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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 04/08/2011 00:10

^YABU, Security lights are very bright and distracting. Someone down the road has one that is on all night and it's horrible.
Don't you have any solar lights that they can keep in the tent at night and recharge in the garden at night.
But then your neighbour sounds a bit scary!

Ripeberry · 04/08/2011 00:10

Sorry, meant to say "recharge in the daytime"

Whatmeworry · 04/08/2011 00:37

Blimey is this still going!!!

Frankly I think OP and Old Boy were both nutters BU, I do Feel sorry for the poor kid though, all he wants is to camp in the garden and his mum turns it into WW3. Sometimes being "right" gets the wrong outcome.

Regardless of wrongs or rights IMO it's always better to be considerate with neighbours - I would have explained/apologised first, not called the cops

takethisonehereforastart · 04/08/2011 00:45

God, this thread just took up the best part of an hour in reading time and all the while my neighbours 'dusk to dawn' light has been twinkling away through my window.

That's not such a bright light though, all it really lights up is their own door, I can see it shining but not in a bothering kind of way. It comes on gradually at dusk, stays on all night and turns of gradually at dawn. Ours is motion sensored and lights up half the world for about a minute at a time, but only if someone decides to hop up and down on the garden path, waving their arms about and muttering "work, bloodly thing, work why don't you."

I think you've explained quite well OP that the light couldn't have been shining directly into the mans house but even so, I think you reacted in all the wrong ways too. You and he were both in the wrong. He should not have threatened you but you should not have attempted to provoke him further just to score a point in return.

We were kept awake last night too, by a house alarm in a neighbouring street, going off for about half an hour between 12:50am and 1:20am. It's been going off at random times for days, often late at night. I was sorely tempted to go and complain but wanted to avoid a situation like you have described so I have reported it to the Safer Neighbourhood team today instead.

It's horrible to be bothered by something like that, be it noise or light or whatever. And light does bother lots of people. We have blackout curtains because light pollution does stop me sleeping. DH can't even charge his phone in the bedroom because of a tiny green light on it that keeps me awake and causes my left leg to --accidentally twitch and kick him every so often until he turns the phone off Grin

Is it possible that his 3am threat would have been to call the police on you?

And is it possible that he was up watching television because he was in some way too bothered by your light to sleep?

Or perhaps worried about or intimidated by the presence of teenage boys in your garden and so not able to settle?

I know elderly people can sometimes find they are getting less sleep and they can become unnerved by a change from the norm. This, for him, might include a group of strange teenagers setting up camp in a normally dark garden now suddenly lit up for the second night in quick succession. He might have been concerned they would be camping out all summer long.

I agree with you, nobody is at their best at 1am whether they have just been woken up or have been kept awake and reached the end of their very short and rude tether.

He may have responded better if you had explained why the boys needed the light.

I don't think you should have called him ridiculous and told him to close his curtains, not when you had no idea which house he was in.

I think I would have called the police if I felt I, and more particularly children in my care, were being threatened in a vague but possibly serious way though.

You certainly shouldn't have kept the light on for a further hour just to prove a point. And if he hadn't complained, it would have been on all night, so you can't defend yourself to the people saying it was wrong to leave it on all night by saying you turned it off after an hour because you wouldn't have done otherwise (did that make any sense?)

I do think that this has been the sticking point for this thread. If you hadn't kept the light on to score a point I think you would have had a lot more sympathy.

The same goes for your reaction to the 'outcome' so far. Yes the police have been supportive of you and he knows that you won't take threats lying down. But you seem very gloaty in some of your comments (the "SUCCESS" one etc and all the "don't mess with me and mine" ones) and it makes it hard to see you as an intimidated victim of an unreasonable man.

I hope you're all having a better night tonight though. No alarms going of here (touch wood) so I'm off to try and catch up on my sleep too.

FellatioNelson · 04/08/2011 07:17

thatthisonehere that made me laugh! I have a light like that too - it will light up my driveway with every stray autumn leaf that flutters by, or every mouse that skips over the threshold, oh yes, but will it light up for me when I need to see my way to the dustbin, or the garage in the dark? Will it buggery.

I really dislike this insidious, creeping disease we have these days, of selfishness and oblivion to those around us. Sadly, as a society we have become so concerned with our own 'rights' that we have forgotten about everybody else's. Consequently we have spawned a whole generation of incredibly self absorbed and egotistical young people who (as a small but very telling example) think it is perfectly acceptable to subject everyone around them to tinny loud shite music blaring out of their phones, or over-loud sweary phone conversations wherever they go, just because they are 'entitled' to, and they don't see why they should need to stop and think about the impact on anyone else.

Incidentally, these threads always remind me of exactly why I go out of my way to choose houses that have as few close neighbours as possible, even it that brings other incoveniences. I used to live in a road where so many of the neighbours would regularly yell at/threaten one another for something or other it started to make me ill in the head.

LadyFlumpalot · 04/08/2011 08:49

May I make a suggestion? I live in a part of the world that doesn't have many streetlights. It is pitch black here at night, and I mean pitch. We have a set of 6 little solar garden lights that run down the side of the path in the front garden to help us see our way to and from the door when it is dark. They operate on 3 LED's and light up a miniscule patch of pathway each- but it is enough to let us see the path and doorway.

I have been round to the neighbours and checked, not one of them had even noticed we had them, and they are in the front garden! Could you get some of those for your back garden for when the boys are camping out?

Not overly sure you will be back OP, but leaving this just in case.

Chandon · 04/08/2011 08:55

I so agree with the last two posts.

Funnily, only yesterday a large group of teens came onto the train, being noisy and playing loud music on their phones. I went over to them and asked to turn it down/off as it was bothering others. They seemed very embarrassed and switched it off. It was as if it hadn't occurred to them. Like you say, FellatioNelson, they had not even THOUGHT if and how it would affect others.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 09:24

addressbook Oh I do wish the bully brigade would fuck off now. Nothing better to do than snipe at a stressed mum worried about her ds. Mumsnet at its most glorious hmm Not all old people are nice because they are old. I man ringing a young woman's door in the middle of the night and threatening to come back with consequences. Come on. Even if the light was annoying you, there are more decent ways to handle it. Dissecting her posts to try and discredit her, for goodness sake.

Very true.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 09:25

There are some really pathetic bullies on this thread. That is all of you that have been laughing at the OP and taking the piss out of her and trying to discredit her. Every single one of you is exibiting the sort of bullying and ganging up behaviour that I'd expect from a bunch of particularly socially lacking children. I guess that's why you come on here though, you wouldn't get away with such behaviour in real life.

addressbook · 04/08/2011 10:04

Yes FellatioNelson and there is an insidious, creeping problem of bullies as well. From the playground onwards it seems.

glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 10:16

OP asked if she was being unreasonable. the opinion of most posters was that she was. OP didn't accept this, and banged on and on, drip feeding info. those responding pointed out inconsistencies in the story and the fact that they still felt she WBU.

How is that "bullying"?? she asked a question, it was answered.

what's the point in an AIBU board if you are accused of bullying if you think a person IBU?

Bullying? my bum! if you term the responses on here as bullying then you need a reality check

imisssleepandwine · 04/08/2011 10:34

537 posts over an old man and a security light.. sad... and many of you seem pretty wound up and aggressive over it all. I'm all for people expressing their opinions, that's what we come on here for after all but being rude and aggressive is never a good luck...

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 11:32

glitterkitten She can bang on and on as much as she likes. She can refuse to accept your opinions as much as she likes. She can add bits of information as and when they occur to her.

She can do all of these things without having to endure such nastiness. Just because someone posts in AIBU doesn't mean you can rip them to pieces and exhibit such childish bullying behaviour. No sorry that's an insult to children, my 5yo is more mature then you bullies and has more concern about other peoples feelings. What "interesting" people you must be in RL. Probably explains why a lot of you spend so much time on a forum.

As for those inconsistencies . . . It's not up to you to decide whether or not someone else is telling the truth. It's not up to you to disect the info someone else gives in some desperate need to prove them a liar.

You personally have had a message on this thread deleted (what did that say I wonder). You have implied that she is doing it for attention and that she's not popular in real life, that she is a liar and have commented on her timekeeping and how she couldn't have found the time to do all the things she said she did.

If you don't believe someone just go away! Because if you are wrong how do you think that makes someone feel? Do you care about that? Does it even occur to you? Do you have the intelligence to properly think about that and change your behaviour?

This may be harsh, but if you give it out I am sure you can take it.

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 11:46

Well said WhoseGot and address there were some particularly ugly postings yesterday, totally unnecessary by posters who were hissing in the pind. I know there weren't inconsistencies because there aren't when you are telling the truth.

As for the timelines they will fit because it was the truth.

Perhaps they were sitting down recording the times of all of my posts but got the maths wrong. Some people have such limited thinking they simply weren't able to work that out.

OP posts:
glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 11:46

i'm not bullying anyone. Banter does not equal bullying!!

i'm not going to accuse you of bullying me because you compared me to a child!

perspective please, perspective!

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 11:49

Glitter, whose got got too close. I didn't allow your nasty posts make me feel bullied, I'm better than that. Perhaps instead of perspective you should really have along look in the mirror. You and a few others too. Truly your posts were more akin to a playground bully's behaviour that a responsible adult's.

OP posts:
glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 11:55

well that's just silly.

If the definition of bullying is as stated by yourselves, then i too am a victim

boo hoo me. wonder if the police would assist? Hmm

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 11:58

You've had enough people refer to it in derogatory terms throughout this thread. What you do with their opinions that bullying has been rife is completely up to you. Several people have commented on it.

Still so long as you had fun eh?

That's all I'll say on that issue.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 12:00

It was a very acurate observation glitter.

"Perspective". Seriously?! You bully someone and ask for perspective! In other words you feel that what you did is minor and nothing? Is that how high you rate other people's feelings? As minor?

glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 12:04

This is beyond boring now.

you bullies

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 12:07

I'll take it that's a joke?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 12:14

Aaah look! (shock) someone stood up to the bully and they ran away!

Waves bye bye

Whatmeworry · 04/08/2011 12:19

OP: AIBU?
90%+ MN - YABU (Reason Reason Reason)
OP: Bollocks I'm Not (Drip Drip Drip)
90%+ MN - Oh yes you are (Reason Reason Reason)
OP/Acolytes - You are all nasty bullies to say IBU
MN - WTF? Why come on AIBU then if you think you were BU anyway?

End Of Thread.

glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 12:24

"What "interesting" people you must be in RL. Probably explains why a lot of you spend so much time on a forum."

pot. kettle. black?

seriously. get a life.

Bully

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 12:39

WhatmeWorry It's not saying YABU that makes a person a bully is it? Do you really not understand that?! It's the name calling (for eg when you called the OP a "nutter"), the calling the OP a liar, dissecting her messages to make her seem like one, the laughing at her.

Just because someone comes on here doesn't mean that they HAVE to accept your opinion if they still don't agree with it. That is their right. They also have the right not to be ganged up on.

It really is very, very nasty to see. Although unfortuneately part of human nature. I remember a study where they showed that if one person in a group is picked on by another then gradually the others all join in (pathetic weak minds humans have).

I am not a follower of anyone by the way, but someone who doesn't like bullying in any form, whether in the playground or on an internet forum. It really makes you realise how much people don't change after school, they just don't get the same opportunities to act like bullies.