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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To consider not going to my good friends wedding in three days because I don't know how I will get home.

144 replies

Shell85 · 27/07/2011 16:19

A friend of mine is getting married at the weekend.
She has picked a lovely hotel in the middle of nowhere to get married.
I had arranged for DS and I to get a lift there and back with someone, but they told me at the hen do last weekend that they can no longer give us a lift.
I have tried to find another lift, even asked the bride to ask people, but she said there is no one that can give me a lift that is coming from anywhere near where I live.
Rooms at the hotel are £180 a night, even with the wedding guest discount, and a taxi would cost over £100. Nether of which I can afford this close to the end of the month.
I even looked at public transport, but it wouldn't work either.
There are no other hotels around that are of a reasonable price either.
I have asked friends if anyone would be willing to drive me but no one is free.

I don't see any other way to get there and get home, I don't want to miss it but I don't know if I have much of a choice.
AIBU to not go because I don't think we could get home?
I know my friend would be hurt if I let her down. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Shell85 · 27/07/2011 20:04

I am going from north humberside to north Yorkshire.

I will check out liftshare.com, thank you.

half the problem was that I only know five people (excluding the brides sisters) who are going to the wedding, and these are five people I met at the hen do.

Before that I only knew the person who was going to give me a lift.*

I had suggested that the group getting a taxi might want to get a mini bus with me, but they said they would be happy to do that as long as I paid the difference (between a minibus and a taxi) which was fair since it would then not cost them any more, but the difference would be £40 each way, I thought maybe I could get the train there (and them just get the normal taxi there) and the minibus back, but they said the car that takes us is going to be waiting around all day to bring us back (which I didn't really understand), so it has to be a return journey or not at all.

I have just had someone suggest that I should post on all of the Facebook 'stuff for sale' type pages in the area looking for a room to rent for the night.
But when it is just me and the DS I think that might concerned me slightly.

OP posts:
skirt · 27/07/2011 20:11

I'm on N Yorks coast, where is the wedding?

Kayzr · 27/07/2011 20:14

I'm in N Yorks. I don't have much room but could work something out.

skirt · 27/07/2011 20:21

Come on....come on....where's the bloody wedding

LoopyLoopsTootyFroots · 27/07/2011 20:21

Ask on Freecycle?

skybluepearl · 27/07/2011 20:25

where abouts in yorkshire?

Ragwort · 27/07/2011 20:27

I think you need to decline gracefully immediately; unless you have lived in truely rural areas (and I have !) it is impossible to realise just how difficult it is to find a cheapish B & B/youth hostel etc and rural taxis cost a huge amount of money ......... surely your friend will understand, it is so unreasonable to have such a difficult venue to get to. It is just not worth all this anxiety.

skirt · 27/07/2011 20:30

look there are 3 of us showing an interest in doing a raok, least you can do is come back and smother us with gratefulness :o

uninspired · 27/07/2011 20:35

taxis apparently www.taxiclub.co.uk/en/aboutus.htm

ok think you're going to need to be a bit more specific about locations if you want us to help you

DrSeuss · 27/07/2011 20:36

Might be able to help if you'd just tell us where.

maswera · 27/07/2011 20:44

Tell us exactly where the wedding is (ie name of hotel) and I bet someone will be able to come up with something...

uninspired · 27/07/2011 20:45

Sorry that link should have said cheap taxis apparently it tags on to someone elses journey

Bue · 27/07/2011 20:51

This is a real shame, but it sounds as if you've let bride know and sought help in finding a solution. I know that if I were the bride and this were my good friend, I would do everything I could to get you to my wedding. People need to realise that if they're getting married in nowheresville, it can be next to impossible for those who don't have a car. (I'm getting married in nowheresville next year and am putting on transportation for this very reason.)

whostolemyname · 27/07/2011 20:54

YABU. It sounds to me like you dont want to go and you are looking for us to say its ok. Im with sausages. If you dont go you are letting the bride and groom down at the last minute and they will still have to foot the bill for you and your DS place.

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2011 21:00

whostole - what do you expect her to do exactly - she planned to go until the person she was getting a lift with let her down!

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2011 21:01

OP, MIL and FIL live in N. Yorks, I'm sure they wouldn't mind me subletting their spare room to a stranger and her baby. The ceiling is freshly artexed, and all the girlie pictures have been removed :o

scurryfunge · 27/07/2011 21:02

whostole....it will be paid for already. No one is letting the bride and groom down.

firefly101 · 27/07/2011 21:05

Check if the hotel the wedding is at has rooms for this weekend on laterooms.com ?
Last year we went to a wedding in an expensive hotel but booked rooms at a cheaper b&b, the week before found rooms at the hotel for less than we were paying for the b&b. Might be worth looking if the hotel isn't full.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/07/2011 21:05

What would you do then whostolemyname? You don't have the money for the taxi/hotel, there is nowhere cheap to stay nearby, you don't drive and no one else is going your way.

What miraculous suggestion are you going to make? I'm looking forward to this, you've obviously got it all sussed.

HerHissyness · 27/07/2011 21:07

So the one that was supposed to be giving you a lift, has attended the hen night, but bailed on the wedding as she has decided to go on a last minute holiday? Shock and this means that now ANOTHER guest will probably have to pull out at the last minute.

Bet she's popular with the bride.

OP, all you can do is your best, if you can't afford to stay over and £180 is a lot to find, or £100 taxi, you sadly have no option but to cancel.

It's not your fault, please don't blame yourself.

I suggest that whostole and sausages are actually rather ODD in saying you are BU. If the bride is miffed at anyone it ought to be the person that has decided that topping up her tan is more important than her friend's wedding, and thus letting both the bride and groom down, but also another guest and her DS.

bellavita · 27/07/2011 21:08

Pm me your whereabouts.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 27/07/2011 21:15

Maybe those who think the OP is BU can contribute towards the cost of the taxi? Hmm

toutlemonde · 27/07/2011 21:21

couchsurfing - lots of families do it (including me and my DS!) - look for the 'families welcome group' which is full of families who welcome other families to stay with them. Don't rule it out until you take a look!

edwinbear · 27/07/2011 21:40

Have you spoken directly to the venue? There may be staff working at the wedding who live in your direction, or possibly the bride's suppliers? Photographer, band etc? Grasping at straws a bit I know but just a suggestion.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/07/2011 21:45

Whatever you do, don't take out a payday loan, as advised somewhere on this thread. You will end up paying aroud 2500 percent interest.

You really have tried your damndest to go to this wedding and £180 for a room is a hell of a lot to fork out. If you can't afford it, just say so and send a lovely present and card.

And as for letting the bride down - you are not - the person ducking out at the last minute is.

If the cost of going to a wedding doesn't come down soon, I predict there will be couples getting married with no guests at all. :)