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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think christenings are about the religion not the church and party

73 replies

biddysmama · 26/07/2011 11:10

my friends been talking about getting her baby christened but she doesnt know where yet because she hasnt chosen a church yet

apparently a naming ceremony isnt the same as a christening, i dont see the point in a christening if you arent planning on following the religion

OP posts:

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 26/07/2011 13:02

Yes it worked. (Pats self on back). I got them in to a great school.

Markandkark · 26/07/2011 13:05

Was it as simple as just getting them Christened, doll?
Or was some regular church attendance required as well?

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 26/07/2011 13:09

Not that simple, no. I did have to attend regularly. The DCs were at primary school at the time and they enjoyed church and learnt lots. Once they were both in a good secondary school I stopped attending regularly.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 26/07/2011 13:10

I'm sure Jesus would have approved

Pootles2010 · 26/07/2011 13:11

Very suprised a school accepted them having being christened in primary school!

OiMissus · 26/07/2011 13:16

Flippin' heck! Interesting points raised here!
I am no longer religious, but was brought up with Sunday school, brownies, guides, and was christened and confirmed (CofE), and I went to a CofE primary school.
I would feel uncomfortable making promises to bring up our child with Christ. (Although I do believe that the stories in the bible are great for teaching kids the difference between right and wrong)
I'm expecting our first in december, and have been stunned by the amount of friends/family (non-christians) who have been asking who we will choose as godparents!
It would be easier to not get the child christened to avoid putting someone's nose out of joint by not choosing the expected people! And I'd pretty much decided this. Even though it will upset my parents.
But now you mention about getting your child into a better school...
And I would like my child to go to a church school - to have those good stories and examples - and to get involved in the wider communiity (brownies etc).
As I said at the beginning, Flippin' heck!
BUT - and this is important - if we choose to christen our child, I absolutely refuse to hold a big party afterwards to show off. If anything, I'd invite family and a few close friends to a small get-together at the house.

AMumInScotland · 26/07/2011 13:18

Doll - I agree - I'm pretty much sure that Jesus would have been horrified by people being able to get into better schools on the basis of either baptism or church attendance. Really not the kind of thing he would have approved of!

Pootles2010 · 26/07/2011 13:20

Surely you don't want your dc to hear all the stories from the bible Oi? Some pretty nasty stuff in there.

A lot of Church schools let in (gasp) heathen children as well, its worth checking first, and certainly Brownie groups won't insist on a christened child, although some might encourage attendance at church parade.

TandB · 26/07/2011 13:29

I am not at all religious but will happily attend weddings and christenings in people's local churches because I think there is more to the local church than just religion - it was traditionally the heart of the community and it is an opportunity for the community to share in an important life event.

However, I have declined christening invitations where I know perfectly well that the parents have no religious motivation whatsoever, and no link to the church being used. A christening involves people making promises before a god that most people in the congregation believe in. If they don't believe in that god themselves then it seems like a bizarrely pointless way to welcome a child into the world, and slightly disrespectful to those around them who do believe.

I am waiting for SGB to pop up and mention her "imaginary friend" theory on religions. You wouldn't go into someone's house and promise to raise your child in accordance with the wishes of their child's imaginary friend, so why go to church and promise to follow the edicts of a god that has no more reality for you than that imaginary friend?

sleepychunky · 26/07/2011 13:35

I am a Christian, DH is not. I go to church every week and take the DCs with me if DH is working on a Sunday.
We decided not to have a christening (although I personally would have liked it) because DH was not willing to stand up in church (as all parents and godparents have to do) and say that he a)believes in God; b) repents of his sins; c) renounces evil. He felt that would be hypocritical as he doesn't believe in God and isn't sure about the repenting of sins and renouncing evil either.
I admire him for his stance - we had thanksgiving ceremonies instead (still in church) in which the vicar simply thanked God for the safe arrival of our boys and blessed them, neither of which actions DH had any objection to.
We were happy with the compromise.
At our church any parents wishing their children to be baptised must attend baptism preparation courses for a number of weeks. All our baptisms happen on the third Sunday of the month in the morning service, and there are normally 3 or 4 families at a time. 75% of them never set foot inside the church afterwards.
OP, I agree with you - there are plenty of other options if you want to celebrate your child's arrival and welcome them into the family.

EdithWeston · 26/07/2011 13:43

YANBU - to the extent that at heart it is a sacrament and the religious vows are the whole point.

But I think the Church should welcome all, and if someone wants their child christened then it should happen regardless of the precise level of belief and observance of the family and Godparents.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 26/07/2011 13:50

It amuses me how the Christians always seem to want it both ways. Obviously all religion is and has always been a racket for the benefit of the priests and powerful vested interests, but on the one hand, the buckethead Christians are forever insisting that their superstitions are given SPESHUL status ie alllowed to impact on the lives of people who really don't give a toss on the grounds that this country is culturally Christian - and then on the other hand they are whining when some of that percentage who are 'culturally Christian' want to participate in a cultural activity like having a wedding/naming ceremony in a church.

startail · 26/07/2011 13:55

YANBU
DH and his family are C of E, me and mine aren't. We got married in his church, by a lovely vicar who was well aware of this.
(This is in the dark ages, no nice hotels allowed)
I would never have asked him to christen the DC because I knew he gave out a leaflet asking exactly the same question as the op.
"Why baptise a child if you yourself are not a believer, cannot honestly say the creed and promise a church going upbringing to the child?)
He did give DD1 a beautiful blessing, welcoming her into the world and thanking God for her safe arrival in church on Easter Sunday and we had our party after that.
DD side of the family got to show their GD to their friends and the comfort of seeing her in church and I didn't have to lie.
It wasn't planned, we were there on holiday.
Our families live 200 miles apart so my lot had no trouble about not being involved. They fuss the DCs in their way.

Bue · 26/07/2011 14:38

Precisely Springchicken! Either the country is culturally Christian or it's not. And if it is then you have to accept those who treat the church as primarily cultural, not religious. FWIW, none of the serious churchgoers I know have any problem with this - most people are perfectly happy to see newcomers even if it's fleeting.

sleepy, I'm interested in why you chose the thanksgiving ceremony over a christening with only you and the godparents standing up with the baby? No obligation for your DH to do so - he could have sat in the pew and watched the actual baptism. I think you chose a nice compromise though!

sleepychunky · 26/07/2011 14:45

Bue we couldn't agree as DH would have wanted some of his friends to be godparents and I would have insisted on people saying the vows who actually meant them and believed them, so there would have been no end of arguments as all the godparents would have had to have been from my side of friends/family.

OrangeHat · 26/07/2011 16:06

Agree with SGB

basingstoke · 26/07/2011 16:11

Some Christians SGB. Some of us, as I said, view it as a rite of passage and have no issues with it.

MothershipG · 26/07/2011 16:32

As mentioned above the point for many is access to church schools.

As long as schools are allowed to discriminate on the basis of faith, or lack thereof, you can not be surprised if some forward thinking parents have their children christened.

On that note a child I know recently failed to get a place in the High School his brother already attends because his parents had failed to have him baptised before he was 6 months old.

redexpat · 26/07/2011 16:42

OP I hear you. I have really put my foot down with DC1s Christening and have said we will invite minimal relatives only. I believe in doing things for faith and faith alone. If you don't have faith, do something else.

You should see the confirmation parties here - they're fairly obscene IMO.

begonyabampot · 26/07/2011 19:23

what's wrong with doing it and using it as an excuse to get family and friends together? The folk at out shindig rather enjoyed themselves and the food. I don't have faith or belive in God but I'm not anti religion as it can play a part in the community. I don't have a problem with my children having access to religion and making their own minds - i thought getting them baptised and thus accessing a catholic school and all that would entail would give them that chance. In the end we didn't go down the catholic school route. I still take them to churches though for christmas and they attend for festivals with the school -as I want them to experience these things, plus I like churches and the music and hymns - shoot me.

Pootles2010 · 27/07/2011 09:24

Sorry Begony but i really don't see the argument that getting them baptised gives them a choice?! My mil said that to me, and i really didn't get it then.

Surely you're choosing their religion for them?

lesley33 · 27/07/2011 09:34

YANBU - Of course a christening should be about the religion. But i do think people can believe and call themselves Christains, without regularly going to church. And I think its fine for these people to get their child christened.

Any christenings I have been to were about the religion with only a very small party afterwards.

InstantAtom · 27/07/2011 10:23

So your friend is still choosing a church OP. Maybe she wants to find somewhere where she likes the vicar, feels comfortable and thinks it will be welcoming to her friends and family. Why jump to negative, judgemental conclusions? I agree with those who say this can be a good time for people to be re-introduced to church and I think they should be welcomed.

However, I do also think that the point of a christening is to welcome the child into the church and agree to bring them up in the Christian faith. So if there is no plan to do this, it does seem hypocritical. Even so, why deny the child the welcome into the church just because of the parents?

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