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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why a whole family of four have to do the supermarket shop together

144 replies

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 10:09

Now I may be unreasonable but why is that mum, dad, and two small children have to go to the supermarket together. None of them seem to enjoy it; the children get in the way and bicker, the adults just seem to bicker and be irritated. This especially seems to be the case on Saturdays and Sundays. Why do people do this? Wouldn't it make more sense for one parent to do the shopping and the other to take the children to the park, for a walk or just chill out at home with them round the tv. It just doesn't seem to be a very effective way to use family time.

OP posts:

Pootles2010 · 27/07/2011 12:08

He gets all the stuff on the list big he jsut gets a load of other crap we don't want/can't afford.

Ormirian · 27/07/2011 12:11

Oh lord, if they are all having a lovely jolly time with no fighting and bickering amonst the DC and no DH rolling his eyes and stomping off in a strop then I don't blame them. Sadly that doesn't seem to be the case with most families I see (and mine if I was foolish enough to attempt it!).

I remember one occasion when DH came to pick me up from work and made the DC come with him. And then on the way home decided we would stop off and buy pizza for dinner. And them insisted we all go in to buy it because it's 'nice to do things as a family for one' Oh no it wasn't!

camaleon · 27/07/2011 12:13

Bluefergie: 'God it never fails to astonish me how many things I do that piss people off, and i never even knew about. Before coming on Mumsnet I never realised that it was a no no to let your kids eat in the supermarket or to sit in the trolley. And now it turns out I should only be going to the supermarket alone'

Totally agree. As much as I have learned the past few years here, I wonder whether I was happier before knowing how many people were constantly angry with me and my family.

Sapphirefling · 27/07/2011 12:13

YANBU.

The only thing that I enjoy about seeing bickering couples in the aisles is that it reminds me of one of the benefits of being single

UsingMainlySpoons · 27/07/2011 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 27/07/2011 12:15

YABVU - I do not drive and yet I like to do shopping. Sometimes I order online and sometimes I like to go to the store. It has never been a nightmare for me because my children behave and like to hel

BertyBurlington · 27/07/2011 12:16

i dont give a stuff if your kids eat their way around Tesco, or sit or stand in the trolley

what i do care about is if they get in my way, be a bloody nuisance and screech their lungs out when mummy dares to say no darling. there was a kid about 8 the other day screeching in such a way that made my ears bleed. The mother must have seen me wince cos she said oh jocasta darling, thats not nice

camaleon · 27/07/2011 12:17

Saphirefling, if you are single it would be very very unreasonable that you go shopping groceries with a husband and two kids.

PamBeesly · 27/07/2011 12:19

I think shopping together, making the food together, eating together and cleaning up is a labour of love and I would think if the parents had the patience to bring the children then its a good thing. I loved going shopping with my parents and siblings when I was younger, somedays there would be fights and tantrums but I still enjoyed it

Psammead · 27/07/2011 12:24

My DH is no whizz in the kitchen, but even he can shop by himself if needs be.

Those DHs who cannot do a weekly shop, with a list, I can only assume got left behind at home with their father when they were little

Re: the meal planning thing - we meal plan at home and make a list, but once in the supermarket we remain flexible. If, for example, steak is on the list, but pork chops are on offer, we decide to get them instead. Which means we don't want pork two days in a row, so we change sweet and sour pork to chicken. It's not always a case of either making it up as you go along or sticking to the plan, sometimes it makes sense to work around what there is on offer.

Sapphirefling · 27/07/2011 12:26

Camaleon - sorry am confused?

I still take the kids shopping - just don't have to put up with the miserable husband anymore

emptyshell · 27/07/2011 12:27

It's the reason we stopped going at the weekends - because it's like some massive family outing and it's never under-control kids but ones climbing shelves, running up and down aisles (always a great plan when people are pushing heavy, metal trollies along at kid-head-height) and it's just generally hell on earth.

startail · 27/07/2011 12:44

You know I've never really thought about we just do. Our big Tescos is a fair drive, so often breakfast at mac D or Costa, other large town jobs (which as other posters have said may require trying on or choosing by different family members). Supermarket last so stuff goes to fridge.
DH quite likes food shopping, I loose the will to live doing it on my own, he jollys me along. Logistics at the till far easier with 2.
DDs have always been pretty good and are now big enough to send of with a list of their own. If DD2 has a hand in planning meals there is slightly more chance she'll eat them.
If we weren't in the supermarket DDs would be staring at screens and DH would be computing etc. I'd end up doing housework.
Anyway, why would I want to shop or sit in the park without DH to chat to, he's at work all week.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 12:49

Is it possible, just possible, that you notice the misbehaving screaming kids, but overlook the well-behaved quiet ones?

camaleon · 27/07/2011 12:49

Sapphirefling... was just a joke. Did not work... I am not good at being funny in general, but I keep trying

I read the OP as targeted to persons who go shopping with kids when 'obviously' one adult could stay at home.

Sapphirefling · 27/07/2011 12:53

Camaleon - would it cheer you up if my first thought on reading your post was 'Didn't stop exs bit on the side from going shopping with him'

fanjobanjowanjo · 27/07/2011 12:57

I don't see why it's unreasonable to get pissed off with small children being annoying (climbing shelves, screaming, running all over the place without being checked) in a supermarket. Try thinking about it from somebody else's point of view - they are your darlings but when they behave like this they aren't anyone else's.

If you can keep them well behaved and under control there's no issue is there? I don't object to families in the supermarket, it's the ones with nightmare kids that are an issue.

MySweetPrince · 27/07/2011 12:58

I've noticed that Morrisons have started an advertising campaign promoting the whole family shopping experience as THE thing to do..........can only get worse.

Psammead · 27/07/2011 13:04

Do children really act that wildly in supermarkets? I have never in my life seen children screaming around (other than the odd toddler tantrum, which is just life) or climbing displays.

Good lord. I think these children need to spend less time at the playground and more time learning how to behave in public. I am not saying they should be seen and not heard - children are children. But climbing shelves is a little dangerous!

issynoko · 27/07/2011 13:05

No idea why it should bother anyone but I wouldn't go at the weekend anyway. I work from home though, and have 3 children at school and one due in Nov. DH works from home too so we go and do it at rndom non-busy times. Sometimes a child or two comes, sometimes not. The big gangs of kids the OP mentions might not be going as their weekly treat. Maybe they were going to do something else first - maybe they don't ALWAYS go together. Who knows?

Laquitar · 27/07/2011 13:12

YANBU to be angry about those who behave bad.

YABU to get pissed off with all of them

Children dont learn life only by running from one organised activity to other, it is good to participate in every day life.

whackamole · 27/07/2011 13:14

Well, we often shop as a family because we don't have a car. I can't carry loads of bags home alone, neither can OH so we have to take the buggy.

We very rarely go alone for this reason, although I often top up the shop during the week, just me and the boys.

WasSparklies · 27/07/2011 13:16

We all go because I'm responsible for the lunches during the week when DH works, and DH cooks the evening meals as he loves cooking (and food shopping as a result). As we only go once a week, often the choice of what I buy is restricted to the things there that day with the longest use-by dates - something you can't choose online.

The DC (3 of them) absolutely love going shopping, although I guess the 3 month old doesn't have that much of an opinion but the older two do. We generally keep them well-behaved but like any child they have the odd tantrum. If it's likely to bother anyone, one of us will take them outside until they've calmed down.

We also go on weekday evenings when it is much quieter, and there are no other shops/parks open nearby.

We could do two separate shops but that would be a waste of time. Plus I don't get out the house that often on my own with 3 DCs under 5 so yes, it is a highlight of the week for me as I enjoy it, and yes it is family time

YABU - Badly behaved children and rude/selfish adults are the real issue as has been mentioned.

camaleon · 27/07/2011 13:16

Thank you Sapphirefling... it helps..
I just thought you were having a terrible affair experience if you had to go with someone else's husband and kids to the supermarket.

MightyQuim · 27/07/2011 13:26

I sometimes go shopping with dh and the 2 kids. Usually when we are on our way back from somewhere. If the kids are awake they would rather walk around putting stuff in the trolley for me than be stuck in the car. They are generally very well behaved though.
YABU because it has nothing to do with you how other people organise their lives.

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