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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not pay for this takeaway meal?

352 replies

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 10:20

Okay, quite prepared to be told IABU on this one, but I actually think I'm being reasonable on it.

My cousin has got annoyed that she is not invited round to my house much. She has come for lunch before, but when I see her, which admittedly is not really that frequently, I generally meet her in a park (which is about halfway between our houses) so that DS and her DD can play together. I will pack a picnic if the weather is nice. But my cousin wants to come for dinner now, and I've arranged it for Friday night.

I'm reluctant to have her here in the evening mainly because she is usually miserable and rude. She has never made much of an effort to get to know my DP and the evening will just be uncomfortable and a total bore. Fortunately, the children do actually play nicely together, so DS will have a buddy for the night! I am okay with the fact that she's coming round, but I am annoyed about her comments about the food.

DP is a brilliant cook and has offered to do something that would suit everyone, adult and child. This was my preference, as we are largely a vegetarian household (I am veggie, DP eats mainly a vegetarian diet, as does DS, DD just about to start weaning). We thought if the weather was nice, we could even do a barbecue and eat in the garden.

But my cousin has rejected this idea and wants to come round for a takeaway. She has made it clear that she expects DP and I to pay for her and for her DD. If we'd invited her round explicitely to have a takeaway, I might agree with her, but that's not it. Not only that, but her DD is a very fussy eater and will according to her mother, probably only have chips. If that's ever the case with DS, we will let him have chips, but they will be oven chips, and I will do them at home for him. He will eat with us and have them served at the same time, so he wouldn't know they weren't from the takeaway (not that he'd care). Aside from the fact that I am being expected to pay for the takeaway, I have now been told that it would be unfair for me to cook oven chips for my cousin's DD when we would be having a takeaway, so I should be ordering a portion of chips and a couple of things for her to try. Again, I am being expected to pay for all this.

This is in addition to the fact that she won't get a taxi home (she doesn't drive) so DP or I will have to drive her and her DD to their place, meaning one of us will not be able to have a drink with dinner. Not such a big deal, but it's bugging me with the other stuff.

AIBU to tell my cousin that if she wants to have a takeaway, she will be expected to make a contribution that covers her and her DD's share? And that unless she does, DP will make dinner?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 21:41

"Hi, so looking forward to seeing you on Friday, hope you don't mind, but I've got a few strangers much loved friends coming too. They're bringing manky fanjos, that's okay, right?"

Can I send that in a text instead?

Grin
OP posts:
Bogeyface · 31/07/2011 21:42

I did wonder Greeneyes but didnt like to ask!

Bogeyface · 31/07/2011 21:43

This is an official dare

In fact, make that a double dare!

I dare you to send that text

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 21:46

Apparently, you can make icecream with durian.... Hmm

OP posts:
TeamDamon · 31/07/2011 21:49

TidyDancer, you are officially my new favourite MNetter.

With this thread and the tattoo thread, you are spoiling us Grin

Haven't laughed so much for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

notlettingthefearshow · 31/07/2011 21:53

She sounds like a nightmare but I wonder if there is more to it? If she is a meat eater, perhaps she doesn't enjoy your DH's vegetarian cooking (unless of course he usually cooks meat especially for her?) Taste in food is very subjective and she may simply want to be able to order her own food because she doesn't like what you eat in your household. Don't take this personally. Do you like what she eats in hers? Maybe you just have different ideas about food.

Even so, she is unreasonable. You can say that you don't get takeaways and give as many reasons as you like (waste of money, unhealthy, creates waste, etc) and that you prefer to feed your family homecooked food. This is non negotiable. Ask what food she would order at a takeaway and offer to make something similar. This won't be a problem if your DH is an experienced cook.

As for the driving, you must have been very kind in the past to give her the idea you were happy to drive her back and forth. Maybe she doesn't realise that you feel it is a sacrifice not to drink for an evening. As a nondriver, perhaps she has never done this. Explain that you're both looking forward to relaxing with a drink at the end of a hard week, etc can't give her a lift home. You could offer to pick her up but not take her back. If she can't manage this, then you should meet elsewhere, or make plans in the daytime when public transport is presumably easier.

I may be giving her far too much credit - she is probably quite aware of how much hard work she is, and therefore is probably simply very selfish. And it sounds really odd that she would prefer a takeaway than your food. But since you want to keep the relationship going, you should let her come over - on your terms.

Good luck!

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 21:55

Awwww thanks TeamDamon!

Okay, as much as I love you all, I am going to depart for the evening. Overnight, I will grow the balls to send that text (probably), and I will keep you updated on all relevant issues. Fruit, takeaways, tattoos, if there is gossip to be had, you will have it. Grin

Goodnight all. :)

OP posts:
muriel76 · 01/08/2011 18:42

Did you do it?! I have logged back in just to find out.....Blush

SugarPasteFrog · 01/08/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TidyDancer · 01/08/2011 19:55

Evening all!

Message has been sent.

Okay, not exactly in the form I alluded to above, but something like "Hi, we're really looking forward to Friday, DP wants to do a barbie so we can take advantage of the nice weather! Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to get from Tesco. We already have wine and drinks for the DC. We're going to do a fruit pudding, something nice and light."

Would it be too cruel to make durian icecream for her? Grin

OP posts:
lilmissminx · 01/08/2011 20:00

Shock wine for the DC? lol -sorry literal reading there!--

Good for you. Keep standing up to her.

SugarPasteFrog · 01/08/2011 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonDifficult · 01/08/2011 20:09

Good work, although the manky fanjo stuff was funnier. How are you planning to deal with the ride home issue? Can you text that too?

Purplegirlie · 01/08/2011 20:20

She sounds a nightmare, OP, and I would definitely tell her in no uncertain terms that you won't be getting a takeaway and that you won't be giving her a lift home. Let her strop or get annoyed and just laugh at her. What a madam!

I have a friend who is a bit like that, although probably not quite as bad. She's very demanding and wants everything her own way. Lots of people don't like her but I find the only way I can maintain the friendship is by standing up to her and telling her "no" if I don't want to do something. She is getting better with me and is much more respectful and less demanding with me now. You might find this is the case with your cousin if you stand up to her and refuse to give in to her demands.

TidyDancer · 01/08/2011 21:05

I find it's an easier bedtime process if I get the DCs tanked up first. They sleep better. Grin

She hasn't replied yet, I'm waiting for that before I mention the transport situation.

SPF, remind me never to come to dinner at your house! You are awesome disgusting! Grin

OP posts:
SugarPasteFrog · 01/08/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 01/08/2011 21:35

Tidy you were too restrained. I would have been much more harsher with her.

Spuddybean · 01/08/2011 21:44

i have been checking this thread throughout the day in case of an update - it made me laugh so much!

i would actually pay someone to tell me they wanted a takeaway at my expense and a lift here and home! the satisfaction of telling them no would be be exquisite.

i know it's your RL and family but i cant help hope she has a strop about not getting a chinese takeaway. (sorry)

Dylthan · 01/08/2011 21:59

Shock I can't believe that there are people out there that are actually this rude.

Has she replied yet or do you think she's sulking?

Lou222 · 01/08/2011 22:00

Has she replied ?

pigletmania · 01/08/2011 22:08

This woman puts all us non car drivers in a bad light, that we are all lift grabbing scroungers.

warthog · 01/08/2011 22:14

has she thrown a hissy yet?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 01/08/2011 22:17

SugarPasteFrog we must have been separated at birth. I always say that my DC have grown up with cast iron stomachs Grin

loubielou31 · 01/08/2011 22:23

You were much too nice. I'm looking forward to fridays bbq already though. :)

cjbartlett · 01/08/2011 22:29

Agree piglet

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