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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think sometimes adults should have nicer food to children?

284 replies

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2011 11:40

Something on another thread made me think of this.

I was one of a very big family. My mum always cooked lovely home made meals.

Occasionally my dad (and sometimes my mum) would have different food to us. For example, they might have chops, when we'd have sausages. We loved sausages but we would have loved the chops, too. But when you have a very large family, how can you afford lamb chops for everyone? Half of my siblings were boys and ate a lot, too, so you'd be talking about three chops vs three sausages.

I never felt deprived because my dad had chops when I couldn't. It wouldn't have occurred to me. Similarly if he had Stilton and wouldn't let us taste it, I didn't feel deprived. Envious for quarter of an hour, maybe, but not deprived.

Now in my own family there are some things I like, eg fresh anchovies, which on the one hand I'm lucky my children won't eat anyway, but on the other I wouldn't want to pay for for all of us.

Obviously this is a financial issue. Given the money, my mum would have fed us all organic lamb chops morning, noon and night.

But if money is an issue, is it wrong (as many suggested on the bacon thread) that the children shouldn't eat what the parents eat? Shouldn't there be some privileges for being adult? (And of course I'm not suggesting children go hungry!)

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 01/08/2011 12:47

Other than if we have the odd bottle of wine in, theres nothing that we eat or drink that we dont allow DS to have. It would never occur to me not to let DS have any food in the house he likes as we all share. We do all have different tastes so often have different meals but its based on preference not the fact that adults are more important.

Frankly, letting children believe they are not good enough to have x, y or z can only lead to problems with their eating patterns when they are older.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 12:48

Cleverything, I agree totally. I don't do kids food. We have fishfingers in the freezer and on the odd occasion they're cooked, DH and my boys all have them. They don't get them whilst we eat steam dover sole or monkfish.

I buy food for the family, everything we buy is available to everybody.

So if my boys want olives and camembert, they can have them, and if DH wants to eat a petit filous fromage frais or something else marketed at kids, he does.

Obviously alcohol is out of bounds, but nothing else.

And yes, if we have an M&S meal (rare) we buy enough for all.

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 12:49

Cleverything well said.

CaptainNancy · 01/08/2011 12:50

I agree with procrastinatorgeneral (excellent name btw) - how can we expect children to not have food hang-ups or to develop their palate if we insist on serving them different food?

One of my children eats anything and everything, and has a pretty mature palate, the other one is very finicky, and won't try anything. He doesn't get different 'childrens' meals- he gets the same as everyone else and told to leave what he doesn't want. He has to learn that it's normal to eat a variety of foods, and not subsist on bananas and toast.

CaptainNancy · 01/08/2011 12:51

Great discussion imperialblether btw! Grin

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/08/2011 12:53

I was about to say the same. A really interesting discussion that isn't getting arsey! :o (even though you're wrong Wink)

Morloth · 01/08/2011 12:53

We sometimes have different food to the kids like extra chillis or booze added, but I would never give myself something of better quality then I would give the boys.

However, in the chops vs. sausages thing I probably would give them sausages because they like them more than chops whereas we are the opposite.

So as adults we have different tastes in many ways but if anything I would always give the boys the 'better' food if there was a call to be made financially.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 12:55

I think your use of the word entitled is really odd.

Like any expensive food, it should be limited (for parents too, unless you're mega-rich and can eat foie gras and truffles until you're blue in the face), but if cost is not a consideration, then I don't see why you think children shouldn't get the food, or indeed want the food.

If I refused my son food that he wanted for no good reason other than it's for adults (booze aside of course) he wouldn't understand at all and I don't blame him.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 12:57

It is indeed interesting; I posted on the other thread about parents going around the supermarket buying food for the kids (it was cheap quality) and then food for themselves.

I happened be behind these for two aisles so I heard the whole conversation and everything they picked up for the kids was of lesser quality!

zukiecat · 01/08/2011 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 13:00

Zukie WTF?

You had to work for an egg yet your brother was just given steak pie?

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 13:03

Zukie, thats shocking and very very sad Sad

bellavita · 01/08/2011 13:13

I guess we were lucky as a family growing up - we all ate the same. If it was an extra nice dinner we all had it and same if it was an ordinary dinner.

I would never ever feed DH and I something really nice and not give it to the DS's.

The DS's love a wide variety of food too.

naughtymummy · 01/08/2011 13:23

Great thread! When I was growing up , we all got the same and some treats were definately for the children. I am :o at the number of posters not sharing their haagan daz ! We have 1 tub a week that gets equally divided by 4 after sunday dinner. The children are learning that it is a treat, expensive and special. I believe that is a good thing, similarly in season british strawberries or a nice box of chocolates are shared out equally. Ocasionally I will forgo my share to give ds and dh another scoop each (more to do with calories than anything else tbh), sometimes the dcs will "give" their share to me if its something I really love. We have only got 2 dcs I am sure it would be different if we had 9!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 01/08/2011 13:23

we are lucky in that the dc have fairly adult tastes
some nights we all have fish fingers, oven chips and peas; some nights we all have steak or salmon, but we all get the same.

apart from the value midget gems , which I hide in the boiler cupboard and share with no-one. but that's about dental health, not cost.

notmydog · 01/08/2011 13:26

Mmm if I have Swiss chololate in the house, I would share it with DH but not with my 6 year old DD. I'd rather give her a piece of Kit Kat which she would enjoy just as much.

Ormirian · 01/08/2011 13:27

Oh my lord! The 'martyrdom' thing Hmm

It's not martyrdom to want to have a certain amount of equality within the family. And food should be a shared pleasure.

Meglet · 01/08/2011 13:29

Having thought about this more I will say that the dc's have never had any of my Green & Blacks, but they don't have any chocolate (unless it's at parties). Can you imagine what would happen if they got the taste for G&B Butterscotch, I'd be bankrupt within a month.

I hardly eat meat (ex-veggie) but I buy organic meat for the dc's every so often, if it's not organic I don't buy it.

Ormirian · 01/08/2011 13:30

My DD loves olives too. It tooks years of determined tasting on her part whenever we went out for an Italian meal to get to like them but she got there! Does she eat all the olives in the fridge? No. She has learned that they are a bit of a treat and she can't scoff them all done. Same as we do.

mummytime · 01/08/2011 13:30

Actually where my DH works the boss does have an inferior office to the junior. He has a desk in the main open plan office, one has her own office, because she needs a secure, lockable, private space.
On the whole I eat the same as the kids, occasionally we have an M and S meal for 2, occasionally we go out to eat. They usually get food they prefer on those occasions.
When I grew up, if there wasn't enough money, I got the better food and my Mum went without, that is what parents did. But I hated chops, much preferred sausages!
I was shocked when I went to a friends house and her Mum had "personal" biscuits, which she didn't even offer to me, a guest. It was so different to how it was in our house. However at Christmas I do remember my Grandma having her own marzipan sweets, but then sweets as a present were your own, although you were expected to offer one to other people.

Maryz · 01/08/2011 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumblingRagDoll · 01/08/2011 13:33

I have always thought this terrible.

naughtymummy · 01/08/2011 13:34

Oth ds loves chops, dd adores seafood, I have served both of these not cheap foods to visiting children who leave it on their plates, so I do serve fishfingers to visitors if I think the good stuff won't be appreciated.Blush

zukiecat · 01/08/2011 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 13:36

I don't anybody who says their kids get what they get are martyrs.

FFS, why do people have to insult.

I just don't consider any food, too special for my children.

If it's in the house and not earmarked for something particular (like olives for an anti pasto plate) they can have some.

That is not martyrdom IMO that is being a normal parent.

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