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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 22:31

"Cupcake you really are becoming a little tiresome now with your insults and accusations yadda yadda"

OK but could you answer my perfectly reasonable question about what the point of starting an AIBU thread is if you're going to spit and snarl at everyone who says you are BU?

addressbook · 03/08/2011 22:35

cupcake that old line has soooo been done to death. Let it drop ffs

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/08/2011 22:38

Bloody hell is the heat getting to some of you? FFS chill

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 22:38

Oh, I do apologise, addressbook. Why don't you write a little list of what we can/cannot say on here then we can not worry about upsetting you, pet.

Or if it's quicker, just write a list of what IS acceptable for you, which is "Do NOT disagree with the OP."

FellatioNelson · 03/08/2011 22:40

Shock Blimey. No wonder Dave thinks there is scope to apply the trimming scalpel to the police force.

scurryfunge · 03/08/2011 22:41

cupcakes, some of your comments are valid but you are coming across as a bully, tbh.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 22:41

It seems to be running and running. All OP needs to do is go around and apologise-say she thinks it just got overheated, when they were both tired, and hope that they can both put it behind them and start again.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/08/2011 22:45

Cupcakes to quote my mad old mother "It's all in the tone of voice!"
(and no I'm not disagreeing with you/accusing you of anything/having a goetc etc)

bellavita · 03/08/2011 22:47

I think the term is dog and bone with some of you....

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 22:52

Not a bully, just shocked and that at how one-sided this all is. OP can be aggressive but is allowed to feel all affronted when she gets some back. She doesn't find light annoying so why does anyone else? It can't possibly have been keeping him awake, he must have been making it up just to upset her... Of course.

I did begin by offering an alternative, more diplomatic response to this kind of thing. Then OP started with the success stuff and going on about WINNING and yeah, I did start to feel a bit stabby. FFS who gives a shit about "winning" such a ridiculous spat when the prize is living next to someone who will probably make your life miserable at any given chance? When a simple "Sorry, my son is autistic and he needs the light on. I'll sort something different out next time" would have solved it all?

scurryfunge · 03/08/2011 22:58

But there is no need to make it personal. You seem to have over invested in this thread. Challenge the behaviour.

addressbook · 03/08/2011 23:00

It's just this relentless analysis of op words and account of what happened. Its a little weird. The anger and vitriol is bizarre. And yes you do come across as a bully.

ifancyashandy · 03/08/2011 23:01

What Bupcakes said.

InTheNightKitchen · 03/08/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 23:08

Over-invested? I've been out most of the day.

Look, I see glaring, big holes in the story. I asked about them. Quite directly actually, but like I said the "success/winning" thing was rather irritating. You don't like that I'm questioning the inconsistencies because you happen to agree with the OP. If you were on another thread and you a) happened to think that the OP was coming across as a bit of dramatic/aggressive and b) that things didn't stack up, you'd most likely question it. It happens here. People ask questions. Sometimes the OP will answer and things fall into place and the questioner will say "right you are". Sometimes the OP will come back with some other piece of weird info' and it will be questioned again.

I'm not even angry. I am just genuinely irritated THEN confused by certain things but if you like, if it will make you feel better, I will agree with you: OP isn't unreasonable. She sounds like she's operating on full batteries and this story is 100% waterproof.

scurryfunge · 03/08/2011 23:09

Do you know things InTheNightKitchen?

scurryfunge · 03/08/2011 23:13

cupcakes......let it go. You are doing it again Grin.

You are making it personal.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 23:15

Whatever.

This thread is weird.

I'll leave you all to it.

addressbook · 03/08/2011 23:15

Playground tactics. Of course you can disagree, have an opinion. I just sensed a dynamic I am all too aware of and I don't like

InTheNightKitchen · 03/08/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fit2drop · 03/08/2011 23:33

If some twat had deliberately antagonised my 70 yr old dad by keeping a security light on unnecessarily (just to prove a point (what point exactly??) after he had been "forced" to venture out into the street at 1 am and walk a fair way (according to op he does not live THAT close) therefore putting himself in danger (who knows who is lurking around streets at that time in a morning praying on vulnerable people) I would go feckin nuts.!!!!

Not only were you dismissive of his complaint you were bullying in your response. He is an old man . The children may be vulnerable but they had you as a rottweiller to look after them , that poor man was disturbed by your light, which you deliberately kept on unnecessarily, then a visit by the police which would have worried/scared or confused him.

How very brave you are OP. I hope you are suitably proud of yourself!
and yes I have security lights....they are a pita.... its like a fecking airplane landing strip when they come on so yes he was within his rights to complain and you are BVVVU and teaching the children quite a nasty message about respecting others and their needs

GwendolenHarleth · 03/08/2011 23:38

YABU to leave a light on that is keeping neighbours awake and to leave it on when told that it is keeping them awake. A simple "Oh sorry, I hadn't realised it was disturbing you I will turn it off" would have been better and would have stopped things escalating.

TheSkiingGardener · 03/08/2011 23:41

This is an utterly, utterly bizarre thread.

People seem to be foaming at the mouth over a security light.

SoupDragon · 03/08/2011 23:48

"*What Jux said.

Thank god you don't live anywhere near me.*

Why do you visit neighbours at 1 AM threatening them? Shameful behaviour."

Don't be utterly ridiculous, of course I don't - I have said all along the threats were wrong. I would go round to someone's house at 1am if something was really bothering me (and it would have to be really bothering me). However, if someone complains to me about something like a security light/noise etc I simply apologise and attempt to rectify the problem. I don't tell them they are being ridiculous and dismiss their concerns, thus fuelling their anger.

I thank god that you don't live near me because my neighbours are far more considerate and/or unthreatening than either of the two badly behaved people in this sorry little drama.

You asked what people thought. People told you. Not all of them agreed with you but you just dismissed those.