My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

[KattyB]

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

Have you phoned the hosts yet?

I would LOVE to know how you can get every parent ( bar one) to collect their child early or exactly on time and tidy up , get all teh presemts etc in the car and leave the premises 4 minutes aftre the official finishing time

It sounds to me like a failure in communications. Parents though the venue organisers would look after him. Venue didn't realise they had left him in their care.

Whatever happened I wouldn't feel the need to 'throw the book' at anyone. Your boy is fine. The worst didn't happen. What do you want to acheive by throwing the book at them? I would contact the venue just to let them know that this has happened and that they should be aware so that it doesn't happen agan.

So those of you who think the DH is partly/wholly to blame: The OP rings the hosting parents, who say 'Oh yes, well party had finished, and you were late, so we left your DS as we had to go'. OP says 'It's a fair cop, we were to blame, sorry for bothering you'.

Having said that I do find it hard to beleive that any hosting parent would allow this to happen. Which is why I can only think it was a failure of communications and any angry words would be a waste of time.

Agree with Ormirian I can't see what is to be gained by ringing the parents except to ensure that your DC never gets another party invite from that child's parents, the venue should be told though.

they probably didn't knowingly let it happen but it was still totally preventable. I would be very angry if that had been my five year old..

If party finished at 2pm and your husband was there at 5 past there is no way that they would have cleared up left the car park at that time.

I am guessing that the party finished a bit early and all the other parents were there a few mins early and that is how the place had emptied by 5 mins past.

But you must bear some of the responsibility for what has happened here.

Yes they shouldn't have been late but it happens all the time. The parents throwing the party should realise and accept this. People hit traffic/get held up etc. It is no excuse for not doing your responsibility of ensuring a child is safe.

OP. I do think you should tell the parents what happened. They probably didn't do it on purpose but should be aware.

I think in theory it is fair enough to say 'your child, your responsibility' but in practice? No way.

I can't imagine in a million years giving a party and leaving a child behind because someone was late to pick him up. I just wouldn't do it.

5 is a difficult age. Some children are ready to be left and some aren't.

At my DS's 6th birthday most parents left their children but not all. The ones who did leave gave me their mobile number. My SIL and two of my best friends stayed to help plus the staff.

I waited until everybody was collected - I had a list and ticked them off!!

Seriously, who would leave a 5 year old at a party venue because the party had ended and the parent was late? Only on MN...

Usually the mobile no/phone no is on the invite. The DH may have forgotten the invite when going to pick up, which is why he didn't call as late or call them once he got there and found his child 'abandoned', but surely you could call them once at home. I find it strange someone would have no phone numbers for any of the mums/dads of the children at the party, or the party child's parents, or not have left their own phone number at the venue.

But there shouldn't be any assumptions made when you're dealing with children of that age. It's your responsibility to account for all of the children left in your care. There shouldn't be any opportunity for a child to be swept out with others, or wander round outside on their own. The fact he was given a party bag speaks volumes. That, as far as I can remember, is done at the end, so as far as they were concerned, their job was done.

Yes of course the OP's DH should have had contact numbers etc. But ultimately, the boy was in someone else's care and they took their eye off the ball.

I've never hosted a children's party and I don't even HAVE children, but if I was at a party and saw a small child on their own, with adults pissing off in all directions with their own kids, I would not go anywhere until I knew that child was accounted for and safe. Isn't it just common sense?

Right after reading through all posts I think the venue and the hosts were at fault.

KattyB as you asked the hosts whether you should stay and they said no then you were right to assume that your child would be supervised. Leaving a child in a carpark is not ok. I also think the venue has a responsibility to safeguard all children. It is offering a service and must provide responsibility.

Do you think the hosts were waiting in the carpark and only left when they saw your dp approaching? This would be ok but i personally would have waited and spoke to your dp if only to say thank you for coming he has been fine.

I had a bad experience once when a mother whom I thought I could trust took my dd to the cinema. She assured me that there would be adult supervision- her plus her dp plus her older child to look after approx 6 children (including 2 of her own). I asked her if she was absolutely sure that I didn't need to go and she said oh yes.
My dd later told me that the mother let my dd go to the toilet on her own, meaning she came out of the cinema alone!!! it it a very big complex within a leisure venue, and she got lost! She was in year 1 at the time and only just 6.

I was soooo angry, actually I am still angry tbh and my dd is now 14!!!!!

To those who think the OP/OP's husband are responsible, read The Children And Young Persons Act 1933.

It states that a person can be prosecuted for wilful neglect if they leave a child unsupervised ?in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health?. It also states that this applies to 'any person who has care of him'.

In other words, what the party hosts have done is criminal. Literally.

I cannot believe the number of people who have said that it's all the op fault that she was late, her child her responsibility etc. What a load of crap. Once the party parent accepts responsibility for that child being left with them, the adult is therefore in loco parentis until the childs parents caregivers come andthey are handed over to them. It does not matter if the parents are 5 mins late or 5 hours late, you don't just leave them there. Imagine if teachers did that with late parents there would be uproar. There are many reasons as to why a parent might be late, they could have been in an accident or taken I'll in hospital and unable to get to a phone.

I agree pigletmania.

I cannot believe that it actually happened, but there you go.

Piglet- I was thinking the same thing about parents being late for school how many would find it acceptable for a teacher to push a child into the playground, lock the classroom door and then go home leaving the child alone.