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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off that DP has gone camping with 2 other girls and NOT been in touch?

162 replies

throwhimtothepanther · 27/07/2011 10:07

So... DP is a teacher and has commenced his six week holidays, he asked me if he could go camping with 2 of his FEMALE colleagues from work that he's only known for only one (academic) year. One girl I have never met and one I barely know! I reluctantly agreed. They even set up an (exclusive- no invite for me) facebook group to arrange said camping trip! So I left for work yesterday morning, no word from him, I text him at 3pm to ask if he'd set off yet. An hour and a half later he text me back to say he had no signal earlier (fair enough) but that he is switching his phone off so that he can call me later. Half past 9 at night and still no response. I had just returned from tea at my grandad's to find that he had even taken the only tube of toothpaste and left me without any! The house was in a mess (why do Men think it's ok to not do ANY housework? He's a teacher, he works less hours than I do, lives five minutes away from his place of work whilst I have to commute 40 mile round trip and still thinks that cooking tea is the be all and end of all of the housework, even though he's currently on holiday!). So (still no word) I text him this morning to say I hope for his sake he's been eaten by a black panther and that if I don't hear from him soon I'm going to start auctioning his things on ebay! So... Was I BU?

OP posts:

LillyTheMinx · 27/07/2011 10:35

What's up Brux?

nenevomito · 27/07/2011 10:35

Ah.

I think you mean "No, no! Just an adult who went to school."

HTH

worraliberty · 27/07/2011 10:35

A teacher at my DS's Junior School has just been 'let go' due to shagging two of the Mums. The funny thing is, it was an open secret that he was shagging them both...but apparently both Mums found out about the young NQT he took away for the weekend when he was supposed to be fishing and all hell broke loose!

piprabbit · 27/07/2011 10:36

Why are you calling the other people 'girls'? I assume they are in fact women with responsible jobs. Although they do all sound like they are reliving student days - heading off camping with mates. Is there some point to the trip (a shared hobby, visit to a specific event/place etc.) or have they just gone for the sheer fun of sitting around on a campsite with some beer?

You do sound very, very hacked off with your DP. Not just the camping but his whole lifestyle seems to be irritating you. If you don't trust him, then why did you agree to the camping trip?

I'm sure that the thought of returning home to an almighty row will nicely overshadow hid trip .

thisfantasticvoyage · 27/07/2011 10:37

OP's grammatical issues are the least of her problams. I'd be more worried the husband is involved in a Ménage à trois out in the sticks - the spawny bastard.

ledkr · 27/07/2011 10:37

Bruxeur it is you who is coming across as having s.e.n.

MooMooFarm · 27/07/2011 10:37

All a bit unneccessary IMO bruxeur

Back to you OP. I think you are amazingly easy-going to not mind your P going camping with two other women. I just don't get it TBH.... Have you not been together very long? Is he just the type of man who has lots of female friends? The going on holiday with 2 women aspect is strange enough, but the fact that it's camping just seems too 'cosy' for me. Why did he want to go with them? And why did they want him to go with them?

My H would never want to go camping with any women, including me. He gets too pissed off with my list of demands (ie close to shower block, private loo in tent, water & electricity supply, full make up box in suitcase, etc, etc) and thinks that if you're not stuck in a field in the middle of nowhere and crapping in a hole in the ground, it's not camping so don't bother . But then he's a very blokey bloke and doesn't have female friends anyway (other than mine, by association).

Each to their own tho....

thisfantasticvoyage · 27/07/2011 10:38

doh - PROBLEMS

madmn52 · 27/07/2011 10:38

Babyheave it's 'makes' actually.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/07/2011 10:39

Not all, no, bruxeur. Are you so unpopular that nobody will reply to any post of yours unless you make it inflammatory? How sad of you to take the time to critique grammar on a chatboard. Wow.

nenevomito · 27/07/2011 10:39

Nothing that exciting ever happens at my DS's school Worraliberty.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 10:39

I wouldn't have an issue with DH going on a camping holiday with 2 women I don't particularly know.

I would assume that the no-contact thing was due to either poor signal or preserving his battery to last the whole week. I would text to ask him to just confirm everything was OK (to stop me worrying about car accidents, etc), but otherwise wouldn't be concerned.

I'd be mildly annoyed about the toothpaste.

I'd be fucking livid about the housework. I'm his wife, not his servant.

MooMooFarm · 27/07/2011 10:40

Bruxeur Your last comments are horrible and show your ignorance.

cherryteat · 27/07/2011 10:41

'texted' really?
I personally prefer 'sent a text message' but each to their own.

OP, at the risk of appearing to make a sexist generalization my DH Would not even bother to ask if he could go camping with 2 women who were not our family! I wouldn't consider going with 2 blokes either, as single people then of course this'd be fine.
There are reasonable compromises which you make when you are in a serious relationship & have a family.
I suspect you reluctantly agreed because you didn't want to appear jealous and petty and now it's come back to bite you on the bum!
Hopefully it's all above board and out can have a serious discussion about boundaries and expectations when he comes home?

nenevomito · 27/07/2011 10:41

@ madmn52

I is not gooder than you at this grammer fing.

ledkr · 27/07/2011 10:42

Yes and as a cancer survivor i dont really appreciate the humour tbh,what a sad judgemental person you are,how i love being nice but with spelling mistakes

cjbartlett · 27/07/2011 10:43

babyheave - I'm loving your response to Bruxeur and corrected her grammar

do you and dh have kids togther ? I'm assuming not if you're going to SE Asia for a month?

I'd let this trip go but I'd say it's the last of them, no more solo trips with a couple of lasses

ledkr · 27/07/2011 10:43

Now fock of

nenevomito · 27/07/2011 10:43

To answer the OP. I'd not be worried about my DH going on a camping holiday with two other women. I's just be very pissed off that he'd not been in touch.

Then again, it depends to some extent on where he's camping, as if its remote the phone reception may be non-existent.

Ripeberry · 27/07/2011 10:47

Why did you let him go in the first place? I would be in the car and finding out where he was pronto! But maybe your relationship is not that important?

Leave a bin bag outside with all his stuff and change the locks.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 10:48

Seriously, Ripeberry? When there are plenty of reasonable explanations for why the DP might not have been in touch? OTT!

LadyFlumpalot · 27/07/2011 10:50

I gather from the original post OP, that your DH asked if it was ok? Presumably, since he has gone on the trip, you said yes?

I do think you may be being a tiny bit unreasonable to be now complaining that he has gone, when you said it was fine in the first place - couldn't you have said when he asked that the idea of him going away with two female colleagues that you hardly knew made you uncomfortable?

On an aside - I really, really don't get this attitude that people won't allow their husbands/partners/wives etc to go away/meet up/be friends with members of the opposite sex in case something happens. Don't you trust them? Sure, the other party may make a move, but surely your partners are capable of saying no? Isn't it just really, really hard work?

Disclaimer - I have a stinking cold and a teething baby with the runs - my punctuation/grammer is not perfect - frankly, I don't give a toss

BEAUTlFUL · 27/07/2011 10:51

He doesn't sound very keen on you. Why do you live with him without getting married?

But anyway, for God's sake stop texting him, stop contacting him at all. They'll all be laughing at you in that tent. He'll be all cocky and full of himself, "Oh no, I'm in the doghouse for not being in touch, she needs to hear from me every day because she loves me SO much, she can't exist without messages from me. Look! She's gone nuts! she says she'll sell my stuff. Ha ha ha! What a nutter!" Yuck.

STOP contacting him. STOP even replying to anything if he does deign to contact you from his canvas hotbed. Let him wonder about you for a change.

And if you're wondering, he doesn't clean up the house because you've proved that you'll stay with him whatever he does, be that not cleaning, going away with two women, or shacking up with you for convenience but giving you no legal commitment whatsoever.

Is this good enough? Really? Reeaallllyy?

harrietthespook · 27/07/2011 10:51

They set up a facebook group for their trip? Please God you're sure it's not STUDENTS he's gone with.

CinnabarRed · 27/07/2011 10:52

My XH was bisexual, as were many of his friends. If I didn't "let" him go out with his male or female friends the poor sod would have had to spend his life in the house!

As you say, LadyFlumpalot, at some point you have to trust your partner.

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