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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think christenings are about the religion not the church and party

73 replies

biddysmama · 26/07/2011 11:10

my friends been talking about getting her baby christened but she doesnt know where yet because she hasnt chosen a church yet Hmm

apparently a naming ceremony isnt the same as a christening, i dont see the point in a christening if you arent planning on following the religion

OP posts:
charleneanne · 26/07/2011 11:13

all mine been christened but the parties were great never been in a church apart from that sorry

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/07/2011 11:14

YABU ... It's up to the individual. Lots use churches solely for births marriages and deaths and the ones who run them don't seem to mind much. Think if they made 'being religious' a condition, they'd lose too much business.

basingstoke · 26/07/2011 11:15

It's a rite of passage. I do get that, even though I have a religious faith myself. I have no beef with what other people choose to do. And we had a big party too!

cazzybabs · 26/07/2011 11:16

It depends upon the vicar ... mine won't christen babies unless you attend church regulary and ensures godparents are themselves christened

VampiresReflection · 26/07/2011 11:16

In my area you cannot choose a church. You have to live within it's catchment area. If you want somewhere more picturesque then you need to meet with the vicar who releases you to the other church.

YANBU

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2011 11:17

YANBU.

Ladymuck · 26/07/2011 11:17

Naming ceremonies aren't that common yet. When someone starts a family they want to celebrate both the new life and the new unit that they have become. Certainly for anyone who has got married in a church I completely see why they want their children to be christened - it is still one of the most common ways of being received into the wider community.

If someone is religious then the ceremony will have a slightly different meaning for them. Though to be honest most church-going Christians that I know don't tend to believe in "christening" infants these days. Instead they have thanksgiving services or dedications and then allow the child to be baptised when they are older if they want to do so.

Until there is a "registry office" equivalent of a christening or dedication, I can totally understand why people who otherwise do not attend church would still want their child to be christened.

MrsKravitz · 26/07/2011 11:17

We had a party after the church as its not just about the religion as such. Its also about welcoming the child to the whole christian family. So a party is apt.

begonyabampot · 26/07/2011 11:18

it's sort of cultural sometimes rather than just religion though. And nothing wrong with using things like , christenings, weddings, funerals etc as a way of getting family together to have fun or celebrate someone life. I had mine christened but was partly to get them into the good local school and because it had always been done in our family, also as we live far from family an friends it was out only time we got to get everyone together to celebrate our children an introduce them to wider family.

AKMD · 26/07/2011 11:20

It does seem a bit odd to me but most churches are happy that people show any sign of interest in religion at all and the funds do go towards the upkeep of the church for the 'regulars'. That said, I know of several local CofE churches that won't Christen a baby unless the family goes to church regularly - one refused to do my friend's baby because they didn't go to church, despite the fact that three generations of her family, including her, had got married there and her grandparents were regular attendees.

I think having a 'naming ceremony' is quite a good compromise. A full-on Christening involves Godparents and parents making a commitment to give the child a Christain upbringing and if thye don't intend to do that, it seems a bit hypocritical. I've never been to one but I'm guessing that a naming ceremony wouldn't involve such a commitment.

AKMD · 26/07/2011 11:21

Oh, and YANBU.

vigglewiggle · 26/07/2011 11:23

YANBU. It is a religious ceremony, not a pre-amble to a party. If you want to have a party, have a party. But don't be a hypocrite.

Tanif · 26/07/2011 11:24

YABU - if the churches did it for purely religious reasons they would only christen/marry/bury their own congregation and wouldn't take a fee for doing so. It's a nice day out and excuse to buy the child a nice new outfit. Ditto weddings; I'm not religious but I'd have a church wedding because the photographs would look nicer.

Pootles2010 · 26/07/2011 11:27

Do you mean you think a naming would be preferable for non-religious families? Or that they are pointless?

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2011 11:28

All churches I know do only christen/marry/bury only their own congregation. Usually in the case of christenings and marriages after some sort of preparation course has been attended.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 26/07/2011 11:28

It's perfectly possible to have a naming ceremony for a baby without involving gods or superstitions. And there are plenty of nice locations and picturesque buildings that can be hired for your ceremony and party.

Bue · 26/07/2011 11:29

The church is still a significant part of our culture, whether or not people really believe or participate on a weekly basis. I don't have a problem with people going to church for the significant moments in life. Do you really think all Jews who have a bris or bar mitzvah for their children are devoutly religious? I can assure many, many are not.

Tanif · 26/07/2011 11:30

Lynette my understanding was as long as you showed up for a set number of weeks you were accepted? I know for a fact SIL is not a church goer but got married in a church and christened her DS there.

sleepindogz · 26/07/2011 11:30

same as a church wedding isnt it - all about the glitz and who buys what, and nothing to do with the commitment

sims2fan · 26/07/2011 11:30

I personally don't understand why a non Christian would want to get their child Christened. If you want a 'Christening' then surely you need to believe in God and Jesus? If you don't, then why not organise a naming ceremony? That said, if someone does get their child Christened, then I think it's lovely, as I am a Christian. My vicar does the Christenings during the normal Sunday service, which I love to see. What I don't love is when the families and friends have no respect for those of us that do believe, and act like they're already at the after party. Kids are allowed to run screaming up and down the aisles, people get up and go and talk to someone in another pew while the vicar is speaking, people sit and chat, loudly, all through the sermon, mobile phones go off and are answered, etc. If you are really against a religion then fine, stay away from the service, but if you are happy to attend then have some respect. I don't expect people to join in and say words they don't agree with, but at least have the decency to sit still and listen, and keep your children under control!

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2011 11:31

I attended on absoultly lovely naming ceremony, in a gorgeous setting. The setting was actually more visually romantic than many modern churches IMO, and the photos were lovely.

OhHelpOhNo · 26/07/2011 11:32

YABU if the " church" is so unaccessible and judgemental how will it attract more members....I'm really saddened to see this opinion so much

begonyabampot · 26/07/2011 11:33

because it's tradition and cultural. Also made my Mil very happy.

LynetteScavo · 26/07/2011 11:35

I think a lot of people do believe in God/Jesus, but just don't ever attend a church. It's not as clean cut as people who don't go to church are not in any way religious.

But I suppose people can "play" at being religious for a bit in order to be able to use the church.

BimboNo5 · 26/07/2011 11:36

YANBU- many people with absolutley zero respect for religion just do it for a big shin dig and a 'awww look at da luvvly baybeee' type affair.