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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

330 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:47

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:20

ah, i see, you are responding to SRS as if she is you, because you recognise her insecurities in yourself? gottit. you should work on that self-loathing, though, cos it's making you act rather horribly to strangers on the internet.

fastweb · 31/07/2011 11:24

you should work on that self-loathing, though, cos it's making you act rather horribly to strangers on the internet

Who is you in that sentence ?

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:26

but the thing about the terminology is that it's the dumbest thing in the world to focus on... my lip curls at 'blw' because it's not a good description for what occurs, as i said earlier 'self-feeding' is a better term. however, how colossally thick would i have to be to avoid blw, something that i found an absolute doddle and v enjoyable, just because of the name?

likewise, how dense would a woman who wants to know which sling will suit her back best be to avoid a 'babywearing slingmeet' because the term is a bit cringey?

i mean, really, come ON. this is ridiculous. this is all about your insecurities. be brave, forget about the names, do the stuff that interests you and avoid the stuff that doesn't. and avoid the people who do the stuff that doesn't interest you, because they mean you and your fluctuating blood pressure no harm.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:28

are you really asking, fastweb? it's pretty obvious i was replying to you. why be so cruel to srs if in fact she reminds you of you?

SiamoFottuti · 31/07/2011 11:29

if they can't understand a very simple explanation of why someone would do a a very innocuous thing, they are pretty dim as well.
Its a bit like if I wanted to spend lots of money on some wine, I might go to a specialist wine tasting event to try them out and talk about. Your suggestion to just go to a fucking supermarket and stop talking about wine would make you look like a total moron, wouldn't you say?

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:32

I suppose it all boils down to loud parenting. I have nothing against any sort of choice as long as they do it quietly and don't blog about it!

fastweb · 31/07/2011 11:35

are you really asking, fastweb? it's pretty obvious

I was checking. Always best if it is not made clear with references, given that the format means cross posting can made the interaction between specific posters opaque.

i was replying to you. why be so cruel to srs if in fact she reminds you of you?

What have I written that you deem to be an act of cruelty towards her ?

Ormirian · 31/07/2011 11:36

Hands up to being consumed by my DC. I love them to bits and they are by far the most important things in my life. For now. They will be a long time gone so I am making the most of the time they are here. So for me parenting isn't a hobby its's much more important than that. Having said I never read a book on it, or followed philosophies or methods and largely made it up as I went along.

When they are gone I will find other things to keep me busy just as I did before I had them.

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:39

I don't see how you can do anything other than make it up as you go along-you have to wait and see what sort of DC you have-I can't even parent my 3 in the same way!

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:40

oh i can't be arsed with you, fastweb. your response to SRS was ridiculous, and if it was because you recognise yourself in her then you should behave with more kindness. hers was a nice post attempting to explain why someone might parent in the way that was being slagged off here, and for some reason you and a bunch of others just went for her throat. quite bizarre, and like i say, clearly heaving with insecurities.

re the blogging, why does that offend? you know that you don't have to read them, don't you? (mostly i suspect they are written for grandparents and expat aunties to coo over, so what you are doing there being offended is pretty mysterious anyway). do people who have photos of/post about their children on FB also offend? do you de-friend them?

Ormirian · 31/07/2011 11:40

Well exactly.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:43

but aren't you being just as dictatorial there, exotic? perhaps some people absolutely CAN parent their children the same way and you are in no more of a position to declare on that than anyone is to declare on the best travel system or weaning?

oh to see yourself as others see you... this 'i'm so free and easy' is just another level of the competition, so far as i can see.

fastweb · 31/07/2011 11:54

your response to SRS was ridiculous

I haven't responded to SRS, I talked about why some people might arrive at a negative conclusion as to her motivations and why I did not share that conclusion, based on memories of my own experience of the early days of motherhood.

oh i can't be arsed with you

Duly noted that you only have the energy to leap to conclusions and hurl about accusations rather than back them up.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:57

lol

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 12:03

Of course they might be able to parent the same way. All you have to do is wait and see what DC you get-bearing in mind that they haven't read the same books.
You can tell from this thread that there are a huge variety of personalities and views-I don't see why babies and DCs should be any different.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 31/07/2011 12:05

apposite words here

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 12:08

sorry, where has anyone said anythingn different exotic? i think a lot of people are reading things that aren't there, tbh. apart from fastweb, obv.

Laquitar · 31/07/2011 12:38

Personally i don't care if people use slings or buggies. Most of us used both and those who had children with small age gaps did what was practical on each occasion. I don't care if someone uses 'exclusively' sling either. But i used to get annoyed when they tried to give me lectures 'Its cruel to put the baby in the buggy' 'You are not in tune with your baby' 'Are you not babywearer' (no, i'm scarf/belt/necklace wearer) 'It is the natural way, look at the kangaroos' . Bully for kangaroos. They dont have to also carry nappies, wipes, spare vest, purse, mobile phone, library books, and some tesco shopping on the way home.

corriefan · 31/07/2011 12:43

Well my friend, who is lovely, goes to sling support as a club rather than to discuss slings - i mean how many times can you find yhe right sling?- and is friends with people who say things like 'a group of baby wearers are doing xyz if you want to come". To her, she knows she can connect with someone if their baby is in a sling. What about someone who is just doing their best but is made to feel wrong because they have a pushchair?
I had no idea what philosophy to follow but read parenting books in pregnancy to know what to do. My next door neighbour gave me attachment patenting which most definitely did push across the message that if you didn't babywear and cosleep you would not connect with your baby. That is crap, but I thought maybe I should if it was telling me to. Then someone else lent me the contented little baby which was very different so I was completely confused! Following a philosophy is fine, but there is that element of yes we're doing the best thing. Read attachment parenting to see for yourself how impressed the authors are with their abilities!

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 12:51

gawd, i don't get this at all. if someone told me i wasn't in tune with my baby because they were in a pushchair rather than a sling, i would pmsl and take it up with them at the time, until it was sorted. what did you say to that ludicrous person, laquitar? how is it possible to still be annoyed about something like that, surely you just laid it to rest at the time?

Laquitar · 31/07/2011 12:57

Where did i say i'm still annoyed about it?

I remember that few times i got annoyed like once in the library when a mad woman wouldn't leave me alone to read the books.

RitaMorgan · 31/07/2011 13:03

I would love to find a sling group/meet near me as I would like to try one of the long fabric ones you tie and don't have a hope of working it out myself (and am not going buy before I try anyway!). I guess once you start going to a group you make friends and want to meet up with them every week anyway.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 13:03

true enough, you said you used to get annoyed. so what did you say when you were annoyed? how would you advise all these people on here who are clearly still annoyed to deal with all these ghastly people that they are friends with?

youarekidding · 31/07/2011 13:04

but they really enjoy it, the slingers, and they have coffees and swap ideas for tying them and generally-speaking they will have other things in common (a lot of the slingerettes i know are right into eco stuff and making clothes etc) so what i don't understand is... why does that annoy you? what is the problem with other people liking to do stuff that you don't?

aitch will you stop being so bleeding reasonable. It's making me change my mind.

In fact the sling support group thing isn't that far out there. It's just seems strange here in Western culture. There are many cultures/ countries that only use slings. DS loved his but being a big baby my back didn't for long. On reflection I wonder if I'd looked into it more I would have found a more suitable one. DS did though like being put down as is a very active child was a very active baby.

Think I've had a refreshing epithany.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 13:05

rita, my pal showed me how to do them, they are really easy but you're right, you need a human being to show you. i also had a buggy btw, indeed i have never met a person wearing a sling who i have not also seen with a buggy at some point.

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