AIBU to think sometimes adults should have nicer food to children?

[ImperialBlether]

Something on another thread made me think of this.

I was one of a very big family. My mum always cooked lovely home made meals.

Occasionally my dad (and sometimes my mum) would have different food to us. For example, they might have chops, when we'd have sausages. We loved sausages but we would have loved the chops, too. But when you have a very large family, how can you afford lamb chops for everyone? Half of my siblings were boys and ate a lot, too, so you'd be talking about three chops vs three sausages.

I never felt deprived because my dad had chops when I couldn't. It wouldn't have occurred to me. Similarly if he had Stilton and wouldn't let us taste it, I didn't feel deprived. Envious for quarter of an hour, maybe, but not deprived.

Now in my own family there are some things I like, eg fresh anchovies, which on the one hand I'm lucky my children won't eat anyway, but on the other I wouldn't want to pay for for all of us.

Obviously this is a financial issue. Given the money, my mum would have fed us all organic lamb chops morning, noon and night.

But if money is an issue, is it wrong (as many suggested on the bacon thread) that the children shouldn't eat what the parents eat? Shouldn't there be some privileges for being adult? (And of course I'm not suggesting children go hungry!)

Oh dear, just remembered I have still got last Friday's M&S '2 dine in for £10' deal in the fridge (DH and I been throwing up all weekend so not eaten it yet) - will have to retain a garlic mushroom and corner of haddock gratin for DD!

My mum used to have little cans of stout and salt and vinegar flavour Square crisps that I wasn't allowed to touch - I can concede that this sort of 'adults only' treat stuff doesn't offend my 'kids come first' sensibilities!

Well as I was brought up in the aftermath of rationing and mum and dad didn't have a huge amt of spare cash, I think Haagen Das was a fairly unlikely thing for them to have! Assuming that they even had a freezer - which they didn't for years. But no, there were no treats for the adults that DB and I went without.

I honestly think that my attitude came from that - being brought up by parents who had been thriough the war when all processed or special food was a bit of a luxury. You feed your entire family to the best of your abilities.

I'm asking whether children should feel entitled to the same food as the adults, regardless of cost. (Sometimes, not all the time

Thats more specific & I get you now - in answer to that question - NO - definitely not, I think its important they understand how lucky they are if they do have choice of good foods, especially luxury foods - not deny them of course, but equally important they do not feel its there right, I would worry that, that grooming that same sense of entitlement would have them growing up with a warped view of how life is out there.

A good example with us would be Olives - DD LOVES them, we bought good ones as treats but she would happily eat the lot in one go - when she was younger we took to buying the Chilli ones, in the hope that she wouldn't want them & WE might actually get a look in - didn't work, she liked them even more

Roll forward a few years - she still loves olives & would happily eat a tub full instead of sweets, but we've made sure she understands that some things are luxuries that you just can't live on, but are nice as treats if & when you can afford them - at 8, she gets that without us denying her - just educating her :)

Obviously it is different if your children don't like it.

I have never cooked "kids food" one because cooking twice is an effort and two because it is important for kids to acquire a taste for different foods.

There is nothing wrong with having your own treats but to routinely cook a different meal to your DC's because you can't afford them to eat as well as you is pretty mean.

I like that children think themselves equal to me. I have good manners and am considerate of others - children who are the same are welcome to think fo themselves as equal to me. You get a better conversation with them that way. I don't want any child to think of themselves as my inferior.

OrmIrion - I agree - in the post war generation, there was a far more appreciation of the value of food, and nothing got wasted. My grandmother went without to feed her children.

My mother never went without herself but nothing was wasted when I was small because food was more expensive in proportion to your salary.

Now, we waste a third of all food! and now with the food prices increasing again, we are suddenly realising the value of food ( and budgeting).

Yes, it's the respect for the parent that I was talking about. I don't like children thinking they're on the same level as the parents. There has to be a difference. In work they are going to get a hell of a shock (and many do, when they try to tell their supervisor how to do their job) if they're not taught about a hierarchy in their family.

And Haagan Daz is horrible compared to B&J's chocolate brownie ice cream!

My parents did this up to a point. On Saturday mornings my dad would get the newspapers and go to the baker's. They would have a cream bun and we would get doughnuts.

This is a long running debate I have with my brother which started on holiday. I was buying the children ice creams. His children chose a twister or something and DD wanted a Magnum (put the size aside for a moment)

He was scandalised because I bought her a Magnum. In his view they were grown up ice creams. In my view, if she likes it and appreciates it then she can have it. My only concern is whether something is too big for her, in which case she'll share it with someone else, which she happily did.

Same with biscuits. His children get malted milks or the like regardless of what else is in the house. If we have choc digestives in the house, dd can have one. She'll only get one whereas she might have got two of the lesser biscuit but I see no need to stop her having them.

Keeping the good stuff for the adults reminds me of my grandmother eating whatever was left of the dinner standing up in the kitchen while the men sat down at the table to their meat and two veg. It's outdated and unfair. And I also believe it's the reason why my brother's children turn their nose up at most things while dd happily eats anything. We've never differentiated between child and adult food. If we're having it, she has it.

When I was growing up we were all "equals" as we are in this family now, I guess.

My dad would sometimes have more food. He wouldn't let us waste good steak, for instance (I remember him taking a couple of cubes of my steak off my plate and scoffing them when I was taking too long, he anticipated that I wasn't going to finish it all, etc). But we all ate the same thing. They wouldn't shave fresh parmesan on their spaghetti but make us get the pre-grated one that stinks of sick or anything like that!

In our house, its the same, I wouldn't scoff a Magnum but make them have a Co-op choc ice. Sometimes I won't serve them something if I think it will get scraped in the bin - a tuna steak for example, didn't go down well last time I made it for them so I'll leave it a while before trying it out on my 4 year old again - so as not to burn money but its not an equality issue as such.

Nor would I give them fresh tuna steak and myself a tin but then again we don't have any money worries either. I'm not sure how I'd play it if we did - I'd probably limit everybody's treats a bit.

I do agree adults should have the odd treat the DCs don't get, but I wouldn't apply that to family meals. More to maybe a special meal out or something a bit "naughty" after they have gone to bed. Family meals though I would keep the same for all even if it meant a less pricey meal for everyone

Imperial we agree on everything else but we are not going to agree on the HD v. B&Js debate!

It's nothing to do with respect fgs! How nonsensical. Children are not lesser beings, they're not less important than adults. Respect comes from how you live your life, not keeping back the posh chocolates!

But I will drink wine in front of them and not let them have any, for obvious reasons, so we don't have a total equality policy either! And I don't scoff their Percy Pigs very often either.

we all ate the same

It's not about being inferior, though, is it?

If you are at school, you expect the head teacher to have a better office to the deputy head, don't you? Nobody would dream of expecting their manager at work to have a worse office to their juniors.

Obviously I'm talking about a situation where respect exists between parents and children. We weren't frightened of our parents, but we did respect them and wouldn't have answered them back. None of us, even now, would swear in their presence. It doesn't make a relationship worse for that, does it?

But children are not mini adults. They are children who should have respect for their elders. It isnt a case of being "inferior", it is simply a case of they are the child, you are the adult.

I dont believe in giving children too many choices or asking them what they want for dinner. They get what they are given, and they eat it.

Argggh! The H word! I hate that word used in conjunction with a family! Yes, there are parents and children - the parents get to make the decisions and decide what happens. But that doesn't mean the kids are lower in the pecking order. Parents should be making the decisions for the benefit of all - most of all for the benefit of the children IMO.

Tbh I really don't get why people insist on eating meat every day.

err, because we enjoy it?

My DC know that there are things which are just for grown ups (alcohol mainly!) and they accept this. They have sweets/cake which DH and I don't have, and sometimes we have treats which aren't for the DCs. We all respect each other. They know we are all equally important but Mummy is the boss.

Frankly I think sometimes expensive food is wasted on children.

Agree with not giving DCs a choice of meals too. (Although wouldn't force feed them something they genuinely did not like). But it would be 1 meal for the whole family. I couldn't be bothered cooking 3 meals and as my mum used to say "this isn't a restaurant".

Exactly, Pelagia.

I suppose if you have some chocolate, for instance, and some of it is Dairy Milk bog standard purple wrapper and some of it is Green & Blacks super dark 70 percent plus type jobby and you know they would prefer the purple (or at least not give a toss about the difference) and its cheaper, you could buy "children's chocolate" etc but that's not really about inferiority, just preference (if that is the case) - just an example, the Green and Blacks or dark stuff tends to be for a more sophisitcated palate though I am aware of plenty of children who do prefer it but if you found yours didn't, for example, I don't see anything wrong with that...

you see I don't think that feeding my children the same foods as me gives them a sense of entitlement or turns them into nasty little oiks

I feed them the same food as I eat IF we are all eating together

I tell them off if they are cheeky

They know that some foods are staples and some are treats

We have a weekly food budget so it isn't no expense spared, I just don't think it's a good idea for adults and children to eat different food if they are all sitting at the table at the same time. Perhaps it's just because I can think of things I'd rather be doing than cooking two different meals at the same time

tatty you have reminded me that I am actually a total hypocrite - I pinch the kids percy pigs and eat them after they have gone to bed