Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Being given a 2-hr time slot by friend

145 replies

slugger · 01/08/2011 09:39

Maybe I'm being a bit over-sensitive about this one. Made an arrangement 2 weeks ago with a friend to meet up today with our children and go to a playground we'd both have to drive to. We didn't set a time but I assumed we'd go in the morning, and perhaps have lunch together.

Friend texted me yesterday to say she has to be somewhere for lunch so could only meet btw 9:30-11:30am. I felt a bit miffed - there was no flexibility to arrange a time that suited us both, she was dictating the time and if I couldn't make it for 9:30am (I couldn't) then we couldn't meet (so we're not). I felt it was a little dismissive to give your friend a 2hr slot, as if not worthy of more time. Wouldn't have minded if it was last minute arrangement and she was indeed slotting me in, but it wasn't and she didn't say she had other plans for that day when we arranged.

AIBU to think this is rude?

OP posts:

Spero · 01/08/2011 22:53

Yes op I am entirely motivated by bitter jealous rage at women with partners.

OR could I be making the entirely reasonable point that some of us have to plan our days just a teeny leetle bit in advance to make sure that things get done, because we don't have the luxury of acres of free time?

Maybe you can ponder which is most likely while you deal with that stick which does seem to be quite firmly wedged up your arse.

Original poster

slugger · 01/08/2011 23:03

Why do you think it's OK to talk about a stick firmly wedged up my arse?

Why do you think I have the luxury of acres of free time? You are assuming that I seem to have loads of time to do as I wish and that frankly isn't the case. My friend is on holidays at the moment, she also has free time.
Maybe I'm missing your point because it doesn't apply to my situation.

OP posts:

Spero · 01/08/2011 23:14

The stick up the arse is a time honoured metaphor for someone who is uptight.

When you have a chance for calm reflection, just go over your responses again. You appear to be outraged that someone dared set you a time slot.

You have heard from a lot of people, mostly nice and polite, who pointed out that this wasn't unreasonable and there may have been a host of very good reasons why this was both necessary and appropriate

To be a good friend you need to be able to put yourself in their shoes once in a while.

The fact that on the morning of the day in question you could have been available any time between 10 - 6 suggests that you are very lucky and you do have a lot of free time.

I hope I don't let my unhappiness at my life situation make me bitter and unkind to others, but I do frankly get really pissed off with those who don't seem to appreciate what they have. MY Saturday would have been mapped out in two hourly slots from the week before. And if a 'friend' couldn't hack that well, bye, bye 'friend'.

Anyway I do think this whole issue is getting a bit overplayed and should notndescend into slagging match between me and you. I hope whatever the outcome, its one that you are both happy with.

Original poster

slugger · 01/08/2011 23:24

Yeah, I get that it's a metaphor.

I just don't understand why you have to be so rude.

I have a lot of free time TODAY, yes. I left it free, because I didn't know what time I was meeting my friend and I was keeping it free for her.

I repeat that you are making a helluva lot of assumptions about my life and my friend's.

And by the way, there were some people who didn't think I was BU but yet, I agree that I was

So I have learned. It is a minor issue. This is a friend I don't see very often. It is not like I have fucked up a major relationship in my or my child's life.

OP posts:

Spero · 01/08/2011 23:41

I am duly admonished for making assumptions but don't you think it's a bit hello mr pot! It's mr kettle on the other line?

Why assume things about me, that I am motivated to respond in a particular way because I am single? I am sure I would just as regimented if I didn't have to be - I am that kind of person. Not better or worse than you, just different.

But I hope I would not sulk because a friend dared to be different.

I am sorry you feel wounded because I am 'so rude'. But I have expressed my opinion on a public forum where you have actively invited my opinion, so again you will just have to accept the whole Vive la difference thingie and that one woman's charming forthrightness is another woman's unacceptable rudery.

Original poster

slugger · 01/08/2011 23:49

I've actively invited your opinion yes, that doesn't mean I have to accept insults

I welcome your opinion. Even you can't think that sticks up yer arse is charming forthrightness.

I've seen you have a go at quite a few people on threads because they are ungrateful for being in a couple and supposedly having oodles of free time. It seems to be a bugbear of yours.

Don't worry, I'm not wounded. None of us conduct ourselves brilliantly or act reasonably all the time

OP posts:

manticlimactic · 01/08/2011 23:50

I tend to have time slots for people I don't want to be stuck with all day!

biscuitmad · 01/08/2011 23:56

I would have been abit miffed as well.

Mind you I invited a friend over for a playdate tomorrow. She said she would let me know, and at 9pm today blew me out. Sometimes its just not meant to be iykwim.

mummytime · 02/08/2011 08:37

I'm in a couple, I do have oodles of freetime (well time I can schedule myself). But I also have oodles of taxi service etc.

Actually on thinking back to the original situation, I think the problem is how late she bothered to tell you her time constraints. If I was told at the start or a day or two in advance I could take or leave it and make other arrangements. If I'm give a two hour timeslot at the last minute I would be peeved (unless there was a good reason eg. a last minute doctors appointment).

bestmate · 02/08/2011 09:03

I am now in a similar position on Friday, I have a friend who was going to call in at some stage with the children for a catch up, I have already explained my children are out between 10 & 2 , and as our children are friendly I have suggested avoiding that time, so she was planning on coming after 2pm.

I have in the meantime (last night) been asked to have another friends children from 4 - 7pm and as I dont want 10 children here at the same time, I thought to slot my first friend in.

I hadnt thought at all I was being rude, in saying please call betwen 2 & 4, however now I think I should just cancel all together!!

QuintessentialShadow · 02/08/2011 09:21

But it is ok for you to brandish insults around, Slugger?
You called me obtuse. And you did not acknowledge my second post. Not throwing a fit over it, but for somebody wanting opinions, you seem to only want people to agree with you.

Original poster

slugger · 02/08/2011 09:41

QS, being pedantic, I implied that you may have been being deliberately obtuse. Don't see this as bad as saying someone has a stick up their arse, but I apologise if I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry if I did not acknowledge your second post. Not sure quite what I was meant to acknowledge and the thread was moving quite quickly at the time and there was x-posting going on. I didn't reply to each post individually.

No, don't want people to only agree with me.

Have agreed I was being U by blowing off the arrangement

bestmate - no, no, don't cancel your friend - you already had certain plans in place when you made the arrangement with her. Just call her up and explain why you'd need her to leave at 4pm if you haven't already!

OP posts:

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 13:33

I thought you said you had a baby, hence what I said about meet ups with babies.

Original poster

slugger · 02/08/2011 13:34

I have a baby and a school-age child. Meet was for the latter.

OP posts:

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 13:38

Why I'm being drawn on this, I don't know:

"we hadn't arranged to meet in the morning" No but YOU didn't explain to her that you wouldn't be able to meet at 9.30, which is a perfectly acceptable and reasonable time for most people to meet up. YOU should have spelled out to her that you aren't available until 10 or whenever. Not got shirty when she suggested 9.30, it's hard;y 6am is it?

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 13:39

Sorry, I assumed you'd be taking your baby along, didn't realise you left the baby with someone else.

emsies · 02/08/2011 14:03

Was it with the nanny ;)

joric · 02/08/2011 14:19

Just responding to OP - YANBU.
I know someone who does this, she makes a date with me and then an offer of lunch comes up with someone else so gives me a time slot to fit around it.
Makes you feel like second best.
As far as fitting in with her goes- sometimes I do, sometimes I dont depending on how convenient it is to me also.

joric · 02/08/2011 14:21

Ps- I wouldn't do 9.30 either OP- lunch leading into afternoon good for me.

joric · 02/08/2011 14:25

The reason before lunch is rubbish is because this, when I am not at work ( at weekends and hols ) is when I do jobs - washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning.

BimboNo5 · 02/08/2011 14:28

This is totally like my friend and it drives me insane tbh. She has no kids, knows I work very random shifts and when I say something like 'we need to meet up soon' she will say 'I will let you know when I will be free' like her time is more important than mine. And she will do the two/three hour time slot thing. Its barking but shes a control freak in general.

Original poster

slugger · 02/08/2011 18:28

ajay - The baby came with me to the playground. I said that the playdate was for my school age child because my baby doesn't do climbing frames and zip wires just yet. My point is that unlike you, I don't run my day according to my baby's schedule - I have moved on to a routine best suited for older children. Which, like every mother I personally know bar this one, tends to mean meeting up later in the morning and usually having lunch, as 6 year olds don't nap but do eat. So my assumption was based on what I and everyone else I know tends to do.

But I agree completely - not for the first time on this thread, but just for you - that I shouldn't have assumed and that my friend and I should have specified a general time at the time of agreeing to meet.

joric - that's it exactly

OP posts:

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 18:41

Well done for accepting that you were being unreasonable you've wasted quite a lot if time on this thread, do you generally get this agitated when people don't agree with you or is it just arranging playmates that gets you worked up?

ajaybaines · 02/08/2011 18:49

"My point is that unlike you, I don't run my day according to my baby's schedule - I have moved on to a routine best suited for older children."

Wow, you sure know a lot about me don't you?

I don't actually run my day according to my babies schedule - I don't think her older sister would thank me for it.

I do try to run it in a way that benefits both of them though - would hate to think I only considered the needs of my older child..

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/08/2011 18:53

ajay, was your comment about how 'agitated' the OP gets really necessary? It reads as if you're just needling her. Comes across as quite unpleasant.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread