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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sometimes adults should have nicer food to children?

284 replies

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2011 11:40

Something on another thread made me think of this.

I was one of a very big family. My mum always cooked lovely home made meals.

Occasionally my dad (and sometimes my mum) would have different food to us. For example, they might have chops, when we'd have sausages. We loved sausages but we would have loved the chops, too. But when you have a very large family, how can you afford lamb chops for everyone? Half of my siblings were boys and ate a lot, too, so you'd be talking about three chops vs three sausages.

I never felt deprived because my dad had chops when I couldn't. It wouldn't have occurred to me. Similarly if he had Stilton and wouldn't let us taste it, I didn't feel deprived. Envious for quarter of an hour, maybe, but not deprived.

Now in my own family there are some things I like, eg fresh anchovies, which on the one hand I'm lucky my children won't eat anyway, but on the other I wouldn't want to pay for for all of us.

Obviously this is a financial issue. Given the money, my mum would have fed us all organic lamb chops morning, noon and night.

But if money is an issue, is it wrong (as many suggested on the bacon thread) that the children shouldn't eat what the parents eat? Shouldn't there be some privileges for being adult? (And of course I'm not suggesting children go hungry!)

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 13:37

don't think anybody

Morloth · 01/08/2011 13:37

It isn't martyrdom to think of your children as equals.

No-one in our family is more important than another.

We may have different tastes and needs (and one of the kid's needs is direction) but we are all of equal value and worth.

The scenario you describe in your OP wouldn't happen here.

chicletteeth · 01/08/2011 13:38

Meglet you wouldn't if you told them it was a special treat that they only get once in a while.

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 13:50

I dont think the poster who mentioned martyrdom meant this, eating the same food is not martyrdom fgs. But eating plain bread while feeding your dcs organic bluberries is imo.

zukie no wonder you feel hurt, that sounds really terrible.

Callisto · 01/08/2011 13:53

How utterly bizarre. It is like saying the children are second class members of the family.

In my family and DH's family children are served first and served exactly the same food as the adults. I can't imagine buying a really nice piece of cheese or lovely pudding and hiding it from my daughter because she is only 6. I just find the whole idea beyond strange.

As for strong tastes it is what you are brought up eating. I dare say Indian/Thai/Mexican etc children are not given tasteless shite - they eat the same as adults, which is generally highly spiced food. The only concession DH and I make to DD (6yo) is not to give her food that is too hot (eg hot chilli or curry). Otherwise she eats what we eat.

startail · 01/08/2011 13:57

In our house it's me and DD1 who get expensive chops and fish. This is simply because DH and DD2 don't like them.
They'll eat steak thoughGrin

venusandmars · 01/08/2011 13:59

Well I've done most of these (clearly inconsistent parenting). In general my dcs ate / tried something of whatever we were having, even if it was an expensive / luxury item. But catering for visitng familes was more varied. My dc would eat the strong flavours, but often visiting dc wouldn't so I'd have adult food (with strong tastes) and children food (which was simpler / plainer) - but wouldn't stop anyone having a taste of the adult stuff if they wanted it.

However (and some people may flame me for this), twice this year I have been at big parties where everyone was asked to bring food. I was specifically asked to bring a particular dessert which is rich, chocolately, expensive and delicious. In the spirit of 'the children go first', all the children were first to eat at the buffet (both for main course, and for dessert). So instead of a nice plate of hams etc, I ended up with some cheap sausage rolls and potato salad, and when the desserts were served, the children present helped themselves to every single thing that had chocolate, and left the less-exciting looking sponge cake. It ws even more annoying that some of the richer desserts were left on the children's plates, and even I wouldn't hoover up the leftovers on other people's plates.

I appreciate that at big parties there are many factors - people who bring cheap sausage rolls, no parental supervision of who is eating what / how much, but I was really pissed off. I don't think that children should have worse food than adults, but respect works all ways.

Morloth · 01/08/2011 14:00

You shouldn't feed nappy wearing children too many blueberries organic or otherwise.

It makes their poo smell like blueberry pie and that just isn't right.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/08/2011 14:03

That's down to adult supervision and disorganisation tbh. Not sure I would have been bothered enough to be pissed off. Is it such a big deal that some children got nice food?

exoticfruits · 01/08/2011 14:03

Unfortunately my DCs have always loved smoked salmon, prawns, steak etc from a very early age! So -no I wouldn't.

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 14:04

Grin Morloth

Chandon · 01/08/2011 14:07

Funny.

My parents were the opposite. The best would be for the kids.

My mum would forever try to give us fresh orange juice and fillet steak Shock, peaches when she herself would eat a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. They were (state school) teachers, so not rich, but also neither poor.

As a result my brothers and I have grown to be the tallest people in the world ever. Grin . Only with hindsight do we feel a bit embarrassed about this, and we always try and spoil our parents now with nice food.

And with my own kids, if we have garlic prawns, mussels, nice olives or steak, so do they. I keep the nicest fruit for them....I guess we all turn into our mums somehow.

i think chicken dippers etc. are fine for kids, but only if they don't like the adult food on offer if it's very "adulty" ie broccoli-Stilton soup, or something spicy.

naughtymummy · 01/08/2011 14:07

I can see how that would be infuriating V and M. I have been around some adults who behave in a similar way, I think it is just basic good manners.

megapixels · 01/08/2011 14:08

I've only read the first page, but I find it odd that parents would be happy to have nicer food while the children have to make do with what is affordable! For me personally, if you can't afford something for the whole family, you can't afford it period. At this stage while our children are minors, everything that is ours is equally theirs too, so I wouldn't feel comfortable about doing what is suggested in the OP. Can't get my head round it at all.

venusandmars · 01/08/2011 14:09

GML yes, you're right is was about supervision and disorganisation. But what I found interesting was that prior to these events I would have said that it didn't matter, but in reality I DID feel pissed off. Not because any children didn't deserve to have nice food, but because I didn't get nice food.

Insomnia11 · 01/08/2011 14:11

I make no difference on quality but while my kids do like a pretty wide variety of foods there are some foods they don't eat, like, off the top of my head: asparagus, olives, anything very spicey.

Usually they have what we've had for tea at the childminders the next day, but sometimes what we've had is not easily reheatable or is something they don't like, so I get them the odd ready meal in for those occasions. Obviously I do plan meals so that we can eat the same things largely, but sometimes I just want something a bit different that they may not like. The time to try them on those dishes is the times we are all eating together not when they are eating at the childminders.

HeatherSmall · 01/08/2011 14:11

I caught mine feeding fillet steak to the cat. That was the day I decided smaller portions or different meals were required I cannot stand the waste with food costing what it does right now. The baby is having Dover sole tonight though which I can't stand.

DamselInDisarray · 01/08/2011 14:15

I bet the buggers that brought the cheap, crappy food filled their plates with the good stuff too and left their dire offerings. You should be annoyed at the cheapskates who brought unappetising food.

I wouldn't run a 'kids first' buffet policy either. That's madness. The point of buffets is that everyone can help themselves as and when. Also, I prefer to supervise my children in these situations as they (well mostly DS2) would choose only crisps, cake and chocolate.

zukiecat · 01/08/2011 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chummybud1 · 01/08/2011 14:18

I am shocked as I often have different food to my children, not better but different. We have a cooked meal 6 days a week, we all sit down at table and eat together, however on a Sunday my dp and I eat separately, kids sit down to a meal then when they are asleep we have ours. We don't have sitter so it's our time. This is often not always better than what kids have had during day. Surely as adults we deserve a treat, kids have treats. Come on it's not neglect they eat fruit, veg, meat and have a balanced diet.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/08/2011 14:22

Why is it better? I understand you wanting time to yourselves etc and different food is one thing but why better?

MumblingRagDoll · 01/08/2011 14:22

I dont think it's about treats Chummybud but about nutrition.

If chldren are getting far more processed meat then that's terrible. They need whole foods....meat should be fresh and nt processed.

To give the kids sausages or whatever whilst adults have fresh meat....I think it's awful.

LaWeasel · 01/08/2011 14:24

We all eat the same... but, DH and I are on weight gain diets and DD is not, so although at meals she just has smaller portions, we also have dessert/an extra sandwich or something after she's gone to bed! It is all delicious stuff that she would love, so I am guilty in that regard...

She gets leftover with her lunch if there are any.

I don't know if I'd still feel okay about it if she was old enough to know what we were doing... Hmm

It's an interesting question!

At a meal she would definately be most agrieved if we had different things on our plates, even if we substituted something she doesn't like for something she does.

nicciaa · 01/08/2011 14:25

I haven't read all the posts, but this is how things work in our house.

We buy foods that we like, I don't see the point in buying food that no one likes, cause it ends up getting thrown out and it costs more in the end, cause a 2nd meal would need to be cooked. And if my DD would eat a sirloin steak, I'd buy her one, and I'd have a beef burger (not that she will, she won't eat red meat lol) Wethers its luxury/better food than, if its gonna be eaten by anyone in the house , then so be it. What am trying to say, we don't buy specific 'luxury' foods just for the adults, we buy what we like and if anyone wants it, they have it. (think I explained that right, kinda confused myself lol)

DamselInDisarray · 01/08/2011 14:30

Why would a second meal need to be cooked? Confused

if the kids decide they don't like what's for dinner, I don't cook them another meal; I tell them to stop being fussy. I'm not running a restaurant here!

It would be different if I were cooking an early meal for the kids and then eating later with DH as that's two lots of cooking anyway. I can't be bothered with that sort of nonsense though. I'd rather spend my evenings with DH not cooking.