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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:45

He came to the door and was aggressive from the off.

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 03/08/2011 15:13

Okay, I have read the entire thread and I STILL don't understand why you didn't just say, 'Look, my son has autism and he needs that light on, do you mind?'

Because by your own admission he didn't threaten you right away. Why didn't you just try to defuse the situation?

Also, when should he have complained? You said upthread that it was silly for him to complain in the day when the electrician was there, you're now saying that he shouldn't have complained in the night.

Seriously, as a general principle, if you are doing something that disrupts someone's rest/ sleep at night, do you think they should wait patiently until morning to say something? Why can't they go over and say something then?

pchip · 03/08/2011 15:17

"He came to the door and was aggressive from the off."

You leaving your light on caused his agression. So you started it, not him.

acatcalledfelix · 03/08/2011 15:18

But is meeting aggression with a rather unreasonable response the best way to go? Surely it's more sensible to reply "ok, I understand your point and I will turn off the light (or explain why you felt the light needed to be on, if you must), but there's not need to take that tone. You just needed to ask"

Only he didn't, did he? As someone just said, you decided that he was being ridiculous, so asking you to do something reasonable didn't cut the mustard.

I'm off ill today, that is my sad excuse for keeping returning to this thread! But for some reason OP your initial response has really made me seethe.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 15:28

revolting Acat I could have done just as you say but I was woken at 1 am by an aggressive man and was still in groggy sleep mode, it was never going to bring out the best in me.

revolting I thought he was ridiculous to complain about it when the electrician fitted it because the electrician hadn't even left and was still working on it. I was not rude on that occasion, told him to the effect the electrician was sorting it out and it would be set up properly. I did think he was ridiculous then I just kept it to myself.

pchip as it now turns out, he could see the light in my garden, there was absolutely no way it was going into his windows but he could have seen it from his window. Big difference. Though I could not have known that last night.

The light is set to face down so it only lights my garden and was fitted properly by an electrician.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 15:29

sorry meant to say you can't cause someone to be aggressive, they make that choice.

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 03/08/2011 15:31

I love this thread - for the sheer awkwardness of the OP. Nothing like a bit of drama to make your life more interesting, is there? Grin

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 15:35

Abby it was a hoot just what we all wanted. Hmm

OP posts:
pchip · 03/08/2011 15:38

"sorry meant to say you can't cause someone to be aggressive, they make that choice"

I would argue that being sleep deprived in my own home would in fact cause me to become unreasonably agressive.

I would also point out that you keep excusing your own agressive response to your neighbour because you were woken up by him at 1am by a knock at your door.

So if he didn't cause you to be agressive, you made that choice.

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 15:40

You leaving your light on caused his agression. So you started it, not him

He is responsible for his own outbursts of agression I think.

That sounds a bit like blaming a DV victim for 'making' her abuser angry.

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 15:41

She wasnt agressive though pchip.

AbbyAbsinthe · 03/08/2011 15:46

The thread is a hoot though Grin

I wouldn't have appreciated the knock on the door at 1am either, to be fair - but luckily my good manners and consideration for others would have kicked in and saved me from looking like a bit of a tit.

festi · 03/08/2011 15:55

some people are just very intolerant. I wouldnt worry now op, all a storm in a tea cup now. I dont think you where UR for leaving the light on and your neighbour was UR for coming round at 1am, possible if you had left the light on for a few nights and it was affecting him, then yes he should probably pick a reasonible time of day to knock and ask that you dont do it anymore. I suffer from terrible insomnia and panick attacks at night, ny neighbours have the odd wii singing sessions till the earlier hours, that is actually ver very loud and it really does affect me for a few days after, i drift off and wake in a panick, but do you know what thats my problem not theirs and I would nt dream of impossing that upon their right to enjoyment.

are people really that intolerant of each other that the odd light once in a blue moon or weekend party people are right round there knocking demanding they shut up or turn the light off. live and let live and a bit of give and take.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 15:57

pchip he wasn't sleep deprived he was watching his television. I wasn't aggressive, I was unpleasant, not aggressive. To me aggression would be to run him off the property or to have told him to fluff off or to have threatened him. The worst thing I did was to tell him he was being ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 16:00

amber I agree the aggressor should take responsibility for their actions - he made me do it is stuff for playgrounds.

festi Sorry to hear of your panic attacks and your neighbours. I don't think it is OK to be playing games in the early hours loudly, that's not fair.

It's all good now hopefully and we'll get a better nights sleep tonight.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 03/08/2011 16:04

Izzy, I think you must have lived next door to my bro and his ex - she was always whinging on about the neighbours' unreasonable noise levels and behaviour Grin (she didn't have many friends)

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 16:07

So how far away is his house?

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 16:10

Maybe he had tried to sleep but the light disturbed him? Or disturbed his wife? watching tv cos he couldn't sleep.

You didn't get on with another neighbour you say?

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/08/2011 16:10

mitmoo

You sound just like my ex nieghbour.

she was "unpleasant" to live next too,

but then she had a very similar attitude to yours.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 16:17

whose got Light on top of door outside. Then one garden, a jetty, another garden, a house and then a road. Slight gap between two of the end terraces so he would have been able to see the light, it is impossible that it could have shone into his home, the light even points down towards my garden not outwards.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 16:18

ILT boundary dispute with other neighbour, they were wrong, they lost.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 03/08/2011 16:18

OP is soaking up all this attention like a sponge. If she'd have buggered off this thread would have died hours ago.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 16:27

Thank you for your contribution dickie

OP posts:
yoshiLunk · 03/08/2011 16:27

Mitmoo if you look back at the two posts I have made on this thread you will see that neither have been unkind, I think you took my last one the wrong way tbf.

This has taken up too much of your time and trouble today already, hasn't it? The sleep over/camping was a great thing for your son and his friends to enjoy, just try to find a friendly compromise or some way that you can do it again for them without rattling your neighbour's cage or giving him any cause to continue this 'dispute' and it turning into a disaster. - it's really not worth it.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 16:28

dickiedavisthunderthighs Wow that's really nasty! Why do you feel the need to be like that? If you don't want to read the thread then don't!