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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To consider not going to my good friends wedding in three days because I don't know how I will get home.

144 replies

Shell85 · 27/07/2011 16:19

A friend of mine is getting married at the weekend.
She has picked a lovely hotel in the middle of nowhere to get married.
I had arranged for DS and I to get a lift there and back with someone, but they told me at the hen do last weekend that they can no longer give us a lift.
I have tried to find another lift, even asked the bride to ask people, but she said there is no one that can give me a lift that is coming from anywhere near where I live.
Rooms at the hotel are £180 a night, even with the wedding guest discount, and a taxi would cost over £100. Nether of which I can afford this close to the end of the month.
I even looked at public transport, but it wouldn't work either.
There are no other hotels around that are of a reasonable price either.
I have asked friends if anyone would be willing to drive me but no one is free.

I don't see any other way to get there and get home, I don't want to miss it but I don't know if I have much of a choice.
AIBU to not go because I don't think we could get home?
I know my friend would be hurt if I let her down. :(

OP posts:
forehead · 27/07/2011 21:46

Yabu. She's a good friend and has tried hard to help. It's not her fault that you were let down.

whostolemyname · 27/07/2011 21:46

I guess im just more cynical than you lot in that im not sure how far i believe the story. So there isn't a single person that is willing to help to help out from the wedding party? Several people on here have very kindly offered to help but the OP ignore them. Sounds to be like not wanting to go as not knowing many people at the wedding. And of course the bride and groom will have already paid for the places. I feel sorry for the bride, if it really is a small wedding, 4 people not turning up is going to be very noticable.

mumblecrumble · 27/07/2011 21:48

Weddings can be really hard like that, what a shame.

keep trying but look, if you have to not go the bride will understand.

cjbartlett · 27/07/2011 21:49

Why do people arrange these weddings in the middle of nowhere
At least put on a bus at end of night to nearest town
Crap planning from the bride imo

cece · 27/07/2011 21:50

campin in someones garden

BluddyMoFo · 27/07/2011 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stillstanding · 27/07/2011 22:37

OP, I think that you have done everything that you can to get there. I am sure the bride will understand. Just phone her and have a proper chat and be suitably apologetic.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/07/2011 23:01

So the op is making it up because she's not keen for her and her son to spend a night on a compete stranger's sofa? That's a new one.

HipHopOpotomus · 27/07/2011 23:19

Would it be possible to get a lift TO the wedding, and use the money you have put aside to get there, to get home instead?

Perhaps a wedding guest or a friend can give you a lift there as a favour (for petrol contribution)? Might give you more possibilities to turn the problem around.

Hope you make it Smile

HipHopOpotomus · 27/07/2011 23:23

How about a cheeky ask of the hotel for a good deal on a room? It's quite last minute now, and hotels prefer to take a lower price than have an empty room for the night.

You'd still have to factor in the cost of travel home the next day though, so cost may still be an issue.

Original poster
Shell85 · 27/07/2011 23:39

Thank you everyone who has offered helpful suggestions, even more so to those who have offered to help personally.

Whostolemyname thank you for your opinion, but I have not ignored anyone, unfortunatly I had to go to work. But I do apologise profoundly to you or anyone that I may have offended by my inability to sit by the computer refreshing the page.
If I didn't want to go to my friends wedding do you really think that I would have spent time stressing about trying to sort something out? Would it not have made more sense for me to just made an excuse to get out of going?

The wedding is goldbrough hall, knarlsbrough.

OP posts:
bellavita · 28/07/2011 07:24
  1. What time is the wedding?
  2. Which bit of North Humberside do you live in?
  3. Could you get a train to say York?
porcamiseria · 28/07/2011 09:00

get a taxi, I know its £100 quid but mentally think if I save spending £25 a month on crap for the next 4 months, I have saved the money

this will be cheaper than a train plus BB combo, if needs be dont get as expensive a pressie

i had 2 mates weddings this weekends and altho I did mentally cringe at the money beforehand I had the BEST weekend

Original poster
Shell85 · 28/07/2011 09:17

The wedding isn't until 6pm, which makes ducking out early (futing the reception) no use as it would already be too late to get the train home.

It is getting from York home that is the issue, on the train I need to get a train from york to hull and then another from hull to Bridlington and then get a bus or a taxi to the town I live in.

The very last train leaves York station at 6.43pm

getting there is not a problem, I can easily get buses and trains during the day, it is just getting home that is the problem.

OP posts:
onadifferentplanettoday · 28/07/2011 09:30

As someone else has dropped out of the wedding would you be able to take a 'plus 1' with you who could do the driving ? Someone might be more willing to run you around if they could join in rather than just wait around for you.

Chandon · 28/07/2011 09:32

Hello OP, I don't know if you can drive? (I know you don't have a car).

How about renting a cheap car and bringing a tent, then after the wedding drive to nearest campsite?

or after the wedding you could walk (or taxi) to cheap pub place here, about 2 miles away:

www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g504004-d1126637-Reviews-Kestrel_Pub_Inn-Knaresborough_North_Yorkshire_England.html

CAMPSITES near Knaresborough :

www.ukcampsite.co.uk/sites/results3.asp?search=knaresborough&by=town

You ahve looked at trains, but have you looked at buses as well?

Keep us posted on what you'll do!

itsraining · 28/07/2011 09:38

I think that onaplanet's idea is a very good one. The bride will already have paid for a guest that's dropped out and your driver could take that up so at least you can be there for your friend. I'd have been fine with that suggestion if it had been put to me btw.

Original poster
Shell85 · 28/07/2011 10:14

I love your idea Onadifferentplanet, but it was already suggested and since it is an 'intimate' wedding, with only close family and friends, the bride wasn't too keen on it unless it was someone she knew.
But I suppose if it is that or me no going I think she would be okay with it, but I have already asked everyone, and with it being such short notice almost everyone is busy, I even put a lame request on Facebook!

Chandon, I already checked out that hotel/B&B, but they are fully booked. Thank you for looking though. And I don't drive at all, or own any camping stuff, which I imagine would be heavy and bulky, not to mention costly, but I will keep the option in mind.
I also did look at buses but The last possible bus was at a later time than the last train.

I am going to go down to the bank this afternoon and ask about adding an overdraft onto my account.
If I just have a little more money to work with I could probably afford a taxi and a hotel in York, with a train home the next day.

Thank you so much everyone for your help.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 28/07/2011 10:19

How come you're posting everything in bold, Shell85? It's like you're shouting at us all the time!

capricorn76 · 28/07/2011 10:51

Op please do not take out an overdraft or loan to attend a wedding, you will have to pay interest on it and why are you getting into debt over someone else's wedding? Madness!! I think some people get over excitied about weddings but it is only one day. If you can't afford it or can't get anyone to come with you last minute, decline and offer to make it up to them in some way like cook a meal etc.

If she's a good friend, she'll understand and to be honest the wedding will not be ruined by you not being there. Sometimes shit happens, it's nobodys fault. she's NBU for having a wedding where she is and YANBU to not be able to go. She will understand that you tried your best. I've had friends get married abroad or in remote places and I've just said I'm not going, simples.

I also wouldn't want to stay with a stranger, although the offer's a nice.

Original poster
Shell85 · 28/07/2011 10:53

Sorry, I saw someone else doing it, when they were the OP, it makes it easier to see when they had updated, I though it was a good idea so I did it on threads I started and it just became kind of a habit, sorry, I will stop. Blush

OP posts:
lesley33 · 28/07/2011 11:13

I would ring tourist info locally and ask about cheap b& b's or youth hostels close by that you can get a taxi to. Stress that you need as cheap as possible - a dorm bed in a hostel can be only £12 per night. You may need to stay somewhere that is in the opposite direction of where you live to find somewhere cheap with a cheap taxi ride.

DrunkenDaisy · 28/07/2011 11:23

I can't believe that some people are telling you to go into debt for this. That is so fucked up. Please don't do it OP, think of your DS's future.

I can't stomach all this 'the poor bride' shit. Get a fucking life people. This is a single mum and your recommending she get's into debt for a frigging wedding....???!!!

hocuspontas · 28/07/2011 11:38

Agree

lachesis · 28/07/2011 11:52

Just say no. You can't afford it. Do not take on debt. There is no wedding in the world worth getting into debt over, not a one.