AIBU to think sometimes adults should have nicer food to children?

[ImperialBlether]

Something on another thread made me think of this.

I was one of a very big family. My mum always cooked lovely home made meals.

Occasionally my dad (and sometimes my mum) would have different food to us. For example, they might have chops, when we'd have sausages. We loved sausages but we would have loved the chops, too. But when you have a very large family, how can you afford lamb chops for everyone? Half of my siblings were boys and ate a lot, too, so you'd be talking about three chops vs three sausages.

I never felt deprived because my dad had chops when I couldn't. It wouldn't have occurred to me. Similarly if he had Stilton and wouldn't let us taste it, I didn't feel deprived. Envious for quarter of an hour, maybe, but not deprived.

Now in my own family there are some things I like, eg fresh anchovies, which on the one hand I'm lucky my children won't eat anyway, but on the other I wouldn't want to pay for for all of us.

Obviously this is a financial issue. Given the money, my mum would have fed us all organic lamb chops morning, noon and night.

But if money is an issue, is it wrong (as many suggested on the bacon thread) that the children shouldn't eat what the parents eat? Shouldn't there be some privileges for being adult? (And of course I'm not suggesting children go hungry!)

I think YANBU.

As another poster said, Haagen Daz for you and own-brand ice cream for the kids is a perfect example.

Chocolate truffles bought for me as a pressie would NOT be shared with dc.

Luxury foods (smoked salmon, smelly cheeses, steak) DC wouldn't really like anyway wouldn't really be shared but I'd always give them a taste and like to see DC trying things that I didn't taste until I was in my 20s.

Pelagia - exactly - I was at a BBQ last night when the children were given ice cream and the adults had alcoholic tiramisu- yummy.

I don't agree with it for meals, although we don't have 9 children so can't see the cost issue ever really arising. Sometimes DH has steak (I am vegi) and the children have sausages - if either of them showed an interest he would happily give them half, if they were eating it.
However if we'd been given a posh box of chocolates, I#'d maybe let DS/DD have one, but if I thought they wouldn't particularly like them any more than chocolate buttons, I might get out the buttons for them!

YABU - A parent should put the child before themselves, that is how the human race (or any species) survives

Even if my DC did like posh chocolates I wouldn't share them. I wouldn't share them with DH either. I don't get many treats...

I don't think I'm mean. They frequently have tasty and varied treats.

I think that it depends, certainly in the past when man was breadwinner and doing hard physical labour my grandfather worked from 7am -5pm in steel works it was really hard they were poor and yes he did get feed first and more, it was probably my grandmother that had less but then there was no state benefits so if my grandfather could not work hard and fast enough he would be sacked and everyone would be worse off, so in that case it was definitely justified

there are certain things kids not allowed the obvious like wine and coffee but also the expensive dark chocolate that i eat 2 squares at a time is no go she has white milky buttons she likes them more they cost less so its fine

She gets plenty of treats so if I and Dh have special meal with smoked salmon steak etc that's fine she is not being feed bread and water

Op is not asking if we would eat rather than kids if on breadline or starving but can we have more expensive treat food when they don't, well i think we can because most kids do not appreciate the good food like asparagus oysters etc, so why buy them for them to go yuk!!

also while i am happy to eat veggie a couple of times a week my DH is not he wants meat otherwise he is not really demanding we can afford it so why should he not have meat, also he does work manually and needs more calories than either I or DD and extra potatoes does not really do it

I think children need to learn they can not just have everything i have but on the other hand i would not go out and buy icecreams and not buy her one but she might get different type, fair is not the same as exactly equal.

it is strange that no-one expects a child to eat adult portion of veg, pasta chicken etc but suddenly there is a sense of wrong if child gets a 1/4 slice of cake or less ice-cream if you have 2 fingers of kit-kat a pre-school portion is half of one finger and a 5-10 year old 1 finger when I do baking i deliberately cut flapjacks etc into child pieces and adult pieces so everyone gets 1 piece there are just not the same size

But imperial, you have said twice on here that your dad would have something different from you and sometimes your mum would too (implying that there were enough occasions where she didn't have what he was having for you to distinguish this). This tells me that your dad was Most Important and that his meals were more Important than your mum's. Otherwise, he would never have been tucking into chops while she ate cheap sausages with you and your siblings.

I honestly don't understand why you'd have a hierarchy when serving family meals. Obviously, there will be differences in portion size (adult men requiring more than toddlers, etc) but why would you differentiate in food quality according to 'status' within the family? And, yes, serve up 'acquired tastes' right from the start so as to hasten the acquisition. Why is it a problem to serve up decent food for everyone?

If we all ate at the same time, they would have the same/similar food. That's not what I am saying. Think this debate is trying to cover loads of issues which iswhy there are some crossed wires flying around.

Preference is a different thing. If a child doesn't like stilton then there is no reason why the adults shouldn't have it. But if I had a lump of stilton (highly unlikely, I would never give it houseroom!) and dd wanted some, I would let her have it. Wouldn't occur to me not to.

No one is saying each person isn't entitled to their treats. If I had a box of chocs I may tell DD she can't have one because she had a biscuit earlier but I wouldn't ever say she couldn't have one because they're grown up chocolates. The obvious exception is alcohol because that's not just about taste although we rarely have it in the house.

I saw one post on here once which summed it up for me. It was a thread about wedding cake and the growing trend for cakes made of cheese. Someone remarked that this would be their ideal if they were getting married. Cheese for the adults and "we'd get in some crappy cake for the kids". That made me furious, and the same people will be moaning that their children only eat nuggets and chips.

To go with the example given, most own brand ice cream is shit. There is no way DD would be given that. I'd rather she had a smaller amount of better ice cream than frozen lard.

i would rather go with out and give my children better food.

now there are times where we put the kids to bed and have a chinese or indian takeaway and for tea they wil have something else.

most people prefer to feed their kids first and give them the best quality they can

No-one appreciates my Haagen-Das like me, which is why I hide it at the back of the freezer. I don't deprive the children of it, I eat it at times they are not around, though if they catch me, I alway share!

Serving chops to adults and sausages to children, no, I would divide up the chps/sausages, put them in the middle and let everyone help themselves.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we have a country full of people with fucked up attitudes to food.

Food is not a sodding weapon. It's fuel. Everyone needs it, and nobody is more 'worthy' of it. What is it with us in this country?

some lovely examples of competitive martyrdom here. "I'd eat gravel so my children could have foie gras, its what decent parents do!"

I'm laughing at the hidden hagendaz etc - around here both DD & I will eat the good stuff when it comes to chocolate, icecream etc, because we are both quite happy with a small amount of the nicer stuff - DH on the other hand wants a bucket full & will happily eat the cheap stuff - & he doesn't know the difference so we hide the good stuff from DAD

Yes it's wrong.

You dont' necessarily have to give them a large portion but a little token taste should be the minimum.

My mum used to make steak and chips when we were kids. We each got a few cut up pieces of steak, not equivalent to very much really, but she didn't fob us off with cheap sausages instead.

Not sure it's competitive martyrdom, just pointing out that children are equally as important. I might give my children something different (fish fingers rather than fish) if that's what they'd prefer but I wouldn't compromise on quality for them and it wouldn't be a choice based on cost.
But then maybe that would be different if I had 9!

I don't want anyone thinking that this went on all the time. It might happen once a week.

Did you ever get lamb chops?

It doesn't have to be steak or value fish fingers. I agree with the poster who said that children should try variety of foods ('kids food' is my pet hate sorry) but you can achieve that with meat/fish on offers, pulses, spices and herbs. So all the family eats the same food.

However, special treats for the parents are not cruel to the dcs imo. Especially if you dont go much out. Maybe a special meal for 2 and a bottle of wine is something to look forward to. Where do you stop? Should you go out in flop flops because you want dcs to have the best shoes? Never meet a friend for coffee because you want to sent your dcs to private school? Everything in balance.

think i must have very unusual DS (2yo) he loves salmon but only the one with garlic and herb butter from the fish counter turns his nose up at freezer salmon fillets or cold smoked salmon he costs me a fortune, he also loves spicy foods morrocan or chinese specifically. on the other hand he won't touch potatoes of any variety

he used to eat chicken nuggets, fish fingers etc but it has taken a while to get him away from this, but i find that since his diet has been more like mine and DH my shopping bills have actually dropped.

if we are having lamb or steaks etc i still only buy 1 portion each for me and DH but try to get a slightly bigger cut and we each give DS a little from each of our portions, but i understand this wouldn't work with an older child or multiple children.

i would always serve one meal though for everyone so either we all eat premium or we all eat cheap, although TBH time & energy play more of a part in my menu choice than money.

Appreciation is allowed :o I don't let DH have DD's magic stars because she loves them and he'd shovel them in and they wouldn't touch the sides! But that's back to preference and not "you're not worthy of it".

I'm not sure

I sometimes have nice ice cream that is not shared with dd.

But also remember thinking it was wrong when watching someone buy asda smart price frozen pizza 'that'll do for the kids' whilst the two ladies then picked nicer pizzas for the adults.