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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

330 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:47

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:00

Of course it is just a mode of transportation! What else could it be? My DH thought a pram was a ridiculous-having such a huge thing to transport a small body. Judging by MN people love their prams-my way of doing it-getting my neighbours old one for free out of her loft was met with horror!

If people like their prams that is fine, if people like slings it is fine. Most people would use a mixture.
You do not have to put a whole philosophy into it and have a support group!

I happen to think that buggies should face the mother so you could talk. I was reading about someone the other day who remembers being in a buggy and facing mother and they spent their time twisting around, they wanted to see what was going on and mother was boring!!

Why should any 2 babies be thought the same-even within the same family?

IQuiteLikeVodka · 31/07/2011 11:00

I reckon the ones on here who have taken umbrage are the ones you are describing ha
and UANBU

Lady1nTheRadiator · 31/07/2011 11:01

This reply has been deleted

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exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:04

I don't care if they do it quietly-the fact is it goes with the air it is 'better' and never putting your baby down during the day is far superior. You can't tell when they are 3yrs old whether they were 'worn' or not.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 31/07/2011 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SiamoFottuti · 31/07/2011 11:06

because it can be hard to find the right kind of sling, and very beneficial when you do. And since the best way to find a good one is to try them all out, what better way than meeting up with people who have all the different kinds and can advise you how to use them?
I'd love to see you do a proper carry in a 6ft woven wrap without someone showing you how!

Why would you care if people like to meet up and talk about something they like? The only point where I start to give even the smallest shit is if these (or any other people) start using their interest to put others down, ie if you don't use a sling you're not as good a parent as me etc.....

BulletWithAName · 31/07/2011 11:06

Because Lady, everyone judges everyone. That's life.

It would be extremely boring on here if someone posted something and then everyone posted back 'Oh sorry, not going to comment because I don't judge others.'

Use slings, don't use slings, whatever. What I can't stand is the big deal made about it all, like it is really going to matter 20 years down the line whether your child was carried in a sling or pushed into a pushchair. Just get on with it!

Lady1nTheRadiator · 31/07/2011 11:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:08

I have actaully agreed with you, if you read it Lady,I don't care if they have expensive prams, slings or whatever-it is personal choice. I just hate the term 'babywearing' -and all it stands for in parenting. There have always been parents who carry their DCs around in slings when doing housework etc-they didn't give it a name, have support groups , make it a philosophy-they just did it without having to talk about it.

Lady1nTheRadiator · 31/07/2011 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBaggins · 31/07/2011 11:10

I would put DS2 in a sling but he is now 6ft 1 so it would be a bit difficult !Grin
Not sure why everyone is getting so cross -I usually ignore !
Is the best way Wink

TheCrackFox · 31/07/2011 11:10

I don't mind, so much, people with very small children droning on about their choices (although it is boring) but I don't get how people still talk about the birth etc when their youngest is 5yrs+. Really, let it go, it isn't that important anymore.

SiamoFottuti · 31/07/2011 11:11

they are getting on with it, why does that bother you?

Actually I think the issue here is insecure people inferring criticism where there is none. If one person says " I use a sling it makes my baby happy", normal people will think, lovely for you, thats great. Some people, however, will always think "how dare you say my baby isn't happy because I don't use a sling!", because of their own ishoos.

A minority of people do get obsessed and a few will be irritatingly smug and superior. But if you see it everywhere, thats your problem, not theirs.

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:12

Why would you even join a sling group? Join a mother and baby group-does it matter if a couple turn up with prams? It is merely a way of transporting a baby that suits you-nothing more and nothing less.

BulletWithAName · 31/07/2011 11:12

But it is unimportant. I can't stand the big deal that is made about it all, and that's any type of 'parenting method'.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 11:12

but these boastful people... they're boastful. that is unnattractive behaviour in anyone. prior to becoming pregnant, those people were boastful about their cars, their homes, their job achievements...

if the thread was 'i really cannot be arsed with boastful people', then maybe, but then i look at SRS's post, which was the opposite of boasting if you bothered to read it, and i see the response that got, and i am forced to conclude that all these terrible types exist mostly in your imaginations.

and i think that is because you are a bit insecure. Grin

Lady1nTheRadiator · 31/07/2011 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BulletWithAName · 31/07/2011 11:13

Why would you even join a sling group? Join a mother and baby group-does it matter if a couple turn up with prams? It is merely a way of transporting a baby that suits you-nothing more and nothing less.

Exactly.

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:13

When they are still blogging about the birth 15yrs on that is seriously weird!

huffythethreadslayer · 31/07/2011 11:13

I have one daughter. I waited for her a long time, had multiple mcs before her and one after her, so she's all I have in the nipper department. Does that mean I probably over parent a little?? Yep...but I consciously try not to. I don't use her as a hobby but I do have to say that she swallows up a lot of my spare time and I think of her lots during that time. I also think about my husband a lot during my spare time and we make plans for when she's not around. She gets sent to Grandmas regularly and we enjoy the time we have as a couple. Having said that, we often talk about parenting choices and what we need to do to help our pfb get on in the world Blush. We also have moments of clarity when we realise we have absolutely no control over our dd and her life and we give ourselves a Biscuit or two! I hate overparenting and loud parenting, but I'm sure I've done it myself in my smug past, so I won't judge. But OP, YANBU in thinking it and despising it.

fastweb · 31/07/2011 11:17

so if you are right, and there is every reason to think that you are... why is everyone being such a bitch to her? i genuinely don't understand.

I think because of what I said in my post.

Perhaps the poster in question is reminding people of a "type", and they are reacting to that

The type being the first one I laid out.

I'm think the reason I formed the impression I did was because I'm pretty sure I had a similar self imposed burden in the earlier days of being a mother.

It might not be the sort of conclusion you arrive at unless you recognize it personally on some level maybe ?

-----

why does that annoy you? what is the problem with other people liking to do stuff that you don't?

It doesn't annoy me when it is a case of people liking what they like and doing what they do. None of my friends parent in the way I do, but our kids are doing OK, and all the mums all seem generally happy. So who cares.

But it does annoy me when acquaintances get evangelical and start to assign implied "better mummy" or "best parental practice" connotations to their choices, either overtly or covertly. At best it becomes tedious when there is better conversation to be had and my personal boredom threshold has been reached. At the other end of the scale, occasionally it can be downright offensive.

I'd hazard a guess that is what annoys most people.

There is one thing that I have to take issue with when it comes to sling mummies.

Please note that if it is not obvious you are wearing a sling rather than a nice ethnic looking bag that ties to you, some people are going to be caught unawares when tiny newborn hand emerges and waggles about a bit, being teeny and precious. Thus leaving unprepared women wide open to a rush of broody that they did not have time to steel themselves against.

Most inconsiderate Wink

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:18

You wear a dress, you wear a jumper-at a push you can wear a handbag but by no stretch of the imagination can you wear a baby! I that I just get annoyed with the term Grin
It is like a lot of terms e.g. BLW how can you have anything different?
Unconditional parenting-assuming that it is anything other than a method that gets your DC to do what you want him/her to do.

SiamoFottuti · 31/07/2011 11:18

Bullet are you a bit dim? You join a sling group to try out and learn how to use slings. They have sling librarys to borrow from, and lessons on how to wrap etc. A mother and baby group do not. There are no shops to go and compare these types of slings before you buy them, so a sling meet is usually the only way.

Clear enough yet? Hmm

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 11:20

Sorry think-not that.

BulletWithAName · 31/07/2011 11:20

No. No I'm not Grin

BTW, I'm not the only one saying this. Shouldn't you be asking the others if they are 'dim' as well?