AIBU to ask why you hate mum & toddler groups?

[nomdeploom]

I am a sahm to to two dc (a 2yo and a 5mo). The toddler group I go to is on 4 mornngs a week and without it I would go slightly mad. I have noticed a few comments on here by people saying that they hate them and never go and I just wondered why really.

one product? There are 50+ different types, and as many ways to tie a simple wrap as you could possibly imagine.
Slingmeet was the only group i went to (occasionally) that didn't bore me to tears, since we actually learned something and talked mainly about crafts, wine and college.

I wouldn't know what a tupperware party involved But I'd imagine knowing how to suspend your child in 278 ways is more useful than 500 sizes of plastic box and which ones are dishwasher safe.

I used to enjoy the ones I went to (mostly).

I am now starting to wondering whether I was a negligent mother with a feral toddler, or a smug competitive mother with a deeply average toddler

Is it hard to figure out how to use a sling then? I've only used a Kari-Me and a homemade ring sling, but neither was very tricky.

I do however agree that slings are far more useful than plastic boxes. But I still can't imagine turning up somewhere to talk about either!

Can you also buy slings at sling meets then? Because that probably would be useful. To go and try them out and then actually purchase one.

God don't they give you excrutiating backache? I remember the sheer discomfort of dd's sling (16 years ago, mind you, perhaps things have changed )

I can see the point of a sling meet actually, far better than just sitting around drinking coffee knowing that people are judging you based on your haircut/make of pram/shoes/weight.

I have been to many, some good some bad. I liked the ones where you lay your baby on a mat and someone else makes you a coffee - bliss! I went to a NCT heavy group and no one wanted to speak to anyone not in their NCT group except one person - we are still friends now but categorically because we are both slummy mummies!

Great post Tanyaaah.

I would have gone insane without toddler groups. I met a SAHD there who has become a great friend and I am godmother to his second DC.

I met other friends too and we gradually stopped going to toddler groups and went to each other's houses as the children got older.

These friendships all began with a bit of small talk (in this case, about the kids) and progressed from there...much like the beginning of most other friendships/relationships!

We're not allowed to sell at ours because we are using a room at the children's centre, but if you get chatting to people someone might have one their child is growing out of, or usually if you ask the organisers or other mums where they got theirs they can recommend an online retailer, or for example there's a local mum near here who makes them, so we usually recommend her and sometimes she comes along with a few slings to show. (Again she isn't allowed to sell on the premises though.) We've actually talked about possibly expanding into evening sling "parties" like those bodyshop or ann summers parties but we've decided to see how we go with the meets for a while before even thinking about any kind of business. Most slingmeets are literally just groups of mums running it.

I don't think they are massively hard to work out but a lot of people prefer to be shown something in person, or aren't very internet savvy and prefer to come to a group to see the different options, and I've learned some things too, like the way I was tightening a ring sling wasn't actually the best way and someone showed me a different way to do it which didn't bunch the fabric up so much. And I showed someone how to do a back carry with the ring sling which they'd never thought of doing.

Most slings you can buy in places like mothercare will give you backache because they aren't very well designed, the proper ones don't, but usually you can only get them online. Some shops are starting to sell decent ones now though, but it seems they're creeping in very slowly.

Bertie

When DD1 was born, to get me out of the house (if the weather was decent enough as for most of that winter, I was snowed in on the mountain) I went to BabyTalk, a group for new mothers to meet for an hour over a structured discussion topic ranging from typical parental concerns and baby growth milestones to programs for mom and baby... blahblahblah. I found most mothers there seemed to be devoid of any instinct with the sorts of conversations that we're going on. Anyhow, I befriended a couple of mums there and the last time I went, one invited me for a coffee playdate at her house and now, 2.5 years later, we still get together a few times a week, spend birthdays and holidays and baby showers together, as now we are all on our second children and we get together for a mums dinner once a month. Even the Dad's hang out together on their own now. Its great. We have 24 children now between the 9 of us! There's only 5 older kids that usually are with separated parents when we have big get togethers, but I think we will have to rent a hall in the future as the two year olds all get bigger.

We go to StrongStart and Toddler Social, playgroups hosted by the government and recreation centre and yes, the helicopter and couch parents are annoying, but, for me, its more of a place for DD to run around safely and play with her friends without messing up one of our houses.

Bertie I was at your tupperware comments. The thread moved along while I was typing.

I have been to several toddler groups over the years, some better than others. I suppose I am quite shy and it was certainly a case of gritting your teeth and getting through the first few weeks until you become more familiar but usually, because people keep having babies, another new person comes along who is also feeling a bit uncertain and you have somebody to talk to. I have ended up running two of the groups (different towns, we moved between children).

I won't deny there are the odd cliques going on but mostly it is made up of parents who are just as at sea as you are. You can ignore the cliques.

What I don't get are those who say all you do is talk about children? Is your conversation really that limited that is all you can talk about because that is what you are saying - that you can't talk about anything else either. It takes 2 to have a conversation. You would probably find, if you could talk about anything else that other people were more than happy to join in. I have had conversations about all sorts and I can't be that ususual.

Too many toddlers.
Contrasting and contradictory parenting styles thrown into stark relief.
It's quite hard to have a decent conversation with someone you don't know when you have a dozen small children round your ankles. Especially about anything non-child related.

"What are your thoughts on the ... JOHNNY NO HITTING...US debt situation?"
"Well...JANEY GIVE THAT BACK IT'S NOT YOURS...I'm concerned about the long term ramifications"

Although here in Sydney you can always fall back on the house-price conversation which is equally ubiquitous and boring as the sharing/potty training/sleeping conversation.

If you don't go to toddler groups, how do you meet other people to not go to toddler groups with? And if you don't make small talk about babies with people at toddler groups, how do you get to know them better and find out if you have anything in common?

Well I managed to get my lads to 15 and 11 without mum and toddler groups.
My friends, family and neighbours have had babies. Like I said before the toddler groups that I went to were taken over by childminders to meet up with their other child minder mates.

Funny I managed to keep a full set of friends that I had before having babies without the additional need to become friends with people thrown together in a church hall because they have a baby or toddler.

Having moved house to an area where I didn't know anyone (twice), I found them invaluable.

There are sometimes cliques, sometimes feral toddlers, but most of the time it's not too bad
I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, so it's taken a while to get to know people there.

I find having a group to go to is a reason to get out of the house, and a chance for my DDs to.get used to a social environment.

And I don't actually mind talking about children. It's as good an ice breaker as the weather, and you don't have to only talk about them!

I quite like my one.

We do talk about the kids a lot. But there you go.

Mostly we chat and the kids run feral, lovely, I like to chat.

Have found myself surrounded by expats again so the conversation is quite interesting, also lots of working parents so there is plenty other than kids to discuss.

I've only been to the baby group at my local children's centre which has been great. I live in a reasonably nice area where generally people are friendly and not competitive so it's been fun to go to. The other moms are quick to act if their child takes something from another child. Dd loves it too. The staff are very down to earth which also helps. I doubt I'd go back if I went to a group with snotty, smug, competitive parents.

ime,cliquey and full precious moments mamas. and felt like it full of the undead all starting sentences with i used to be.... like they had died. and then equally asking what did you used to do.... like i was dead too

and only so many ways you can sing wind da bobbin up before you want to hum some bad ass gangsta rap to feel adult again

but was useful to meet some working mums and hook up with them- elsewhere

and full of baby wearers, sling carriers and lentil munchers.too many mummy goddesses

so, i met folk i liked, and got them back to mine for tea,wine, and dvds. much more fun

There for the kids at the end of the day.

I help at a church run toddler group. With structured activity, snack time, and story and songs the time flies by. Our mums are queuing at the door and we have to turn people away. The right groups are out there.

bringmesunshine You've filled me with mirth at your suggestion of "kettlemeet" - imagine "washingmachinemeet" or "WhichBodenmeet" ? The possibilities are endless. You have of course articulated beautifully what I was trying to get across (I leave too many gaps) - it's just fucking ludicrous that anyone (particularly, a grown woman) actually needs to attend a function to compare and contrast a fucking sling. It makes me weep that there are women out there who cannot make a bloody decision without holding hands with a bunch of lentil-weaving hippies for support. Jesus wept.

WhichAnnabelKarmeldinnermeet? Who's in? Only for people who take their BLW seriously please. No imposters!

Upahill Funny I managed to keep a full set of friends that I had before having babies without the additional need to become friends with people thrown together in a church hall because they have a baby or toddler.

You sound very pleased with yourself.
I'm betting you've not moved around much- away from family etc,,
Funnily enough these church halls seem to be full of people who also are without the 'additional' need to become friends other people.
They are the local cliques.

Long time ago really but I went to a group for several years ,it was my lifesaver ,so much so that when I went back to work I deliberately made sure that I didn't work Wednesday because that was toddlers.

To be fair it was a village group and was absolutely as hatwoman described,no organiser ,everyone mucked and took a turn .Informal crafts organised on a rota basis ,someone had keys to open up and close but no committee as such.

It's 15 years ago now but some of those people are still friends ,we bump into eachother in school carparks now or whilst lurking behind the school waiting for our children to get GCSE results.

Probably most of the conversation was about children but sometimes it's usefulto bounce ideas off others even if it's just so someone could tell you not to worry" it's normal ",but then there was no Internet then so it performed that role I suppose.

The friends I made there are from a variety of backgrounds ICU nurse,teacher ,GP,accountant ,lawyer All going mad at home I was new to the area and was a SAHM for the first time and to be honest somewhat disorientated .My ds2 turned out to have SN and the group of friends we made there have turned out to be some of the most accepting of him,and that meant a great deal at the time,

joric I live 200 miles away from parents,
DH's parents are long dead and his sister lives in New Zealand!!

My friends live in a different town. So I have moved from my home town to a new town where I made friends and then moved to a different town where I now live. I've not made this up Ihave already stated these facts in differenrent conversations on MN.

I went with an open mind to mum and toddler groups, gave it a go over several weeks and hated every second there.
That doesn't make me pleased with myself just stating that there are more places of support than Mum and toddler places.

I had enough of my own baby whinging and crying - I don't need to listen to anyone else's let alone pay 50p and drink cheap coffee to do so.

i didn't mean it in a bad way just got three kids running around/half watching baby jake (its catching ) so was typing very quick and half looking at what i was writing, as you do.