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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
piratecat · 03/08/2011 10:58

how the fuck did he know an electrician was fitting a security light past a garden, a jetty, a road and a garden.

is he the bionic man.

Ormirian · 03/08/2011 11:00

Perhaps he is an astronomer and is campaigning against unneccessary light pollution.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 11:01

but I didn't want him to "succeed" at his 1 am threats.

I think this says it all. You have to live with this man as a neighbour-succeeding in the short term makes the long term difficult.
It is always best to keep the 'moral high ground' by being resonable and polite-once you stoop to his level on 'tit for tat' you are lost.

minipie · 03/08/2011 11:02

x posted with the details of where he lives

Ok that's a bit weird - hard to see how he can see the light (though he did know it was on)

But you didn't know where he lived at the time he complained. For all you knew he could have backed on to you. So Y were still BVU.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 11:02

This all feels a bit drip-feedy to me...

Now you're saying the boys or one of them heard the threat and was scared.

The man doesn't live near you...

Weird thread.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 11:06

I expect there is a long history with this neighbour-it wasn't a one off, out of the blue.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/08/2011 11:06

The thing is mitmoo that he has twice for the light to be off/changed and both times you have ignored his requests (in whatever manner).

He didn't become bullying/threatening until you called him rediculous (sp).

you then antagonise him more by leaving the light on.

even with the position of his house you havn't gone out of your way to be nice

ShirleyKnot · 03/08/2011 11:07

Oh dear OP, it's just one thing after another isn't it?

I would suggest that you forget all about this now, no going to the police or taking videos or photos or anything else. Surely you want to live in some peace rather than one dramatic episode after another?

TattyDevine · 03/08/2011 11:08

I can't help but feel that if he (a) could see an electrician fitting the light during the day enough to know what it was and (b) knew it was on in the middle of the night he must, on some level, be disturbed by it, regardless of what lies in between your house and his. By virtue of the fact he even knew it was on, he must on some level be affected by it.

That, and the fact you left it on in defiance, makes me think you are being unreasonable about this and are causing problems for yourself that could be avoided or dimimished somewhat.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 11:08

He could see it but no way it was glaring into his bedroom.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 03/08/2011 11:08

a devils advocate point here is also that your issue is that he complained in the day, about the light possibly disturbing him when it wasn't on, and then you don't like it when he comes round in the night when it IS on and it is disturbing him as that time is inapropriate. When would you like him to complain?

Threatening is not on, as everyone has said, but 1 in the morning to complain about being kept awake is quite normal i would think. (as you would have probably been trying to sleep for a couple of hours first)

Whatmeworry · 03/08/2011 11:08

Sorry, no one comes round at 1 am to complain about light disturbing their sleep if there is in fact no light disturbing their sleep. OP, take it as an indication that your light disturbs your neighbours and act accordingly

And as to him being a nutter and "not wanting him to succeed at his threats" - I'm afraid he is clearly not the only nutter in this saga. I'll put it down to both of you being tired.

I would go over now, apologise and try and form a bond from a mutual misunderstanding.

mumeeee · 03/08/2011 11:09

YABU. A bright light would have disturbed me and DH. Your neighbour was being a bit unreasonable to threaten you bur you were rude to him. You should have just turned the light off. 14 year olds do not need a bright light on all night.

Spuddybean · 03/08/2011 11:10

and for me even a small amount of light is disturbing - doesn't have to be 'glaring'.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 11:10

Spuddy I couldn't believe I was being woken at 1 am by such a rude man. I was polite when he asked in the day and told him the electrician was sorting it before he left. It was being installed. Though I did think he was a miserable git for complaining then.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 03/08/2011 11:12

if he had have asked differently would you have turned it off?

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 11:13

Also, OP, you say that you didn't offer the neighbour a decent explanation due to being half-asleep. He probably threatened you due to being exhausted by being kept awake THEN being called ridiculous. Plus, we don't even know what the threat was. Police, maybe?

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 11:13

To explain a bit further the houses that back onto mine are end terraces, the houses who back on to mine didn't complain, my neighbours didn't complain but a bloke who lives a full street away did.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 11:14

Maybe he wanted to watch the meteorite shower??

minipie · 03/08/2011 11:14

If he could see it, then it could disturb him. Doesn't matter if it glares directly into his bedroom - just having a bright light visible in the corner of your eye is enough to stop some people (eg me) sleeping.

And 1am is absolutely the right time to complain about sleep being disturbed. If he'd complained in the morning you'd probably have said "he can't really have been disturbed or else he'd have complained in the night".

I think your own tiredness and annoyance at being woken up led you to react unreasonably.

Ormirian · 03/08/2011 11:15

So why do you think he made the effort to come round at 1am to complain mitmoo?

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 11:15

Police have just been around, they can't see how the hell it was keeping him up either and are going around to have a chat with him and have assured me that this is the last I will see from him, they'll warn him off.

Then they'll come back and let me know how they've got on.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 03/08/2011 11:15

Tut! It doesn't matter - none on it matters, You were unreasonable. You really were.

Chalk it up, go and apologise and have a cup of tea or something.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 11:16

ormirian why would someone complain about a security light when it was being fitted in the day about the glare of the light? I have no idea.

OP posts:
minipie · 03/08/2011 11:17

Possibly because they knew it would disturb them when it did go on?