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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be wondering (a lot) what Robert Plant's first date with Liz Jones would be like?

166 replies

JosieRosie · 01/08/2011 20:43

There's another thread open right now speculating about Liz Jones' 'rock star boyfriend'. RP's name keeps on coming up and I find it partly horrifying and partly hilarious Wiser people than me seem to think it's definitely not him but it's still giving me food for thought....

Is she capable of talking about anything other than handbags and facelifts? How long before his lovely chilled-out demeanour cracks and he wants to put his head in the oven? Ooooh to be a fly on the wall.....

OP posts:

Animation · 03/08/2011 11:20

Cupcakes - I like the way you put it!

Definately trolling behaviour with a twist.

Poor old Jim.

redheadbedhead · 03/08/2011 11:25

maybe she's exhumed someone like Jim Morrison and voodooed him back to life?

PiousPrat · 03/08/2011 11:26

Maybe she didn't bother with the voodoo, it would lessen the chance of a bf answering back. She could continue her delusion that everything was perfect if it was all on her terms.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 11:28

Thanks, redhead. Tea all down MY blouse now.

redheadbedhead · 03/08/2011 11:33

heh heh

jeckadeck · 03/08/2011 11:37

I wouldn't put it past her either to be constructing an elaborate fantasy. Those of you saying this is mean, well... maybe a little bit. But the woman has made a career out of inviting people to comment on her neurosis, her lack of success with men, her total inability to manage her money and as someone else pointed out further up, is horrendously snobbish about and rude to people in the course of her day to day life. I also know people who have worked for/with her and they've said that she is a) even more bonkers in real life than she appears in the press and b) quite a nasty piece of work. I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep worrying about her.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 11:43

There will be a wedding soon. Yes, a wedding! In Taormina! She will wear nude Louboutins and a Wang dress. One of her horses will be best man. Her cats will be maids of honour. Jim Kerr will well-up as she approaches the alter. He will say in strained tones "Liz. Jones." Just like that night they first met in the country pub.

Anyone else want to add to this?

HedleyLamarr · 03/08/2011 11:45

I have now read a couple of pieces "written" by her, and like you Cupcakes I feel stabby.

catgirl1976 · 03/08/2011 11:46

The choir will be made up of Somalian children she PERSONALLY saved from the famine by her amazing expose style journalism. Her ex-h will turn up and hammer on the window like in Mrs Robinson but it will be too late. She will rescue a cat on the way out of church from a plebby family who were too poor and stupid to know how to look after it and had been trying to feed it pure salt and turkey dinosaurs. The minister will be female but Liz will berate her for not wearing make-up which actually nearly spoilt the whole wedding.

EightiesChick · 03/08/2011 11:52

I said something similar on the thread in sleb twaddle about this but Cupcakes has nailed it exactly here - she is deliberately making it sound a lot like JK but with a few red herrings to prevent it from being indisputable, so that she has a get-out. In the meantime, JK can't do a lot because she hasn't actually said it's him, so if he denies it, he looks like the weird one (well, maybe...) Poor bloke.

In the spirit of the thread, I think LJ and RP's first date would consist of her serving a green salad (no dressing) at her place, which RP wouldn't be able to actually eat because he would be flat out being sat on by all the animals. On getting up to leave his velvet trousers would be completely coated in cat fur. She would think it had been highly successful because 'the cats liked him'.

limitedperiodonly · 03/08/2011 11:52

There won't be children at the wedding because they're snotty.

Dwarfs maybe. In Prada.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 11:57

The thing is, if you type in "Liz Jones" into Google, one of the suggested searches is "Liz Jones Jim Kerr", which signals that it's a popular topic on the internetz. I think that this alone gives Jim enough ammuntion to issue a denial. Nothing psycho-y, just something mildly humourous/humble, like "Just to clarify, I'm not the lucky man involved in a dalliance with the lovely Liz Jones. My girlfriend would be wearing my balls for earrings, if that were true"

That type of thing.

catgirl1976 · 03/08/2011 12:02

This is from an article she wrote in 2008

"I don?t hate men, and I certainly wouldn?t be against Jim Kerr
sending me an e-mail, should he be between wives (I waited a very long time for him to divorce Chrissie Hynde, and then he promptly married Patsy Kensit!),"

I think cupcakes is right and she has gone completley bonkers and now has a fully fledged imaginary friend.

redheadbedhead · 03/08/2011 12:08

eeeeeeek she's frightening me now. Does anyone on MN know Jim Kerr? They should get him to issue a statement.

Mrswhiskerson · 03/08/2011 12:12

It is probably one of her cats , she dresses it up in leather outfits and shaves it's fur into a mullet, then talks to it and makes up what she wants to hear.

I find it hard to believe that after reading even one of her columns any prospective lover would not run for the hills
screaming all the way.

katkitya · 03/08/2011 12:32

Someone on here must know JK surely? We all know someone who know someone. It's too bizarre for words if she's making it up. It makes he look deranged

RumourOfAHurricane · 03/08/2011 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PinkSchmoo · 03/08/2011 12:37

Everytime I read anything written by that vile woman I hope MN will come up with a thread to allow me to spew forth my vitriol. God is she loathsome. I know I shouldn't read it but it brings forth a ghastly prurient side to me and I just can't bloody stop. I swear if I lived on the same land mass as her I would have actually physically harmed her over her Jo Yates article alone. If she is just spouting forth the me me me drivel on relatively innocuous topics it's not too bad but when she turns to serious topics it becomes deranged.

God I feel better after that. Sorry but it's been a bad day and I needed to vent at something.

Also, no somalis at the wedding at all in case they made her look fat.

catgirl1976 · 03/08/2011 12:40

I just read the Jo Yates article. I think I need a lie down to recover.

limitedperiodonly · 03/08/2011 12:43

Jim Kerr can't deny it. Any acknowledgment would just feed her dangerous delusions and make her feel they had a relationship.

He should begin a subtle campaign of alienation and hope she goes off him.

He could start by wearing a python-skin suit to open the first in a chain of vivisection labs.

katkitya · 03/08/2011 12:44

What did she say? I don't think I can face it. Why do they still employ her?

catgirl1976 · 03/08/2011 12:47

Basically just was reall ysnobbish about an area whislt pretending to write about the tragic murder of a young woman. Things that were worthy of journalistic comment included the chalk board in a pub saying "Lauren Perrier" not "Laurent" the fact that by buying an "upmarket pizza" Jo was striving for a life "out of the ordinary" (maybe like Liz's?) and then turning it into being about her when she didn't have enough change for the toll bridge and a button (a White Company button mind - just in case you might have thought her butto could have come from Pirmark) wouldnt work.

PinkSchmoo · 03/08/2011 13:06

Should have warned you not to read catgirl (not a stalker but think you are pregnant, not good for the blood pressure).

redheadbedhead · 03/08/2011 13:07

jesus that is a terrible article.

catgirl1976 · 03/08/2011 13:09

Thanks Pink :) The poor baby. He's now worried for Jim Kerr too - he has kicked a few times during this thread and I am pretty sure that's what he is trying to signal :)

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