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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask why you hate mum & toddler groups?

172 replies

nomdeploom · 02/08/2011 14:59

I am a sahm to to two dc (a 2yo and a 5mo). The toddler group I go to is on 4 mornngs a week and without it I would go slightly mad. I have noticed a few comments on here by people saying that they hate them and never go and I just wondered why really.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 02/08/2011 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shineynewthings · 02/08/2011 19:29

Some of them are full of (it's often the middle classy) mums who refuse to tell little Arabella or Tom not to hit that little boy with the shovel. And refuse to even apologise themselves or get their child to say sorry if he/she does something nasty to another child.

TheSecondComing · 02/08/2011 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/08/2011 19:38

Agree with others, they are either full of cm's, ferel children or alpha mummies.

memphis83 · 02/08/2011 19:39

The one I go to is a Home Start one that follows on from a support group for PND sufferers, its nice for the kids, I hate it I sit on my own, I feel like im the only one watching my child, there are two ferrel children who's mother turns and buries her head in the biscuit box when they are naughty.
The only friend I met there went back to work, And the last time I went the organisers asked why I was always on my own, then preceeded to awkwardly introduce everyone again to me in the hope someone would talk. DS enjoys it so I keep going, I continue to hate it and if you miss a week they ring you up to question it. :(

MightyQuim · 02/08/2011 19:43

People tend to go from when their kids are very young to when they start preschool. IME the ones who have been going for ages all know each other and keep to themselves. By the time you have been going long enough to have friends there and feel comfortable it's time for the kids to go to school. For the most part the kids aren't even old enough to play with each other so you spend 2 hrs sat on the floor while your immobile baby lies on a mat next to you or your toddler walks around picking up/putting down building blocks.

SiamoFottuti · 02/08/2011 19:44

People put dogs in them too. You could have been one of them. Hmm

Sling meets made me a fair bit of cash as well as helping me find the right sling for my SN child.

Twats.

AlpinePony · 02/08/2011 19:47

Some people who go seem unhinged.

Mumcentreplus · 02/08/2011 19:49

Boring as fuck

minxofmancunia · 02/08/2011 19:50

I went to one a couple of times then realised they didn't serve wine so I never went back

TandB · 02/08/2011 19:52

Why are slingmeets taking such a bashing on MN at the moment?

I've been to a couple - I went along to get help with using a wrap properly and the people were nice so I went again.

If they don't interest you, don't go. No need to demand that everyone else treat them with the same disdain.

minxofmancunia · 02/08/2011 19:56

For me they epitomise everything I dreaded about being a parent, competitive boring women cackling together with a pack mentality.

i've said it before and I'll say it again, motherhood brings out the worst in some women...and then some.

And i find others peoples children intolerable apart from friends, esp in large groups. If i wanted to get out of the house i'd just go to the park for a walk round or meet up with a friend who was one before she was a mum...unless she'd gone weird and joined the dark side of course which a couple have.

MrsAmaretto · 02/08/2011 19:59

I really enjoy my toddlers group. Great bunch of mums & dads & grans, they've kept me sane through the tough times.

missorinoco · 02/08/2011 19:59

But if you don't go to toddler groups how do you stay sane with a toddler and a small baby?

I go to get out of the house and to kill a block of time whilst the DC are awake. So many hours between 6 am and 7 pm. I don't often get to chat to people, usually end up running after one of my children, but we get out of the house and I get a cup of tea and a biscuit, even if I do consume then doing craft/reading stories with my children. I need that change of scene.

LineRunner · 02/08/2011 20:03

Re: the sling thing.

I think someone made a joke, someone said Fuck Off, someone said Oooh, someone else said, Oh!, someone said Why?, someone said No!!

LaWeasel · 02/08/2011 20:11

I go through fazes of absolutely hating them and doing anything I can to avoid them.

But sometimes I quite like them. I much prefer them now DD is older and able to do more, there is less pressure to talk to the other parents for a long time, as you can just move around with your DC and talk to people if you want to, and avoid the people you find a bit... erm... trying.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/08/2011 20:12

god, I love toddler group. it's a safe space in which to ignore one or both dds, have a chat, and someone else makes me a cup of tea and some toast. it's the best brew of the week. yes, you might get the odd nutter occasionally, but you can say the same for the pub and no-one lets that put them off.

upahill · 02/08/2011 20:20

But if you don't go to toddler groups how do you stay sane with a toddler and a small baby?

I met my friends in the evening once DH was home, I went to the gym (see earlier posts) I put the kids in the car and had loads of great day trips out and then I went back to work.

Tanyaaah · 02/08/2011 20:23

If you don't go to toddler groups, how do you meet other people to not go to toddler groups with? And if you don't make small talk about babies with people at toddler groups, how do you get to know them better and find out if you have anything in common?

missorinoco · 02/08/2011 20:24

I need this creche. Can we get it reopened and probably relocated? I can barely keep the three safe in the park, let alone on a day out, hat off to you!

superjobee · 02/08/2011 20:24

i dont hate them i hate the mums! and those evil cousins ellie and luca little bully fuckiers always older than me, always think they are vetter than me, always clucking away like clucky old grannys bitching in the corner..

but, DD had a great time at them, we went to 2 a week the one with evil mums and one was specifically for mums under 25 and the kids went to creche whilst we nattered it was fantastic :) looking forward to going back to the godawful jungle once DS is born Grin so i can wind all the bitches up muhuhahaha

BulletWithAName · 02/08/2011 20:31

I used to go to a really good one and have made 3 good friends out of it, in an area where I knew nobody at all. I'm forever greatful to mine!

bringmesunshine2009 · 02/08/2011 21:24

Yes yes slingmeet not to be mocked equal opportunities etc, but come on, be objective, a club to talk about one product? Like 'kettlemeet' or 'cotmeet' a bit bizarre. Particularly since frequented by (further terminology here) 'babywearers' so a little piss taking is to be expected no?

Is difficult to have conversation about anything other than DCs at baby groups, they are the common denominator and right there! Mine is so naughty and tipped two buckets of water over himself, ate the sandpit and rollerpainted his face red. I was not quick off the mark. He would not sit for circle time if his life depended on it, but would happily potter in and out of the circle without getting into mischief for the duration.

I mean what do ppl use as interesting ice breakers that do not involve DCs?

Did you used to work have a job be employed as a work out the home mother? What did you do etc (problem: may have been unemployed and have depressed about it)

How many times do you and you husband/partner have sex? (might be single mum and not happy about it)

AIBU to want designer handbags and dress DCs in charity shop finds to fund it? (think you are pretentious not just clinging on to pre baby dreams)

Do you feel bored by motherhood? (unlikely to admit to stranger etcetc)

Tricky. Met a couple of lovely ladies at my post natal exercise group, closer to my age and great with the non baby chat.

Hmmmm

BertieBotts · 02/08/2011 21:32

But you can buy kettles and cots in shops, and it's not hard to work out how to use them, and it doesn't really matter if you get it wrong.

Slingmeets were set up originally because most decent slings are only available online, which means you can't see or touch them before you choose one, you have do do a bit of research to find out what's available, and once you have one, you have to tie it right or your child might fall out/be in a dangerous position (WRT breathing etc) - so they were set up just to be an open forum to compare, discuss, teach these things, and rather than just mums talking to their friends about it they set up groups so that anyone who wanted to know this stuff could come along without feeling they were intruding.

"Babywearers" was a US online term (Americans seem to love branding themselves for some reason) which has drifted because of the nature of the internet. I don't know anyone who uses it seriously, and most of my mum friends nearby use slings almost exclusively.

crazycatlady · 02/08/2011 21:33

Oh so it's like a tupperware party for slings then? Gawd...

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