AIBU to ask: How did you disappoint your parent/s?

[Countingwiththecount]

I dropped out of uni after a year to 'reconsider'. My mum was so upset she declared the previous twenty years 'an utter failure' and held me personally responsible for gender inequality. To this day we are still nowhere near as close as before. Fortunately I have reached a stage in my life where I can accept this but I'd be v interested to hear other MNers experiences!

Very timely, this thread. My mother has been in a dreadful mood all day and is now practically in tears because she's so disappointed that I still bite the skin around my nails.

It doesn't matter that I'm a size 6, have a long string of A and A*s plus a 1st class degree and a Masters, have never touched drugs or alcohol, only believe in sex with 'the one,' have an impressive savings account and call her at least once a day.

Some people are never satisfied.

Ah I've disappointed my mother in so many ways. I was basically a constant irritant all through my childhood until the time I left for uni and the visits home became rarer and rarer. I was shouted at for anything from making too much noise, biting my nails, sitting the wrong way (dont ask) and generally being a tomboy.

I think the tomboy thing scared her the most. She was TERRIFIED that I was going to turn out to be a lesbian and was unbelievably rude to my female friends. Now she's just disappointed about the fact that me & DP aren't married. As a devote catholic this drives her mad, so unmarried we will stay

Moving overseas (currently a 90 minute flight away), with the first and only grandchild. She misses us terribly, and deeply wishes we lived down the road so she could be the grandma to dd that her parents were to me. And be like her friends, whose children stayed local once they grew up. This seems to be causing a growing wedge... I feel very very sad.

Not having a big white wedding at her local church in Somerset, with a horse-drawn carriage and all her friends there to celebrate. We went to Hawaii instead just the two of us. I doubt we'll ever hear the end of that one.

Basically I started a Law degree at 17 and dropped out after 3 months, met a boy, fell pregnant...split up with boy he was waste of space moved back home...when my daughter was 1 attempted law degree again at another uni, again dropped out. Law wasn't for me I decided! Met another boy, moved out, now been together 5 years and have second daughter. Studying accounting and work in finance but this still isnt good enough (and neither is my partner as he is not a doctor etc etc) for my head teacher mother who talks about no one but herself and my "perfect" sister who has just graduated. We hardly talk but I think this runs in the family, my mother hated her mother and she doesnt speak to her own 2 brothers. Messed up family!!!

Being born and being a girl, and basically everything that followed :(

I didn't move back "home" when I had my dc. She didn't mind me moving away for a job but neither of my parents can understand why I have never returned to live round the corner so they can help look after my children each week. It's as if I'm saying I don't need them. They don't like my "foreign" / southern husband either. Clearly it's his fault we don't live near them, though unbeknown to them if I wanted to move there to be near them , he's so lovely he wouldn't object. It's me that doesn't want to.

wrong time for me but I will answer anyway. I dissapointed my father (not my mother) by being born with a hare lip and clefte palate.. Father looked at me and said "im not taking that home". fifteen years later spent a few years in care. Tonight on a post I have started has brought it all back. I will add after operations im normal :) and my kids love me

i think life is just crap and there are so many stories of true heartbreak out there and I personally wish each one of you the best. The old saying is "what goes around comes around"
xx

having a really bad day myself :) x

I know I came as a unwanted surprise but I am really sad about some moms saying to their daughters they would have aborted them!

My mom didn't want me(last of 5) but I think she loved me the best out of all of us, at least I felt it. I will not say a bad thing about her now! I have posted on here, already.

I love my Mom, RIP.

Oh, what a great chance to unload.

My Mum thinks I'm wonderful and has never been anything but supportive of me.

My Dad is disappointed that I:

• prefer silver to gold jewellery
• didn't want to "catch" a rich man, but wanted to make my own money
• am left wing
• do not have the same musical taste as him
• do not dress like a WAG
• didn't lose my accent
• can't cook

He is baffled by my feminism and taste in everything and finds it unbelievable that I don't want to marry my DP - with whom I have 2 children.

He and my Mum divorced when I was 2 after she found out about his affair and then his new wife (his mistress) banned him from seeing me so for about 10 years he used to sneak down to visit me for an evening about once every six months - he was usually hours late. He finds it really upsetting that I've never really bonded with him and after an argument can go quite happily years without speaking to him.

......aaaand rest.

Yup, me too, same as many posters.
Being born , being a girl, refused to have my own baby aborted, refused to have my own baby adopted.

Only boy children were required, they also had to be sporty, bright, good singers with curly hair. None of these imaginary male children ever materialised.

I have been disappointing my parents since I was 2! Until then, I was their PFB and they thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. Then my sister was born, and mum got severe (undiagnosed) PND, and I became the devil incarnate (she apparently tried to stab me once, beat me so hard dad had to drag her off me, and regularly screamed at me for being a toddler).

So I have disappointed them by

• not being mary in the school nativities as a child (seriously)
• not winning poetry recital competitions as a child
• not being top of the class in everything
• not being lead in the orchestras at school.
• being fat (and getting fatter) since my late teens (to be fair to them, they didn't know how depressed I was after being raped, as I didn't tell anyone about it!)

- not getting straight As in my school exams

• not getting a 1st at uni
• falling in love with a foreigner (they have learnt to pronounce his name now, and sometimes even spell it)
• not getting my PhD in 3 years (I took 3.5 years, and dad was very offended by this failure )
• not having grandchildren for them by the age of 25
• getting pregnant at 26 but not being married at the time
• getting married to DH in his home country (this was after we'd planned a very small, only us and parents, wedding in the UK, which they decided to invite the whole extended family to - so we cancelled it, and got married abroad. they came to it though, and only managed to mention my weight/face about 4 times in the day, woo!).
• not living in the same country as them.
• not living my life by exactly the same principles as them.

but mainly, by being fat. mum REALLY hates that I'm fat, and never shuts up about it. then gets me clothes in several sizes bigger than I am and says 'I'm not sure if this will be too small for you?'. It's a size 22 mum. I'm an 18.

I'm so glad we don't live near them, even if it means child care is limited...

Oh yes, Kveta, I am fat too. (Size 14 and quite tall.)

These posts are so sad!!

My late mum was such a lovely mum and so proud of all of her kids just for breathing, lol........she always said as long as we did our best that was good enough for her, I dont think any of us disappointed her, well, not the point where she held a grudge on it - her love was truely unconditional which is what parental love should be (well, within reason).

I cant imagine my DS would ever disappoint me and certainly not for shallow reasons like I have read on here.

Makes me realise more then ever how fab my parents are.

not becoming a famous Shakespearian actress. My mother would have liked that, something solid yet with a Bohemian tinge to it.

My father would have liked me to have a more adventurous spirit - climb icy slick mountain sides, wrestle with lions etc

I am perfectly staid

The thing is, I have secret aspirations for my children. Things I would love to see them achieve. But those are my own personal issues and I don't let them know because I don't want them to feel the pressure to meet my expectations.

The only aspirations I express to them are that they always do their best (not that they are the best), that they treat others as they would like to be treated, that they are true to themselves and that they are happy.

I love them unconditionally and cannot imagine that they would ever disappoint me.

I would never want them to feel about me they way I feel about my mother. Then I would have failed.

I'm a massive disappointment to my Mum, it started when I was 14 and "went off the rails".

1. didn't get all As in GCSEs and A levels ( but passed all 10 GCSEs and all 4 levels C and above with a smattering of As)
2. had "unsuitable" boyfriends...to be fair she had a point, they were all older and dodgy, but very exciting, she didn't need to be QUITE so hostile
3. Not wearing Laura Ashley as standard when a teenager, unless paired with dr Marten boots of course
4. hates all 3 of my tattoos
5. ditto nose piercing and extra piercings on ears
6. Not going to Oxbridge (they'd been told I'd "definitely" go when at primary school and that I was "exceptional" etc.etc.)
7. dropping out of Uni after 1 year into French and History of Art degree to become a nurse instead (my Mum is a nurse btw)
8. Getting nursing qual and post grad qualifications from salford University rather than RG Uni
9. Marrying DH (working class engineer from Yorkshire) and not a Dr/Vet/Pharmacist/ other high level medical professional from Upper Middle class background

I know she's secretly gutted I didn't meet her perfect daughter aspirations, she's a social climber and a snob, she's told DH i could have done so much better for myself. She forgave me a bit when i bought my first flat on my own and then bought semi in affluent area, still hates telling her posh mates I'm a nurse though....

Oh also was never forgiven for not being grade 8 flute virtuoso...or professional ballerina.

I sleep in and take naps at EVERY opportunity instead of leaping up to scrub the top of the cupboards or some such shit.

My mum was a good mum, and a bad mum (not her fault I think). She suffered from mental health issues (depression I think) I realise now when looking back (something she would NEVER admit) as her parents were utter shits to her.

She loved and supported me, but at the same time it could be hard to live with the moods and unpredictability, and OTT reactions (punishments were far too harsh - I once went out as a 16 year old and got pissed on the park, I was grounded for 8 MONTHS). She has since died (when I was 20). I still miss her.

She always said to me and my DB don't have kids have cats, so we got the distinct impression she wouldn't have kids given her time again, which isn't nice!

Very complicated! Don't underestimate how your mental health problems may affect your DC!

Went to college (did course the parents wanted me to)met guy I thought I was going to be with forever; went to uni (did course the parents wanted me to);4 years later bf split up, best friend died and I went off the rails; didn't pass my degree, got job in bar and eventually ended up a single mum still living at home in feb this year. Think my daughter is the only thing my parents like me for!! So I can't complain when I'm unhappy or struggling to cope

I'm not going to lie, but i was a little shit in the majority of my teenage years, drugs, homelessness, in trouble at school, the lot.

But i was never dumb, i came out of school with good grades, and i have been in full time work for over a year and a half now, I think i made my mum a bit proud.

But now, at 18years old, i'm pregnant. Mother is disappointed as i was now 'going somewhere'. Pregnancy wasn't planned, but far from unwanted. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 18months now, and cannot wait!!

I disappointed my mother by being born. Actually I was double disappointing cos I was female. Actually I was triply disappointing cos apparently I looked like the back end of a bus.