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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate the phrase "yummy mummy"

142 replies

NewbeeMummy · 02/08/2011 10:24

and MILF for that matter...

one of the girls I work with is expecting soon and keeps going on about how she loves the idea of being a "yummy mummy".

I really cannot stand the phrase, and even worse when I'm refered to as a MILF, by my male colleagues, and expected to take it as a compliment.

Why do people think these terms are at all acceptable? or am I just being a miserable bitch?

OP posts:

MsAnnThroppy · 05/08/2011 17:58

Sigh.

It is the notion that you do your job better because you are slim/well dressed. Eg, you are a better teacher, lawyer.....analogy being the notion that you are a better mother because you are slim/well dressed. It is not about not being allowed to be attractive or liking yourself for being attractive. It is the notion that your attractiveness makes you a better person or better at your role, or worth knowing (more than the podgy, tired mum in the sweat pants, for example). You clearly don't live where I do if you've never come across this concept in terms of superiority (lucky you!)

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 18:08

Perhaps not missanne. I suppose I also take compliments in the spirit they were offered. If someone only every referred to me as a yummy mummy I would be peed off, in that I am more than a mummy. Every now and again though just elicits a thankyou! I suppose if I took it as a sign that I was superior then pure and simple, I'd be a bit of a twunt. But I've never interpreted that as such.

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 18:11

And who said that yummy meant slim and well dressed? I don't agree with that.

glitterkitten · 05/08/2011 18:12

A podgy tired mum in sweatpants with a nice smile and good heart is far more yummy than a designer clad skinny thing with a chip on their shoulder and an attitude!

catgirl1976 · 05/08/2011 18:14

That's as may be glitter, but that is not the correct context. Yummy mummy is a fairly specific social construct and a podgy, tired mum in sweatpants would not fall under the heading "Yummy mummy".

notlettingthefearshow · 05/08/2011 18:18

I HATE the expression. Hard to say why. Sounds sexist and patronising at once and suggests that looking sexy soon after giving birth should be top priority.

northernrock · 05/08/2011 18:29

Put it this way: Suppose a man had three kids and a job, and was well dressed. No-one in his life would refer to him as a "dishy daddy" . It would just be taken for granted that he successfully manages to maintain all areas of his life (including bathing) and just happens to have children.
Wouldn't it?
I am sorry, though, I just can't accept that anyone should wear sweatpants. Except at the gym.

blewit · 05/08/2011 18:34

I've seen kids sun shades on car windows with "I'm a yummy mummy" written on. It does put in my head - that person thinks she's gorgeous! Which is fine but does it really need advertising like that?

aquashiv · 05/08/2011 18:57

Loathe Yummy Mummy too. Remember my sister calling me that after given birth to twins with anohter toddler in tow and I felt and looked like absolute shit..it just feels like a patronising piss take.

janelikesjam · 05/08/2011 19:05

I think Yummy Mummy became a social phenomenon at at time when all those bankers and IT people and entrepreneurs making alot of money.

This meant their wives did not need to work if they did not want to.

And they still had loads of money to spend on Cath Kidsom and fancy prams and Pilates, etc etc. Also YummyMummies tended to be well-educated, materialistic and look after themselves.

This was a social change from Stay At Home Mums who tended to be viewed as tired, stressed and broke, and busy cleaning and slaving and (of course) loving their children.

Anyway thats my theory. I don't like the term that much, but I still see some wondering around and think that is probably what they are .

Perhaps the recession has reduced their numbers, I dunno.

Mrswhiskerson · 05/08/2011 20:22

I hate the phrase mostly because I read that stupid yummy mummy book by liz Fraser and her description of birth actually gave me fear of giving birth so bad I was almost phobic,

she wrote something along the lines of,
it feels like being disembowlled whilst having a red hot poker shoved up your bum but I'm sure you will be fine.
Dh spent many an hour trying to comfort me and telling me it wouldn't be that bad and all he got in return was , how the fuck would you know!! Your not about to be disembowelled.

Yummy mummy and milf to me seems really patronising and sexist to me. It did not really help me when I first had ds that I was now expected to look just as good or better than when I first became pregnant, although according to liz Fraser I should be making it a priority to run at five in the morning with lochia and leaky breasts it's no problem apparently .

superv1xen · 06/08/2011 10:08

oh god yes, that "yummy mummy" book is AWFUL, that woman is soooooo shallow, someone recommended it to me when i was newly pregnant with DC1 - in hindsight i suspect they maybe didn't like me much :o - it scared the hell out of me, i remember that description of birth too, and how she described baby coming out as something like pushing a beach ball through a buttonhole and how the buttonhole could never be the same again, urrgh, i ended up having a elcs due to fear of birth and i am SURE that book didn't help.

pissedrightoff · 06/08/2011 10:26

I met an old school friend aquaintance back in my home town whilst I was pushing newborn DS in the pram. She squealed ''Ahh so you're a yummy mummy now'' I licked my arm, shook my head and walked on.

PedigreeChump · 06/08/2011 11:54

I don't mind "yummy mummy" I thought it was just a way of paying someone a compliment, a way to say they looked nice/pretty. I didn't realise it had a specific social meaning.

MILF is utterly vile. I don't really like any term that reduces another person to "someone I'd like to fuck"

Mrswhiskerson · 06/08/2011 12:23

supervixen1 I don't know how that book got published to be honest, when my best friend fell pregnant I told her to avoid that book at all costs apart from the horrifying description of giving birth the basic gist of the book was your life is now over your bits will never be the same and unless you can afford to buy the whole harrods beauty counter after your five o clock run you will look like crap.
I would dearly like to take her book and slap her with it.

WiiUnfit · 06/08/2011 13:44

OP YANBU, it is an awful phrase!

An old aquaintance had her DD about 6m ago & now calls herself a 'yummy mummy', she is, in all honesty, not.

superv1xen · 06/08/2011 19:17

basic gist of the book was your life is now over - yes i agree with that and also i don't know how it got published either mrswhiskerson

horrible load of shite.

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