AIBU to ask: How did you disappoint your parent/s?

[Countingwiththecount]

I dropped out of uni after a year to 'reconsider'. My mum was so upset she declared the previous twenty years 'an utter failure' and held me personally responsible for gender inequality. To this day we are still nowhere near as close as before. Fortunately I have reached a stage in my life where I can accept this but I'd be v interested to hear other MNers experiences!

i got fat.

she got clinically paranoid though, so she wasn't all that. shes dead and im not overly bothered by this.

however it would be interesting to hear how my 18 yr old daughter thinks i fucked her up.

i think it is important to see yourselves out of this circle of self pity and wonder how you are going to fuck your kids up.

most kids feel fucked up in some way or another. so think on, your probably considered a freaky fucked up loon by your own kids...or you will be

I'm not thin enough either.
I am a lawyer, but that means very little.
I'm 35 and have not yet produced any grandchildren, that's the biggie. My sister hates children so they're totally relying on me.

What a fucking BRILLIANT question! how long have you got......?

by not being a boy
by not being a doctor
by not being a lawyer (for long enough)
by not being DPP/AG, whatever...
by not being a scientist
by not winning the f*in' nobel prize
BY BEING A FRIKKIN' HUMAN BEING!
(I love 'em, though. Don't get me wrong...)
they did their best, honest, they're actually lovely people... and IMO I'd rather have them as parents, fucked up as they are, than many far 'happier', more 'modern', indulgent types.

Think me and my brothers initially disappointed our father by being born. He seemed to be miserable all through my childhood as I recall. Our mother finally divorced him after 25-odd years of unhappy marriage.

Our younger brother died 12 years ago aged 27, father didn't even bother coming to the funeral. He was too busy apparently.

Oh well, he's dead now.

My mum's nice though, albeit a little bonkers

Was expelled from convent school in sixth form. After much begging & pleading was allowed back the year after.

Got a place at Imperial College (my father, as professor of maths, was thrilled), decided to go to Manchester Uni instead so I could spend my grant on getting wankered at the Hacienda.

In retrospect, they may have had a point.

It all ended well though (about 15 years later).

Turning out to be bisexual - my mum still hasn't got over it properly and my dad is ever so embarrassed that I refuse to hide it and lie to people if they ask me.

Not being a boy - my parents were convinced I was a boy all the way through my mum's pregnancy and were quite disappointed when they got me.

Being quite tomboyish and being much better at science and maths than art and textiles etc. Apparently it is unfeminine and if I had to be a girl I should have been a "proper" one.

I don't have a bad relationship with my parents but we are certainly not that close, we get along OK as long as the conversation stays purely on a superficial level!

By getting pregnant at 15, leading up to that I was a pretty terrible teenager too. My parents were disappointed for me, they worried about me, I would feel the same. They were incredibly supportive.

My Mum is my best friend and biggest supporter. We bicker occasionally, she sometimes dispairs of my slatternly ways :o but it never lasts long. She tells me she feels very lucky to have me and my dcs living so close.

Her mother is still around and whilst we are all very close she is the most critical and caustic old thing you could ever meet. She has a heart of gold but sometimes it's hard to find. I honestly wonder how she and my Mum can possibly be related.

My mum is disappointed in me because I:

Dye my hair, she has told me this is insulting to her as she 'gave me that hair'. She dyes her hair though so my grandma must be very insulted

Refuse to leave the job I've been in for 5 years and don't mind, in favour of one that I'd have no employment rights in for the first two years

Drive a car that she doesn't approve of

Am single, because my ex dumped me (she hated him though!)

Am overweight, so she has a go non stop and wonders why I don't lose weight-stress eating anyone!?

My Mum was wonderful, but died when I was 9 years old. My Dad has always hated me. I'm not sure why. He thinks the sun shines out of my brothers' arses! He particularly got upset when I was a teenager and worked hard at school. That I wasn't into the whole drugs and drink thing. He has a "friend" type of relationship with my brothers as they'd all go out and get pissed together (he's an alcoholic) but I wasn't particularly interested and if I was around my Dad when he was drunk, he would become violent towards me, so I wouldn't want to go to the pub with him anyway. He's recently become very arsey since I graduated because now I think I'm better than everyone else (apparently)
If being annoyed at his homophobia, sexism and racism means that I think I'm cleverer than him, then I don't have a huge problem with that... until he starts shouting at me in front of dd.
Needless to say, we haven't spoken in a while and I really don't think it is fixable anymore :(
Sorry for everyone else's crappy parents too, didn't realise there were so many of them in the world :(

My dad is a star - it doesn't matter what I do, he is completely supportive.

The woman who raised me is another matter however. I disappointed her by quitting her religious cult, marrying my dh who isn't a member of her cult, refusing to conform to her idea of what a mum should be, being thinner than her (v v easy to do), and worst of all I disappoint her continually by not being a failure.

God, really all these through I've realised that I'm not the only one with completely fucked up parents!!!!

My mum also told my brother she'd have loved us more if we'd had SN because we'd have been more "deserving" of her 'love'. Although I think it would have been more to do with her victim mentality and she'd have loved total strangers to 'see' how hard her life was. In which case it would have had to have been a visible disability - an invisible one would have really pissed her off!

As a child I was always told that I was an 'accident', and that my Mum had wanted my younger sister. That really hurt!

Despite being with my (wonderful) husband, who is a fantastic father, for nearly 20 years and producing 2 beautiful children who we have worked really hard together to bring them up knowing how much we wanted them and how proud we are of them (they are beautiful, hardworking pre-teens who are polite and considerate).

Oh, I also dropped out of Uni, whilst my sister worked really hard to get 2 good degrees- life , seemingly has always been a struggle for her wheras it always come easy to me?

She has also commented that my sister (to others, I hasten to add) is her 'successful daughter' and that my lovely husband is just a 'pen pusher' whilst sister's DP (who has a massive salary) is more successful than my DH.

Apart from my DDs being my biggest achievement, working part-time and doing voluntary work with neglectected children these comments used to make me really upset. Since discovering Mumsnet, I realise that she has the problems, not me, and I do actually like myself!

The stories I've read on here are much worse that mine, and I've upset myself by writing this, so all I can say is that I make it my life's work not to turn out like my Mum! I finally explained to DH last week what growing up with Mum was like and he had no idea- when it all came out, he told me that I'm not like my Mum... SUCCESS!!

My dad is a bellend, and he's disappointed in all four of his children mainly because we've done fuck all with our life, alas, if he took a closer look, he'd see considering his drinking, being a complete twat, and eventually leaving my mother at the age of 63 with little income and no home, we've all done ok actually.

He wanted us all to go to Uni (I'm at Uni now), travel, get great jobs, earn lots of money, although he failed to encourage this in his behaviour. He has his Goddaughter who he can 'live through' because she is all the things he ever wanted in a daughter.

Thankfully, we have little to do with him so his disappointment in us has little hold. He was also embarrassed by me during my teenage years, as he was the vicar and I was a little rebellious muthafucker who caused untold embarrassment to his bullshit 'role'...was a beautiful thing

Having a baby too young (21)

Having another baby (24)

and another (26)

She loves them all now though

My mum never really sang my praises but heard from others how she was proud of me or loved me. I have harboured a list of criticisms of her over the years which I have tempered with the benefit of experience recently.

However I am very 'yeah thats great to' to DS but having read some of the posts on here, I think I need t bare in mind how it can go the other way of a child feeling too much pressure to suceed.

Many people have mentioned disapointments in the forms of degrees and occupational status I have a degree and worked as a teacher and many so called menial jobs, DH has no degree worked v v hard and is almost at the very top of large organisation, I feel I have to say this:

there are so many twonkers and downright nasty people in all occupations at all levels, I dont see why people arent proud of an honest days work and being a decent person as something to be proud of.

I'm in the odd position of being irritated that my mother in recent years keeps telling me how proud she is.

As a teenager I attempted to discuss what I would do with my life. I was in all top sets at school. I talked about university - 'ooh, you'll never cope with that', I mentioned various jobs like teacher, social worker, librarian - 'no way could you manage them', having listened to the advice I decided I should do something practical instead and would like to be a plumber - 'are you insane?'. Eventually I said I'd go and work in an old people's home - 'oh, so you think you can sit around chatting to old ladies all day? You do have to wipe bums you know!' So despite taking 13 GCSEs (some early) my mother admitted she didn't think I'd ever be capable of a job. So of course I didn't do anything much.

Years later I'm a delivery driver earning 17k. She keeps expressing her extreme pride at how much I earn and what a high achiever I am. (She has funded my brother through uni twice, and he earns a third of this and lives at home, aged 30). She thinks it's 'brilliant' that I've opted out of the rat race, and 'chosen' to do something alternative instead of just following the crowd. I just fell into this work after delivering yellow pages (something else she was very proud of, and didn't think I could do) but I love my job, and know I wouldn't enjoy a high-flying career as much, so I guess it's all fine in the end. I do wish she'd stop being amazed at all my fabulous achievements though.

by not taking bullshit from my mother and saying what I think instead of politely nodding.
by spending a year as au pair in the us out of her mother-hen grasp
by not going to university
by moving away a 1000 miles
by bringing up my dc my way

oh and by not having my dc wear socks when it is 30 degrees outside :o

For not living in the "right" postcode, and not having a £1m house. I'm contacted at least 2/3 times a week, to be told a house is on the market, to be told a house is still on the market, why aren't I buying or even looking at any of these houses.

A) Because we (dh, I and kids) love the house we are in
B) We have maximum at a real push £300k.

My Mum is very supportive of me, less so of my 'career woman' sister.

My Mum expects me to agree with all of her anti-feminist nonsense because I'm a SAHM, she is surprised every time when I tell her she is talking rubbish.

However, we get on very well, because in many ways we're very similar.

i haven't spoken to parents in years (5) - they haven't even seen their gran-children, they cant be bothered. I gave up on my family like they did on me... since i stopped making the contact, they hasn't been any, says a lot about them (never even a x-mas card)... matter of fact i dont even know how old my youngest brothers are.

but i have a lovely home/husband/children and we work for everything we have and are happy, and our children know they are loved :)

Amazing that so many parents who cradled their babies in their arms when they were born, went on to be so resentful of their own children. What a waste of what should be the best relationship of your life :(

Having a baby at 17.
Daring to settle with a man who would not call her mum. (still with him 15 years later)
Having kids with him.(3 lovely, well mannered kids)
Not leaving dp when my dad told her from beyond the grave that dp was a bad one. (my dad died before I met dp)
Moving 360 miles away to give my disabled son a better place to live
Not spoke for a year due to the last time we visited her, my son took a reaction to the dog, had asthma attack and we had to go stay with an aunt who my mother doesn't like. (this aunt is her sister)

All reasons I disappoint my mother

I dont spend all my time cleaning. I never Iron. Ever.
Im not a martyr like her. Im actually a very capable person. She often expresses this with great surprise.
Other than that she isnt too bad.
My dad is fine doesnt care as long as im happy. Nice man my dad.

I'm quite fortunately really, I've got lovely parents.

They get disappointed FOR me when I do stupid things, not with me, does that make sense?