AIBU To consider not going to my good friends wedding in three days because I don't know how I will get home.

[Shell85]

A friend of mine is getting married at the weekend.
She has picked a lovely hotel in the middle of nowhere to get married.
I had arranged for DS and I to get a lift there and back with someone, but they told me at the hen do last weekend that they can no longer give us a lift.
I have tried to find another lift, even asked the bride to ask people, but she said there is no one that can give me a lift that is coming from anywhere near where I live.
Rooms at the hotel are £180 a night, even with the wedding guest discount, and a taxi would cost over £100. Nether of which I can afford this close to the end of the month.
I even looked at public transport, but it wouldn't work either.
There are no other hotels around that are of a reasonable price either.
I have asked friends if anyone would be willing to drive me but no one is free.

I don't see any other way to get there and get home, I don't want to miss it but I don't know if I have much of a choice.
AIBU to not go because I don't think we could get home?
I know my friend would be hurt if I let her down. :(

How is the wedding at 6PM. It's not legal to marry at that time, IIRC. Has to be done by 6.

Have you googled for Bed and breakfast nearby?

I think the problem is going to be sourcing accommodation at this time of year without spending a fortune.

That's better!

Agree with the others - although it would be a shame to miss the wedding, if it's something you can't afford, then I think you have to drop out. Not your fault if you were let down.

I think as the bride already knows about this and even she has reached a bit of a dead end with arranging lifts for you then its fair enough that you don't go. I personally wouldn't want to arrange an emergency overdraft just for a wedding.
When I got married I would have been mortified to find out someone had put themselves into debt just to attend my wedding!

I think if the bride is such a good friend & she really would be upset by you not attending her wedding then she should be more open to the option of you taking a "plus 1" who can drive. From everything you've said, all of which seems understandable, I'd tell her that it's either that or you cannot go.

Do not get an overdraft to go to a wedding - that is absolutely madness. Just tell your friend you have tried everything and there is no transport option apart from a taxi which at £100 is much more than you can afford. Be absolutely honest - perhaps she will offer to pay for the taxi?

oooh Robert is willing www.couchsurfing.org/search?location={%22country_id%22%3A271}&couchstatuses=Y#location=%7B%22city_id%22%3A2378761%2C%22state_id%22%3A5381%2C%22country_id%22%3A271%2C%22region_id%22%3A6%2C%22latitude%22%3A54%2C%22longitude%22%3A-1.4666670560837%2C%22population%22%3A2%2C%22population_dimension%22%3A0%2C%22city%22%3A%22Knaresborough%22%2C%22state%22%3A%22North%20Yorkshire%22%2C%22country%22%3A%22England%22%2C%22region%22%3A%22Europe%22%2C%22type%22%3A%22city%22%7D&order_by=default&map_edges=%7B%22northEast%22%3A%7B%22lat%22%3A54.0967513693446%2C%22lng%22%3A-1.3032454252243042%7D%2C%22southWest%22%3A%7B%22lat%22%3A53.90302323734304%2C%22lng%22%3A-1.6300886869430542%7D%7D&couchstatus_all=1&max_surfers=0&male=1&female=1&several_people=1&username=Name%20(or%20Username)&keyword=Keyword

oh fuck, sorry

And I do not blame you for not wanting to stay with a total stranger off the internet when you are on your own with your young son. Or for not wanting to basically hitchike with some total stranger, either.

I have been following your thread and just wanted to say that I hope you get sorted without having to get an overdraft. I'm afraid I have no other suggestions about how to manage your travel problems, but there have been some really good suggestions here and I hope one if them works for you.

Is there any camp sites in the area? As Asda is selling really cheap tents at the moment which also include a sleeping bag so for one night could you try that and then get the bus or train first thing the next morning? You could ask the hotel if you could pitch up somewhere private where no other guests would see for a small fee on their grounds?

Hope you get to the wedding without debt

OP I really wouldnt get into debt over a titting party, I cant believe that has been suggested.

Its not your fault you have been let down and it does sound like you have tried everything.

I too would be very wary of sleeping on some strangers couch (ffs!!), camping in someones GARDEN (!!) or even camping at all if its not something you do regularly and dont already have the stuff.

I like the suggestion of taking a plus one who can drive, hope you can find someone but if not you have tried all you can as the bride is surely aware.

Okay, she doesn't have camping stuff, she has her son with her and she doesn't drive. So camping really isn't an option.

And would you be okay with the internet equivalent of hitchiking or staying with some total stranger with your young child in tow? Honestly? For a wedding?

She did her best. She's not at fault here, the cow who let her down and flaked out on the wedding at the last moment for some poxy holiday and left her hanging.

Shell, I've already said that I think you've done your best and no one could ask for more but just wanted to add on a tangential point that I quite like your bolding! I've never seen it done before but found it very helpful in following your thread. Think it is ingenious and should be automatic on MN actually.

Sorry if this has been suggested already but, could OP throw herself on the mercy of the hotel and try and negotiate a cut price rate for the worst room in the place - or even in staff quarters? Hoteliers do have hearts (some of them) and if you can persaude them of your sincere need (and that you are not simply blagging a free/cheap room) perhaps they would take you in?

Don't feel bad or guilty. You've donw what you can.

shell I love the bold type, yes it does make it easier for my ageing eyes, wish that all ops did this when updating information. Personally I would not go, a good friend would really understand. Don't put yourself in debt for it, I am sure that the bride would be mortified that you have.

OP. YANBU. The bride is having her wedding somewhere fairly remote at 6pm. You are a single mother who doesn't drive and isn't rolling in it. You have tried every avenue. It's OK to not be able to go.

Couples can have any type of wedding they want but they can't complain when or if their wedding causes real difficulties for guests.

Forget the camping idea- who wants to take a tent and sleeping bag to a wedding when you have your son with you ?

The best two ideas I have seen are: decline nicely and send a gift. Even if you do get transport back it's a bit of an epic trek with your DS and no car and changing trains and only being able to go for a few hours anyway as it doesn't start til 6!

The second good idea was try a discount booking site to see if the hotel shows any cheap rooms nearer the time. Otherwise ring the hotel and explain and ask if you can stay in a staff room. I used to know lots of hotel trainees and they often stayed over in the hotel in smaller rooms when they worked late. Like a wise poster said earlier, they'd rather sell a cheap room than not sell one at all.

I have declined wedding invites before now when getting there and back was a nightmare either logistically or financially. No bride wants their guests to suffer badly just for one day (OK some do, but that's a whole other thread..)
Good luck OP.

Please ask the bride to call the hotel and explain you've been let down. Given it is so last minute I'm sure they could do you a good discount on a room. Then go home on the bus and train the next day. It is very bad of your lift to let you down (and it sounds like they've let the bride and groom down too).

Bar ringing the hotel or laterooms, swerve it. Having a wedding out in the middle of nowhere has its drawbacks and this is one of them.

Do not go into debt for this.

Again I just wanted to say an epicly huge thank you to everyone, I really love this forum, you are all fab. :x

I think I have sorted it out, someone that I used to work with sent me a message on Facebook this evening offering me a lift home, I did invite her to be my +1 (after checking it would be okay with the bride first) but she declined and said she was just happy to help me out.

I definitely plan on getting her a very large bottle of wine to say thank you.

I am so happy now, thank you everyone.

SO glad it worked out for you, Shell, and you don't need debt to do it! Enjoy the wedding.

And how nice to know that you have a good friend who is happy to help you out for no other reason than they are happy to :)