Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think christenings are about the religion not the church and party

73 replies

biddysmama · 26/07/2011 11:10

my friends been talking about getting her baby christened but she doesnt know where yet because she hasnt chosen a church yet Hmm

apparently a naming ceremony isnt the same as a christening, i dont see the point in a christening if you arent planning on following the religion

OP posts:
OrangeHat · 26/07/2011 11:38

What begonyabampot said.

YABU.

Sleepyspaniel · 26/07/2011 11:42

I think in today's day and age it's nice that some people still want to get their babies christened in church, it is hundreds of years old ceremony that will die out unless people continue to want to do it and are allowed to do it.

As a nation we have got more technological, multicultural and international and the local church is now a lot less of a focal point so it's good that people still want to marry and get christened in church than have most of them close down. Lots of people don't go to church but are believers and were bought up in the Christian faith (eg my primary and secondary school were not faith schools BUT we sang hymns, learned Scripture, celebrated Easter etc) so it felt natural to me to get married and have my DC christened in church even though I am not a regular church goer although we do attend sporadically.

eurochick · 26/07/2011 11:43

I completely agree with this post from viggle:

"YANBU. It is a religious ceremony, not a pre-amble to a party. If you want to have a party, have a party. But don't be a hypocrite."

vividgingerchilli · 26/07/2011 11:44

you have to have your baby christened in the local church unless they agree to you having the baby christened elsewhere because of a connection with the church - for example if you want them christened where you got married but it isn't your local church any more.

AMumInScotland · 26/07/2011 11:45

I do wonder how people can agree to things like "Will you pray for them,
draw them by your example into the community of faith and walk with them in the way of Christ?" if they don't actually have any religious faith themselves.

If you can say these things with at least some truth to them, then fair enough. But if you have zero intention of doing any of it, then why are you standing up in public and saying it?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 11:46

YAB a bit U. Assuming we're talking C of E, there are usually at least a couple in each area. So choosing between one that is half a mile to the left or half a mile to the right isn't such a big deal, assuming that's what you meant.

I'm Catholic but I wasn't baptised in my parish church. My dad had a row with the parish priest, told him to get knotted and they found another church to take me to.

smoggii · 26/07/2011 11:48

I went to a cousin's childs christening and it was obvious that 95% of the people there only set foot in a church for a hatch, match or dispatch. The church handed out laminated cards with appropriate responses on it and the vicar referred to the baby as 'This Child' because it appeared he didn't see the point in learning his name...fair enough as he's unlikely to see him again. It seemed to be something to be endured so they could have a party so most of the guests were also dressed like they were going clubbing Shock

My parents were 'devastated' that we have chosen not to baptise our child, even though they don't go to church, they are believers, that is their choice but they know how I feel about that.

We are having a 'Welcoming ceremony' for our DD. We are having a daytime party and there will be a short ceremony (led by a Humanist celebrant) where we welcome our little one into our family and our wider community of friends, recognise 'guideparents' and thank our family and friends for support. That suits us, but it's not for everyone. I'm hoping that on the day my parents will enjoy it so much they forget about the fact that we didn't swing by the church for an hour on the way to the party!

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 26/07/2011 11:49

Society is fickle. It's all about the show, rarely about the words.

MindtheGappp · 26/07/2011 11:50

The CofE can't refuse baptism, marriage and a funeral for anyone who lives in the parish.

They are not making any money out of baptism. The only charge is for the baptism certificate, which is optional.

They may make it difficult for non-church families, making them jump through a few hoops, such as attending a baptism course, and strongly encouraging participation in other church events in order to give the parents enough information to be able to make the promises.

Dawnybabe · 26/07/2011 11:51

Same with me Sleepy, we had a religious upbringing. School, church and sunday school so would have been odd if we didn't have our children christened. It's more of a cultural thing than a need to present your child to god or whatever. And personally I don't really feel the need to live my life according to a thousands-of-years-old fairy story, but the church is a traditional meeting point and it's a lovely old building with lots of family history so I guess we are just moving with the times.

Bue · 26/07/2011 11:53

Have any of the holier-than-thou posters given any thought to the fact that a christening can sometimes bring a family back to church? There will always be a minority who want the christening for nothing more than show, but I bet there is some religious sentiment in most couples who bring their children for baptism. I find this snotty, unwelcoming attitude pretty sad.

Sassybeast · 26/07/2011 12:00

YANBU. There are plenty of people happy to stand at the front of a church and lie. But it's worth it for the buffet innit Wink

OrangeHat · 26/07/2011 12:13

"They are not making any money out of baptism. The only charge is for the baptism certificate, which is optional."

They make money out of

  1. The collection which will be increased by additional people there for a christening, and who may be quite generous as they don't go that often &/or feel a bit guilty about it
  2. The fact that although the only compulsory charge is for the certificate, it is expected/suggested/known that a large donation should be forthcoming from the parents

Plus it is something that regular churchgoers enjoy - a bit of a change, more people, baptism is a lovely ceremony

I don't see why people get so grouchy about it TBH. It's a nice thing, having a baby in church being baptised. I like it.

fanjobanjowanjo · 26/07/2011 12:13

Until there is a "registry office" equivalent of a christening or dedication, I can totally understand why people who otherwise do not attend church would still want their child to be christened.

There already is this service available (I know as I was at the office recently and they had leaflet sin the reception about it). They also offer "welcoming" services for couples who adopt.
I think you should only get Christened at church if you are a religious believer yourself, regardless of whether you regularly go or not.
I wouldn't bother with it as I'm not religious, I'd have the naming and welcoming ceremony though, and a HUGE party.

fanjobanjowanjo · 26/07/2011 12:16

Have any of the holier-than-thou posters given any thought to the fact that a christening can sometimes bring a family back to church?

So true, my SIL had to go to church regularly in order to get married there, (two years ago) and has just been confirmed into the church as it just clicked for her when she started attending.

drcrab · 26/07/2011 12:16

YANBU.

vigglewiggle · 26/07/2011 12:17

I don't know if I'm included in the "holier-than-thou" category, but I think it is clear that it is those who have no interest in the church, other than as a nice back-drop, that are being discussed here. I imagine good Christian folk welcome any and every genuine worshipper or those who are curious about faith.

But don't let my opinions tarnish their image, because I am not a believer and I do not go to church. Hence, I did not get married in a church and I did not get my children christened.

OrangeHat · 26/07/2011 12:20

And how exactly do people think they call tell by looking whether someone believes in god or not?

Or are assumptions being made based on the way people look? ("most of the guests were also dressed like they were going clubbing").

How very christian.

birdofthenorth · 26/07/2011 12:21

Yanbu. Some of my friends objected to DD's Christening being "too religious". What did you expect? It's a Christening!! It's a religious ceremony for religious purposes.

Plenty of other lovely ways to celebrate a new arrival if you don't believe in baptism or a faith based upbringing.

drcrab · 26/07/2011 12:32

I don't see why babies/children should be christened if they (their family) aren't believers in Christ?

I cannot imagine say finding that a particular mosque is so beautiful and expect that the imam will hold a ceremony to welcome my child into the muslim world just because I think the mosque 'will make a pretty backdrop'?!! 'yes, please can I have my child's naming ceremony at your mosque because I think it's really pretty?! and no, I'm not a muslim, but please will you do that??'.

Pootles2010 · 26/07/2011 12:37

It's not really the same situation though drcrab. Most people who have a church christening come from a Christian family, that is their tradition and culture.

I'm sure there are plenty of muslims who don't go to Mosque every Friday but turn up for weddings and... not sure what the equivalent of Christenings is!

Markandkark · 26/07/2011 12:52

The Christening ceremony involves the parents and godparents making some pretty specific public promises regarding renouncing the Devil, and promising to turn to Christ, and raise the child within a Christian lifestyle. IIRC.
They are solemn vows, and I find it surprising that so many people find it so easy to make them, in full view of family and friends, with absolutely no intention of following them. If you do not believe, that is your right, of course. But civil naming ceremonies are available. A Christening is not actually a naming ceremony, it is a public declaration of faith, and a desire to raise your child within the faith, and so is not something to be treated so lightly.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 26/07/2011 12:56

It wasn't about the church or the party for my DCs. It was about getting them in to a decent school so they could have an education.

Pootles2010 · 26/07/2011 12:59

Gosh. Least you're honest doll - if only to us rather than to the vicar/congregation/school.

Did it work?

supergreenuk · 26/07/2011 13:01

It's about tradition more than anything in my view.

I am a Christian and don't feel the need to have my children christened as I believe they should choose baptism when they are old enough to make that decision and this is a decision biblically based.