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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask why you hate mum & toddler groups?

172 replies

nomdeploom · 02/08/2011 14:59

I am a sahm to to two dc (a 2yo and a 5mo). The toddler group I go to is on 4 mornngs a week and without it I would go slightly mad. I have noticed a few comments on here by people saying that they hate them and never go and I just wondered why really.

OP posts:

flaminglip · 03/08/2011 15:25

I'm allergic to diet chat. Inane baby chat. bloody weaning chat. The 'how being a working mum (ie spending 6 hours a day in a polyester suit shouting into a phone with a biro in your hand) is SO difficult but you have to because if you didn't you wouldn't be able to go to the delightful place in Tuscany again this year and the X5 would have to go back' chat.

Was it Groucho Marx who said, "I'd never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member".

rant over

LineRunner · 03/08/2011 15:25

Personally I would pay good money to emigrate to a country where they allowed cocktail bars at mother and toddlers groups.

upahill · 03/08/2011 15:29

Line runner
I would concede that even I would go to a M&T group if thye had a cocktail bar!!

Tanyaaah · 03/08/2011 16:23

Just take a hip flask and they might seem a lot more fun!

jellybeans · 03/08/2011 17:25

I go to one and I like it. i don't mind chit chat or bowel movement or any other talk. I don't even mind if nobody talks to me. All my DC's have enjoyed them and I met new friends, and aquaintences through them. Only annoying thing is when people don't watch their kids.

scottishmummy · 03/08/2011 19:11

nomdeploom,precious moments mamas they finger paint,have heuristic play, sing,bake cakes,have jolly days and wax lyrical about their beloved baby and tell you how they couldn't or wouldn't miss a precious moment. they mutter darkly about working mums and opine how they'd never leave their baby with strangers or miss a precious moment

they regale you with how every day is full of precious moment

TandB · 03/08/2011 19:19

My day was full of precious moments. And not one of them included DS!

There was the precious moment when I found that my client wasn't arriving at court for another hour and a half so I could go and sit in the sun and drink strawberry frappucino.

And then the moment where my case got adjourned till the afternoon so I could go and sit in the sun and eat lunch.

And all uninterrupted by cries of "mummeeeeeeeeeee".

Happy times.

SiamoFottuti · 03/08/2011 19:19

The only real precious moment type I ever met was the Public Health nurse (equiv to your HV I think?) who told me I should give up studying while my babies were small, wittering on about how they are so small for such a short time and how much I'd regret not focusing on them while they were babies, that I'd never get the time back.
She was scandalised when I told her I was fucking delighted to not have to focus on them 24/7 and was glad I would never have to go through those precious moments again, soul destroying as they were.

scottishmummy · 03/08/2011 19:44

never get that time back only babies for short time. yep thats precious moments speak

my hv asked me what did you used to do.... like i had died
i told her, ans then she said well need to put all that being you,concentrate on being a mum now...
her gob hangeth open when i told her i was going back in 6mth

LineRunner · 03/08/2011 19:49

I've had more precious moments with my kids the older they've become, anyway.

chugsy · 03/08/2011 19:52

I haven't been to a toddler group for ages and went to one out of desperation today.

Perhaps it's only the 6 or 7 I've been to but I find them incredibly cliquey and the committees who run them seem to be full of officious, bossy women drunk on their own 'power'.

I walked into one I'd never been to before, got about two foot in the room, put DD2 down, began to look round me for who to pay the money to and a woman sitting behind me right next to the doorway so I hadn';t noticed her when I walked in BARKED at me "you need to come and give me your money please".

FGS, it's hardly like I'd skipped off into the utopia of a dingy, toddler strewn community hall cackling at how I'd diddled her out of two quid (2 quid!!! can you believe that??) I just needed to put the baby down before I could get my bag out.

I only go to get the kids out of the house and not because I want to speak to anyone else there but I also always seem to get cornered by people who expect me to ask questions all about them and their own children who NEVER ask me anything back. I just find it rude and annoying because I am generally trying to mumsnet on my iphone with a big 'please don't talk to me' sign above my head and I don't like being interrupted by someone who just wants to drone on about themself.

I could go on..

chugsy · 03/08/2011 19:52

To clarify - out of desperation was because there is no pre school atm!

Original poster

nomdeploom · 03/08/2011 20:54

Hmmm, I'm not sure about precious moments. I wiped up some poo and sick, does that count?

OP posts:

LineRunner · 03/08/2011 21:15

Chugsy, You can come to the Mother&toddler Club Tropicana when I've opened it.

scottishmummy · 03/08/2011 21:27

nomdeploom,yes of you did it feeling fulfilled and grateful you werent missing out on anything.aye,its a precious moment

TattyDevine · 03/08/2011 21:30

Haha. I saw this thread and that "ScottishMummy" was last to post and I thought, I'll click on it and see if she's mentioned the "precious moments" thing.

Never dissapoints.

(I'm with you though, I'm no precious moments mama myself, boarding school if only they'd take em under 5...)

scottishmummy · 03/08/2011 21:31

they so give me mirth

thefirstMrsDeVere · 03/08/2011 21:34

Thing is with baby groups you are either part of the clique or you are an outsider.

So even if you are a lovely person, if you are enjoying your group and have a great time chatting with your mates - you are one of those women that scare outsiders away.

Precious moments? Why would you have more of them in a cold and dusty church hall full of grubby toys and competative parents than you would at home?

InTheNightKitchen · 03/08/2011 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jesuswhatnext · 03/08/2011 22:33

just had a quick look round this thread and feel like i want to add my 10ps worth

my dd is now 19, when she was born i very quickly found myself a lone parent in a totally new town, no friends, no support network etc - i steeled myself one morning to walk into the M&T hall, really lonely, quite desperate infact for a chat with another adult - the women i met there are amoung my best and closest friends, we have been friends now for 18 and a bit years, most of our dcs have left home we socialise as couples and have grown closer over the years as our kids have thrown various 'curve balls' at us - i would really hate it if a lonely woman read this thread and was put off going in, im sure some groups are just as awful as described here, but i bet a lot are full of bright, funny, caring people.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/08/2011 22:34

Well said Jesus

jesuswhatnext · 03/08/2011 22:46

thank you - i meant to add, those were the women who i could call at 3.15 and ask to collect dd because i was running late from work, the ones who gave me hand-me-downs when i was broke, who babysat if i got a date and who cheered me on when i met dh and wavered (and the one who sat in the park with bottles of wine and picnics and screamed with laughter at each other! )

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