

Conjures up the song little rabbit fufu running through the forest oh dear just realised all the connotations in THAT song. Eek Blush

ErnesttheBavarian · 03/08/2011 18:09

I hate the proud and defiant vagina stuff though, cos usually they don't mean vagina anyway. So all these people going on about sticking to the correct words usually aren't anyway. And as for the silly example of adult women going to the doctor/midwives with pains in their 'twinkle' - Hmm Willy is a commonly used and accepted word for penis. I'm sure not many 18 yr olds/40 yr olds would go to the doctor and say they had willy problems. Cos you know, people, along with their language usage grow up.

RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 18:12

Ernest... It. Was. A Joke. Get a sense of humour, they're free!

pinkytheshrinky · 03/08/2011 18:14

No I think my ladies refer to theirs as 'bits'. It hasn't come up much to be honest! But lots of people here are saying how much it upsets them (the pet name thing I mean) and I cannot understand that at all, how can it do any harm? I personally am not offended by a child or indeed anyone referring to their lady garden (you see what i did there?) as a vulva but I can see why people find that really challenging. My son doesn't refer to his penis as anything except a winkie - is that wrong too? I cannot understand the dogma around it that is all.

A FWIW I don't think giving your foo foo (and again) a pet name means you are scared of your child knowing they have a vagina - it just isn't that serious. Flipping heck did not realise this was such a hot potato (no pun intended..)

Fooffy · 03/08/2011 18:14

< sobs at foof/fooffy being used in such a way >

I am breaking my holiday silence to add there is bugger all wrong with using the correct terminology. This really hit home with me after hearing a friends son call it a " Mary". Hmm
I grit my teeth and pretended I didn't hear.
" Mary" FFS

Fooffy · 03/08/2011 18:17

Incidentally, I am currently in Wales and you can't move for Bampis. They're everywhere. Falling over the cute little old buggers!

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 18:23

Foofy incidently the example I know of someone calling their 'bits' 'Foof' was a welsh woman and her daughters that I used to know!

pinkytheshrinky · 03/08/2011 18:24

Okay in all sober seriousness, I work with people aged 18-21 - at a uni - and even among 'educated' 'middle class' girls there is an ASTONISHING lack of knowledge about matters sexual. In the last year I have had girls who didn't know that it was technically possible to get PG on your period, that you could gets STIs from oral sex, and one girl who didn't know she was PG until was nearly 6 mos gone.

It is not the 1950s. Seriously I think girls in particular need educating about what their bodies have, how they work, and what they're called. Witness BahHumPug - they need to have the confidence and vocab to assert themselves to HCPs, male partners, etc. I do think there is a connection between being able to name something properly and having confidence about it.

I have to agree with this but just using the correct terminology for their genitals is not going to change that - there is a whole prevailing wind to not educate and empower young women (and young men for that matter) in the realities if sexual relationships, their own and other's bodies, respect and pleasure - all those real qualities in human relationships seem to be very low down on the list when educating children. Just calling a vulva what it is is a drop in the ocean as far as I am concerned. We as parents have a responsibility to give our children the confidence to assert themselves. I don't think that letting my ladies call their bits bits is anything to do with it. It is about me taking responsibility for their sexual education.

walkersmum · 03/08/2011 18:24

Off topic slightly my Granny used to teach all her grandchildren a little poem which starts ?I have a little pussy?
Watching the slightly older children going bright red and trying not to laugh, great fun.

Maybe proper names are good ??..

pinkytheshrinky · 03/08/2011 18:25

Yes Mary, I know a couple f people that call it tht. Where the feck did that come from.

Surely not from the Holy Virgin Mother?????

PerryCombover · 03/08/2011 18:28

Right
It's not a farking vagina got it. Unless they mean the bit the boy foo foo goes up when you are baby dancing

greengoose · 03/08/2011 18:35

Maybe mumsnet should have a competition to come up with a generic name for "girly foofoo"......Grin

lashingsofbingeinghere · 03/08/2011 18:38

At times like this I always wonder what the right-on Swedes tell their children to call their genitalia. Anyone?

FWIW - I fully support the idea that we should teach our kids the correct word for their genitals.

I think it is also important to teach them that some people find these correct words spoken out loud a bit embarrassing, because these words refer to very special, personal and private parts.

So they might prefer to call them "private parts" as this is a fairly widely understood term (or used to be).

God I sound old.

ErnesttheBavarian · 03/08/2011 18:43

what was a joke? why be rude?

Your 'anecdote' (can't remember) might have been a joke, but point has been made by a few people here about grown women still using baby words for their genitals. This has been used as an argument against using baby words.
My point was willy is often called willy, but most men seem to be able to adapt their vocabulary with age.

I could get a sense of humour. If I weren't so busy (procrastinating) and tired.

At the same time you could get some manners perhaps.