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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
bellavita · 03/08/2011 13:51

Am glad things are more settled now Mitmoo.

altinkum · 03/08/2011 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 13:57

REDHOT It's great advice but when you are opening your door at 1 am when you were fast asleep to be met by Mr. Agressive the average person may well been hacked off too.

I don't feel I have won anything, it's been horrible and I got the police involved to make sure there won't be a repeat. I don't want agressive men getting me out of my sleep and upsetting everyone.

Amber It was me who was visited in the middle of the night you're right. They did visit him earlier this morning though which I hope will teach the old git not to make threats to people in future and keep him far far away from my front door.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/08/2011 13:57

You shouldn't live your life in fear especially now that the police have had a word with your neighbour and put him on notice, so to speak.

The weather's looking good for another night so why not sleep outside with your ds if his friends aren't available for another sleepover?

Make sure the security light is off by 11pm Grin

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 13:59

Chandon I have said if there is a next time there will be torches.

I do think knocking someones door over a light at 1 am is totally ridiculous. If there was a party going on fine, noise fine, but a light? I truly believe that should have waited until the morning.

He wasn't trying to sleep he was downstairs watching the television apparantly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:00

Izzy My son has just asked me for another sleepover but they'll all sleep in the lounge instead of the garden. Noooooooooooooo waaaaayyyyyyyy for tonight Grin

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/08/2011 14:12

Chandon I had the misfortune to live out in the suburbs next door to a pair of seriously unreasonable assholes.

It got to a point where I was scared to put my tv on, scared to put my stereo on, scared to use the vacuum cleaner, scared to use the washing machine, scared to sit in my garden with the radio quietly playing or use the mower and strimmer at any time of day, and I virtually pushed my car into the drive when I got home in case the noise of the engine disturbed them.

I lived like that for a good six months and then it was WAR. They lost Grin

I learned a lot from that experience; when I subsequently moved I started as I meant to go on. Reasonable requests are given reasonable consideration if they are made at a reasonable time of day, but I don't bow down to unreasonable demands at any time of the day or night.

Chandon · 03/08/2011 14:16

ah, I see. I see your point.

I am not surer the initial demand by the OAP was unreasonable though. In fact it seems that many agreed it was unreasonable to heve the floodlight on all night.

him threatening her was, clearly.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:18

Izzy some people see a single parent and think they're fair game for bullying. My next door neighbours tried it on over a fence an Prescriptive Rights wanting me to pull down my fences that were up on my land. When I first move in they were telling me where I could and could not put gates up.

They were OAPs too - they too lost when they tried to take me to court and I defended myself. The report I sent to their solicitors left him no choice but to drop the court action as his clients would lose.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 03/08/2011 14:18

I guess that a lot of mumsnetters had sleepless nights because of the heat hence all the grumpy posts!

encyclogirl · 03/08/2011 14:19

Agree, agree, agree Chandon. My MIL is no doubt a NIGHTMARE to live next door to for instance. Her neighbours have 3 small dc and in the summer she is on their backs 24/7 about the noise they make in the garden. The same children are all in bed by 7.00pm FFS.

She once tried to poison the cats on the other side because they roamed into her garden.

Witchypoo.

encyclogirl · 03/08/2011 14:19

I meant to agree with Izzy.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:21

Chandon The initial demand may not have been unreasonable but you don't knock peoples doors at 1 am and start off in an agressive way. Having just been woken up I was still groggy anyway.

I could have handled it better I guess but given the same set of circumstances again, I'd probably not have answered the door. It was a bit stupid of me to have opened it in the first place not knowing who was outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:23

encyclo poisoning cats, that's evil in my book, I hope she has managed to produce a child who looks to his mum and thinks that her way is not for him.

I'm sure he has.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/08/2011 14:26

You have a security light. It has annoyed someone. Any sane person would simply have apologised at the time and agreed to sort it. You started a verbal attack/argument and then left it on out of spite.

Did you at any time apologise for having disturbed him or did you just launch in and tell him not to be ridiculous? Whether or not you think it ridiculous or unlikely, he didn't wander round to yours at 1am just for the fun of it did he?

Bar the, quite frankly empty, threat you appear to be as intolerant and inconsiderate as each other.

Don't be so naive as to think this is the end of it. He only promised not to knock on your door.

acatcalledfelix · 03/08/2011 14:27

I would have come round at 1am to tell you to turn it off if it was keeping me awake. Noise or light, if it's disturbing your sleep what difference does it make. Also, about the point of him not being in bed. If there is noise here, a party or suchlike, I will usually stay awake for as long as I can in the hope that when I do go to bed it will have finished. If I try and go to sleep with a racket on, it just makes me even more wound up as there is no way I'd be able to sleep. Maybe he was hoping that you'd see sense and turn it off???

At any point have you accepted that your repsponse was maybe not the most sensible (ie saying bugger off and deal with it!)? Again, I don't think him "threatening" you was acceptable either, but can't you see how you just made the situation worse?

encyclogirl · 03/08/2011 14:28

Oh God he's nothing like her Mitmoo, she is ridiculously confrontational over the slightest thing.

Too much foam on my cappaccino? Why yes, I WILL demand to see the manager.

/end tangent.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:30

SOUP How could I start anything when I was asleep?

He came to the door, I stupidly answered, he was already aggressive.

If he had knocked this morning I'd have been reasonable but at 1 am, that is ridiculous.

I realise he has only promised not to knock again but if he does knock again after the police have told him not to, they have told him that they will take it further.

If he does then he really would be a very silly man indeed. He might be.

OP posts:
yoshiLunk · 03/08/2011 14:31

I think SoupDragon is right, if the old fellow has the balls to trot over to yours at 1am I doubt he'll let it lie.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:34

I didn't think he would be encylco Grin

Acat whilst I could not have known this last night, the light couldn't have been glaring into his property but he could see it from where he was in his lounge.

As has been said I was woken by an aggresive man and in all honesty the only thing I would do differently, is that I would not have answered the door at all at stupid o'clock.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 14:36

Cheers Yoshil Hmm only time will tell.

OP posts:
Jux · 03/08/2011 14:37

I don't think it's at all unreasonable at 1am to knock on someone's door, because that's the time you're being disturbed by them.

Mitmoo, I know you have your problems, but you aren't making life any easier for yourself. And to call the cops on the old boy. I am staggered Shock

I have knocked on neighbour's doors in hte past at (shock horror) 3am to ask them to turn the noise down/turn the lights off etc. If they'd told me to stop being ridiculous I'd have called the cops, yes, at 3am. That's when you're keeping me awake you see.

acatcalledfelix · 03/08/2011 14:38

Ok. It was "ridiculous" he woke you up, but not ridiculous he saw his sleep being disturbed by a neighour? And your sleep is more important than his how??

If this is your general take on life then I suspect that this is not the first and will not be the last time you end up having a confrontation with someone.

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2011 14:40

It's odd, for some reason (i.e. I have no life) I've been mulling this over on and off throughout the day and I have to say, if someone appeared at my door at 1.00am saying my light/noise/cat etc. was keeping them awake I would give serious consideration to the fact that they must be feeling genuinely aggrieved to come out at that time to point it out.
I would then feel guilty and apologise for the inconvenience. Then I would turn off the light or whatever.
I would never say they were being ridiculous - that would be projecting my ideas of what was acceptable onto others and we all have very different views on that sort of thing.
I think the OP's response of telling the old man he was ridiculous was what led to his aggression. But he shouldn't have threatened (although I suspect he was just mouthing off out of frustration), so he will now have been told that by the Police.

glitterkitten · 03/08/2011 14:43

"If this is your general take on life then I suspect that this is not the first and will not be the last time you end up having a confrontation with someone"

i agree. no wonder she's "anxious"