AIBU to ask: How did you disappoint your parent/s?

[Countingwiththecount]

I dropped out of uni after a year to 'reconsider'. My mum was so upset she declared the previous twenty years 'an utter failure' and held me personally responsible for gender inequality. To this day we are still nowhere near as close as before. Fortunately I have reached a stage in my life where I can accept this but I'd be v interested to hear other MNers experiences!

I decided to work part-time after the birth of my son thereby undoing all of feminism's good works (disappointing my mother).

I didn't become a top journalist or political editor of The Times but became a boring old speech therapist instead (disappointing my father).

I was a 'bad investment'. Fat, ugly (mum's a narc so it's all about how it reflects on her), sent to private school but didn't get straight As. Bullied mercilessly by parents. Promptly got pregnant at 19.

I got a first at uni, my son in tow. Now I'm a disappointment because I don't have a 40k a year job and I am a 'bad daughter' because I don't love them enough.

Oh and I think it can all be summed up by the last time she had a meltdown and yelled at DH after he restrained her from hitting me "you don't understand, you didn't know her when she was fifteen!" Apparently I 'changed' then and her life was hell because she was trapped with me wondering if I was going to kill myself and it was just awful for her

Younger sister is golden child. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling like a giant failure. If my parents don't love me then there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, sort of thing.

My mother snips and says hurtful things.

I didnt have a boyfriend for two years, mainly because I kept meeting prats. She snips its okay I know your gay.

After being married for two years.

She snips I dont like your dh and slags him off

Im fat and both mother and sibling say

your gettting really fat when are you going on a diet.

Lesssons that Ive learnt is to only see my mother for approx 2 hours once week, less if possible. Sibling once every three months, I find her more insulting than my mother.

I will never be that nasty, shallow, or have like them. Because Im a better person than then.

Remember the saying you can choose your friends, but not your family. Shame really I would have swapped mine over ages ago.

I think my mum found it hard to accept that we were growing up, had developed our own opinions and she had less control over what we did, where we went etc. And with this came a lot of criticism and put downs about all sorts of things at the time.

However, we're now very close and she always asks for and values my opinions!

I dissapointed my mother (and continue to do so) because:

• I am a girl (have 3 older brothers) she hates girls
• I have 2 DD's (se above)
• I am a lesbian with a long term, i.e 16 year relationship with female partner
• I never gave her a son in law to worship
• I blew the lid on my fathers sexual abuse when I was 12
• I dared to question why he was still living with us from aged 12 till I left home
• I cut him out of my life when pregnant with our first child, while she was still living with him, apparently it made things "awkward" for her.

....I could go on & on, but I'm beginning to simmer

I know my parents are proud of a lot of things I have done so they are not the toxic sorts that some of you have had to deal with but there are a couple of areas:

I'm overweight (exactly like my mum, which she hates)
My mum doesn't like my career choice particularly (teacher) and still says things like 'I really think you should think about becoming a lawyer' - er no mum, I would absolutely hate to be a lawyer....

The weight thing really is the major thing. Both my parents are disappointed by me being overweight and I hate it too so at least we share common ground I guess

This thread is so sad. I am so sorry for the suffering people have been through.

I'm sure my parents were disappointed that I didn't go to university but only in that way that you want your child to have lots of opportunities. I don't think they are disappointed 'in' me.

I tell my DC I am proud of them an awful lot. I also tell them I am disappointed in them when they do mean things to each other.

Not working hard at school (pulled my finger out in the end and got to uni though)

Not making a sucess of my career.

Not giving it all up to bake cakes at home with my children (this one really mystifies me - why was it so important to get a degree and earn good money, if I was expected to stay at home with my children for many years? Did they really want me to marry a rich man?!)

Living a pigsty.

They are mostly lovely though - the biggest disappointment to them is that I never seem to be happy.

A lifelong disappointment to my mother that I'm not thin, immaculately coiffed and stylish.

Both parents appalled that I got pregnant by and then married a total asshole. "I thought you were such a good judge of character!" said my dad. A very difficult few years. Mind you, I'm not exactly proud of myself either.

my parents were not very ambitious for me; and nor was I so my parents were not disappointed in me.

I love this thread.

I am not My Perfect Cousin
I left the church
I didn't marry a sensible city-type in a grey suit and have two perfect children called Henry and Lucinda who I could afford to send to my dad's minor public school where they would be really good at sports and become Head girl and boy
I have emotions
I had a child 'out of wedlock'
DH is an active father and doesn't leave all the parenting to the 'little woman' - that makes him a freak

I am so sad to see a recurrent theme here, revelations of being abused, families never getting over people dropping out of uni, all sorts of sad stuff, BUT

I keep seeing:

not being a boy.

How many of us were told we were unwanted because we were girls?

I was meant to be a boy too.

This thread reminds me I must give my DD a hug asap (when she finally wakes up) and tell her how great she is.

My mum always used to say 'I don't mind what you do as long as you are happy' which is a nice sentiment but very unhelpful as a) I don't think she really meant it and b) being happy all the time is impossible. I felt enourmously pressured to appear happy to her and never let on when I wasn't. Sometimes, you need the freedom to acknowledge that life can be shit and a shoulder to cry on

singarainbow - so familiar! my mother never acknowledges me as a parent, never congratulated me and DP on our civil partnership (also been together for 16 years - longer than my parents were married). But unlike many on here, I don't think the fact that I am a girl was ever an issue for her. I just don't understand that - we have one dd and are expecting another - I am curious about what it would be like to have had a boy, but I am not in any way shape or form disappointed. Children are people before they are one sex or the other, although clearly a lot of people think differently!

I am wrong in everything I do. Everyone I know is bad, I am abusing my children... haven't spoken to my Mother in over a year and that isn't changing anytime soon. Stupid narcisistic witch.

I wasn't a boy. My father used to say I was a disapointment when I was born and I've been a disapointment ever since. He used to tell me he wished I was dead and that I'd never been born. My Mum would say she was ashamed to call me her daughter.

having too many boyfriends, going out more than one night in a row, having lots of friends, not being afraid to voice my opinions, working full time, still going out with friends now im (shock horror) a married woman with kids, not walloping my 4 year old son whenever he does something slightly silly. In short im the polar opposite of her and she hates me!

Oh this thread is so sad isn't it?

My Mum was very disappointed when I gave up being a lawyer and has only really come to terms with it as I am now a successful writer.

She is also a wee bit disappointed that I am not more glamorous, despite the fact that I have regular blow dries, manicures, buy lots of nice clothes etc. She would very much like me to look and dress like Cheryl Cole.