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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why a whole family of four have to do the supermarket shop together

144 replies

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 10:09

Now I may be unreasonable but why is that mum, dad, and two small children have to go to the supermarket together. None of them seem to enjoy it; the children get in the way and bicker, the adults just seem to bicker and be irritated. This especially seems to be the case on Saturdays and Sundays. Why do people do this? Wouldn't it make more sense for one parent to do the shopping and the other to take the children to the park, for a walk or just chill out at home with them round the tv. It just doesn't seem to be a very effective way to use family time.

OP posts:

bamboobutton · 27/07/2011 10:36

also on the rare occasions i have done the shop on my own dh always moans that i didn't get anything he likes.

berkshirefem · 27/07/2011 10:36

even if the cook can't drive, drive the cook there and then go and do something else!

Psammead · 27/07/2011 10:38

Shopping for food, being able to identify fresh produce, knowing what foods belong together, buying correct amounts, finding alternatives to things that have run out, thinking about prices and good deals, interacting with counter staff and other shoppers, planning meals, paying, unpacking at home...

Why wouldn't you take children shopping? It's a basic skill that children learn by going with you. You don't have to engage in 'loud parenting' if you don't like that. They watch and learn. Older children are a different matter, if the find it dull.

Original poster

marriedinwhite · 27/07/2011 10:39

dikkertjedap - I think you have missed the point which is that family time, imo, could be used far more constructively and I don't think intolerance gets much worse than a mother raising her voice in irritation to her child in the supermarket and the father getting involved in the same argument, esepcially when comments such as "you can't f have it" and "you can shut the f* up" all too often seem to be part of the overall exerience. Those sorts of comments are all too difficult to ignore - possibly along with the children on scooters in the aisles.

OP posts:

Poweredbypepsi · 27/07/2011 10:39

we sometimes all go, if both adults want to look at something in the shop or if we just both fancy going. TBH it wouldnt occur to me not to take the children or make special arrangments to let them avoid something just because they wouldnt enjoy it, sometimes we do stuff they enjoy sometimes we dont thats just how life is.

GrownUpNow · 27/07/2011 10:40

Fortunately our Asda is right next to a soft play place. We have an agreement that he takes them to play and I shop. I have in the past taken stroppy kids shopping and there is nothing nicer than a couple of hours to myself pottering around.

Groovee · 27/07/2011 10:42

I'd love to do my shopping myself but once the trolley starts to get full my arms can't move it because of my fibromyalgia. I need dh to push the trolley round. In term time we do it while dd is at her ballet class as we have over an hour. But in the holidays dh is rarely off and so weekends it is. But it's become good that dd is old enough now to take ds off to the games aisle or the books or toys for some of it. They also make their own pizza's in Asda so need them there and they're good at getting what I can't get cos I am unable to get that low.

berkshirefem · 27/07/2011 10:42

And more importantly why do so many people seem to be waiting until theyre in the actual supermarket before deciding what they're going to be getting?! For everyone who said - We both go so we can both choose what meals we have... YOU ARE GETTING IN EVERYONE ELSE'S WAY!
Plan, people, plan! Go in, buy, and get the hell out of there so everyone who doesn't see a trip to tesco as a flipping day out can get on with their lives!!!

oops

NessaRose · 27/07/2011 10:47

We all go as neither DH or I drive and 1 person cannot carry all of the shopping for 5 of us.
Tried online shopping once and the fruit was mankey, the milk was use by that day and half the stuff was not there.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 10:47

Surely meal planning, budgeting, list making, and being generally civilised are all life-skills that our children need to learn. What's not constructive about taking the kids shopping?

By all means complain about poor parenting in supermarkets (agree that telling children that "they can't fucking have it" is vile) or poor supermarket etiquette (blocking the aisle as a family group). But there's nothing wrong in principle.

And in our case we do alll genuinely enjoy it!

worldgonecrazy · 27/07/2011 10:52

cinnabarRed I think you have hit the nail on the head. It's not families going shopping together that is annoying the OP, but poor supermarket etiquette.

Morloth · 27/07/2011 10:52

The three men in my life would rather stick pins in their eyes then enter a supermarket.

So if we find ourselves at the mall and I need to get some stuff they go and sit in the car. I hate it when they are there and they hate being there.

Everyone is different though, I don't care if other people want to do go together.

Niecie · 27/07/2011 10:55

YABU - we do it together most of the time because I want to do it as I do most of the cooking etc and DH quite likes it and he buys his lunches for the week which have nothing to do with me and buys beer which I don't drink and know precious little about. We have always done the main shop together in the whole 18 years of being married. DC don't always want to go but they spend their pocket money and buy magazines so they go for that and are happy enough.

I agree with PoweredbyPepsi that we all have to do some things we don't want to. The DSs get to do what they want the rest of the day, on the whole so it is no big deal for them to be part of the one of our weekly chores. I don't get the idea that children shouldn't be involved in the nitty gritty of family life and never do anything they don't like. Besides, some weeks it is a bit of a pain but on the whole it is just what we do.

Pootles2010 · 27/07/2011 10:56

Hocus is right for us at least. I can't drive (yet) and dp is not to be trusted on his own. I know, I know, online shopping, but I'm not organised enough for that.

And i quite like a mooch around Waitrose and the little cafe at the end is really nice.

HampstersDontSwim · 27/07/2011 10:56

Good God!

What a thing to judge/feel Superior over......

I cant drive (DH can and I'm learning) and have 3 DC.

If I want to go food shopping with my lot then I bloody well will.

dreamingbohemian · 27/07/2011 10:57

In general YANBU but you never know why people might be there all together so it's not really reasonable to be judgey about it.

Some of the reasons on here are a bit surprising though... the whole family has to go shopping because Dad is hopeless at it? How is it possible that someone can hold down a job, pay the rent, drive a car, but not be able to look at a list and buy each thing on it? Genuinely not trying to be snarky but I honestly don't get it.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/07/2011 11:02

Just shop online, so much easier and no hearing the bickering or seeing naughty children. Never had a problem with any sell by dates or fruit in all the years i've done it online.

CareyHunt · 27/07/2011 11:02

We do it, all the time ( so there !)

I don't swear/ shout at the kids and no-one bickers. It takes 40 minutes...it's hardly taking over the kids' lives. There is plenty of time left for the park etc.

Buying food is part of family life. For my teenager it is an opportunity to have real life experience of budgeting/ meal planning. All our children get to plan/ cook 1 meal each week ( with appropriate help), so they like to choose the ingredients themselves. I totally agree with what Cinnabar and Psammead said.

It is upsetting to see bad parenting, but you also see that at the park, or the beach, or in softplay. Lots of families are perfectly capable of doing a necessary task together without fighting. Where are children supposed to learn these life skills?

Do say Hello if you see me out...I'll be the one in Waitrose with a husband and 3 children in tow!

SmilingHappyBeaver · 27/07/2011 11:02

YABVU.

My DH works away all week, we go shopping as a family at the weekends (3 DS's under 5). I see food shopping as a PITA, big chore. So I expect some bloody help, and it is far more efficient at the checkout if one of us loads onto the checkout at one end, and the other loads into the trolley at the other end... otherwise it takes twice as long. Not rocket science.

I don't particularly want to spend a chunk of my weekend on my own again looking after DS's, while DH goes off for 2 hours to do the shop. And I don't want to take them "to the park" because frankly the park is dull beyond belief, and if i have to take them to a park more than twice a month there is a very real risk my head will explode with boredom. So actually i'd rather be with them in a supermarket where I can talk to them about different types of food, healthy foods, prices and money, food from different parts of the world etc etc, so they learn something and know the difference between a cucumber and a bloody courgette.

lazylula · 27/07/2011 11:05

YANBU to wonder, but really it is none of you business how people choose to do their shopping. I mainly do it with the 2 youngest on a Monday, but we will sometimetimes do it together on a Sunday. I suggest you concentrate on your own shopping and let others get on with theres.

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2011 11:07

If it pisses you off that much, then you stay home and do your shopping on line.

Sometimes I take my DC into the supermarket, other times I do not. It depends upon what is convenient for me at the time. We might be on our way home from somewhere else or maybe the DC want to pick up a book or choose some sweets. Either way, it's our business and people with children have as much right to be in a public place as anyone else.

camaleon · 27/07/2011 11:08

I make an effort to take the kids with me to the supermarket and another adult helping out is welcome. I like my own kids to participate in the shopping, look at the prices, put vegetables on the scale, decide what is healthy and what is not. They like paying too (something encouraged at school this year -year1- to reinforce learning of the value of money/coins)

At times it is a very educational experience. Others it is painfully boring and stressful. I expect all of us to be able to behave under these circumstances and to find ways to cope with boredom. I do not care if others prefer to buy on-line or alone. It is not my preference and I cannot understand what bothers the OP and others about persons choosing to take children with them. It makes shopping much less boring for me too!!!

camaleon · 27/07/2011 11:10

Crosspost with SmilingHappyBeaver... but pretty much the same idea

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2011 11:11

Meant to add that children need to learn how to behave in places like supermarkets, because not all activities are 'fun' and geared around what children want to do. it's part of learning how to behave within society.

People don't always make lists because they buy things that are on offer. They won't know what those things are until they actually get there.

pointydog · 27/07/2011 11:12

You are so not BU.

Going to the supermarket is big-time no-fun. ANyone sensible would arrange it so that as few people as possible have to go.

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