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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being given a 2-hr time slot by friend

145 replies

slugger · 01/08/2011 09:39

Maybe I'm being a bit over-sensitive about this one. Made an arrangement 2 weeks ago with a friend to meet up today with our children and go to a playground we'd both have to drive to. We didn't set a time but I assumed we'd go in the morning, and perhaps have lunch together.

Friend texted me yesterday to say she has to be somewhere for lunch so could only meet btw 9:30-11:30am. I felt a bit miffed - there was no flexibility to arrange a time that suited us both, she was dictating the time and if I couldn't make it for 9:30am (I couldn't) then we couldn't meet (so we're not). I felt it was a little dismissive to give your friend a 2hr slot, as if not worthy of more time. Wouldn't have minded if it was last minute arrangement and she was indeed slotting me in, but it wasn't and she didn't say she had other plans for that day when we arranged.

AIBU to think this is rude?

OP posts:
ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 18:55

If you consider it a personal attack ladyclarice then feel free to report it. I think she's been extremely agitated and spent a lot of time getting very worked out about people not agreeing with her over something very minor. If you think that breaches the talk policy then please, do go ahead and report it.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/08/2011 18:57

I wasn't (and am not) intending to report it, no, just thought your post came across as a bit nasty.

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 18:59

It doesn't bother me in the slightest what your opinion is of me ladyclarice so obviously I'm not going to attempt to censor you from sharing it, knock yourself out.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/08/2011 19:07

OK ajay.

TelephoneTree · 02/08/2011 21:14

It is difficult isn't it - My eldest is 5 so I don't know about older children per se but to me the day is in 3 sections - morning, lunch and afternoon. I think i might be your worst nightmare but this is my reasoning behind it...

I only have all the kids on 2 days a week as i work the other 3, therefore I have to pack everything in on those 2 days - kids having fun plus catching up with as many people as poss that I really want to see. So, over the 2 days, we tend to have 3 half days organised (if we don't then I don't get to see people for weeks on end as everyone is free at diff times) and a half day just to oursleves. Some weeks get totally out of control and i end up arranging nothing and refusing to meet up with anyone because all my arranging has driven myself and the kids mad and we just want to drift Grin.

A meetup for a playground stint therefore (to me) means either morning or afternoon. If the day had been left open / loose I would have no probs with arranging a lunch thing - either myself and the kids or out - wherever BUT irrespective of lunch as I know that;'s not your point, my point is that regardless of where we were going to eat, if the playground where we were meeting was a drive away, we'd probably have to leave it at 11:30/12. So - if I was just going to eat at home I probably wouldn't have said anything but at about half 11 (or whatever time) said 'I think we'd better start making a move soon' or something but if I'd arranged something 'out' I'd have a known leaving time already.

Also - if you didn't want to rush out in the morning (TOTALLY understandable as I don't either Grin - i'd have said that's fine but I won't be there until 10 at the earliest, i'll see you when i get there. And then enjoyed seeing the friends for whatever time we had.

slugger · 03/08/2011 10:19

ajay I thought that you had gone into a bit of detail above about you organise your day based on having a baby. I was simply saying that I don't organise my day like that - I have moved beyond the baby years. I meant 'unlike you' as a straightforward comment, but can see how you might have perceived it.

I only commented because you wrote that you didn't know I'd left the baby with someone else - a comment I think was meant to be rather provocative. In fact, all your posts have been provocative. You said at the beginning that you didn't want to get involved with a ruck with a 'chopsy' OP and yet that is what you have deliberately done.

'Agitated' is needling - it is a rather patronising word to use. I have admitted that I was BU about some of this way before I said so to you - but that wasn't good enough for you, you were only satisfied when I said it to you. And then you deliberately put in a passive aggressive pop about not putting one child's needs above the other's.

Overall, I realise that this friend has a habit of only doing things on exactly her terms - no one else's, there is never any negotiation - and yes, this has bugged me. I am run down at the moment, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep because of my baby and I have a health condition that I found out yesterday is going to require surgery to fix; it is affecting my mobility and, i realised yesterday, is making me a bit depressed. I'm finding it quite difficult to motivate myself to do social things at the moment. So I didn't feel like putting myself out a little (i.e. meeting at a time and place that didn't suit me that well) for this friend. With other people, I wouldn't have been irritated and would have been happy to meet on their terms or negotiated meeting later. With her, I decided I couldn't be bothered and would rather not meet as this was a pattern and I don't feel she is interested in finding an arrangement that is suitable to me, only to her.

Yes, I have spent time responding to people on here. What of it? You have spent time repeatedly and deliberately provoking and being argumentative with someone you view as 'agitated'. I don't do that on MN or indeed in life. So, while I may not be a paragon as reasonableness, I don't feel I'm being as pathetic as you. And yes, just so we're clear, that is a personal attack.

OP posts:
ajaybaines · 03/08/2011 11:03

The difference is slugger, I can take being given an opinion and you can't Grin next time best not to ask. I so feel sorry for your 'friend' though. She tries to make an arrangement to meet you and you respond by attacking her parenting right back to when her school child was a baby. I do hope she doesn't find this thread and discover what you think of her

slugger · 03/08/2011 11:16

Attacking my friend's parenting right back to when her school child was a baby? Oh, you mean because I said she rigidly followed a Gina Ford routine? yeah, I guess on MN that is an attack Grin

OP posts:
ajaybaines · 03/08/2011 11:35

You still haven't answered the question I asked you earlier- do you usually get this worked up when people disagree with you? I really don't think it can be good for you you know

ajaybaines · 03/08/2011 11:35

And agitated is a statement of fact!

JackyJax · 03/08/2011 11:59

I sometimes bracket how long I'll meet up with people and will even suggest a playdate only for an hour. But this is not because I think I'm so important that I can only spare an hour for people. In contrast, it's because I'm worried the person won't really want the playdate and I don't want to be pushy so I figure if we only meet for one or two hours then they won't get fed up of me! Can see the label of 'Low self esteem' hovering over my head here!

redwineformethanks · 03/08/2011 12:04

Ladies..............ladies..............this is getting nasty. Let's be nice. (please.............)

ajaybaines · 03/08/2011 12:06

Ok redwine, you're right.

I'm sorry slugger, you're just very easy to wind up and I shouldn't do it.

I won't post again.

slugger · 03/08/2011 12:19

Ah, you just can't leave it without getting in another passive aggressive dig, can you ajay?

I'm glad 'winding me up' has given you so much pleasure Smile

OP posts:
ajaybaines · 03/08/2011 12:52

I wouldn't say it gave me that much pleasure tbh, mild amusement maybe Smile

TelephoneTree · 03/08/2011 19:45

ajay Hmm

chugsy · 03/08/2011 20:57

Lol!

slugger · 04/08/2011 20:03

Hello ajay chugsy

OP posts:
chugsy · 04/08/2011 21:09

hello

ajaybaines · 04/08/2011 21:10

hello

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