My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

[KattyB]

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

The only thing the OP can be faulted for is not getting telephone numbers of the party host

Were the parents who hosted the party foreign? I only ask because in places like Germany it would be perfectly acceptable to leave a 5 year old alone to wait for their dad to pick them up.

I know pigle it's ridiculous. I have been finding that on AIBU, that if it looks like the OP (or in this case the OPs DH) can be shown to have made even a tiny little mistake or error in judgement, then the jury sides with the other party, no matter what they have done. In this case people are deciding that being 5 mins late is worse then leaving a small child in car park.

There was a few weeks back a thread where a person refused to strap a child into a car seat and let the child climb about in the car. The MN jury decided that the OP was at fault. The OP had sworn at the woman so that made her in the wrong, whereas a woman driving a car whilst talking on her mobile, with an unstrapped child down a dual carriageway was ok. Gets a bit fucked up on here.

bibbitybobbityhat Why can't you believe it?

And muminthemiddle - Teachers used to do with that young children about 40 - 50 years ago. But young children e.g. 5 year olds were I think more mature tahn 5 year olds are now.

I know WhoseGot. It's like entering some kind of parallel universe going on AIBU at times

I am certainly not defending the party hosts, if indeed they did push a child out the door saying 'wait for your dad in the car park, see ya' which I very much doubt. I still think it's much more likely that they thought the child had been picked up or didn't see them as they left in the chaos of all the pick-ups. The fact that the OP left no phone no, nor had theirs DID contribute, as no-one could check with anyone else, the parents couldn't call the OP and say 'let me just check, is X with you?'

Yes the op did leave her number with the party hosts

We took my 5yo niece out with us for the day yesterday as her parents were at a party. My brother was 45 minutes late collecting her, didn't call, just turned up late. At what point was it ok for me to leave her in the car park at Chessington World of Adventures and go home?

Ok, if she (or rather her husband) did leave a number, at least they could contact her (and didn't:()

I love some of the assumptions on this thread that the child was left on purpose cos the Dad was late.

The poor party hosts will probably be mortified when they find out what happened.

Well I wish I'd known, because she ate all my posh crisps on the way home... :o

What difference would it have made if the OP had the hosts nr?? Should she have called to say dh would be 5mins late, please don't abandon my child in the car park??

No, I don't think he was left on purpose. I think the hosts were extremely neglectful and didn't make sure that all of the children were accounted for. And they bloody well should be mortified.

Well, TBH, I´d have to phone someone to try to find out what happened.

There´s a lot to be said for hosting a few friends at home!

'it is not usual to just drop your 5 year old at a party in a public place '
isn't it?? It certainly is round this way!

i wonder if the parents had to leave the non-collected child with the sports centre staff.Presumably they have policies about non-collection of children. If you can't get in touch with the paRTY parents I'd ring the sports centre.

tuga- I was someone who said the OP should have had the hosts nos - I meant that more generally, this is a good idea.

We once had a child picked up an hour later after a party (her mum had got the pick up time wrong). During the hour we rang the child's mum twice (got no answer) and tried to keep the child (who was getting worried about lack of parents) busy with different activities. It would NEVER have occured to me just to leave her on her own.

The only thing I can think of was that the hosts thought the OP's DS had been picked up - perhaps he was standing near another parent and they assumed that parent was taking him home. Personally I'd try to keep an eye on who picked up each child but I know it's not always possible when you have a lot and an influx of parents at the end. I would be really really shocked if it wasn't just a case of them overlooking him - in which case OP should be getting sincere apologies. However, although of course it was the host's duty to watch the child - I guess there is a lesson here - that we should tell our children not to leave the place where the party is and who to go to if they can't find anyone they know.

My goodness. At 5 I would have stayed regardless and have stayed with dd when she was 7 as she wanted me too.

Your dh either was later than he said and won't admit it as he doesn't want the grief.

The mothers genuinely thought all the children had been collected.

Or they wanted/needed to get off and weren't that bothered about leaving a small child alone.

Timings are quite important here in terms of when he was given the cake and when they left. Did they say bye to him I wonder or tell him to wait there for daddy.

Yes, generally it's a good idea. I sure would have done that, but it doesn't mean the OP is at fault (don't mean you Jamie).

Don't understand why some posters feel that an AIBU discussion is a good excuse to become bullies! Can't believe how nasty and unreasonable some people become!

And if I may just add my bit of experience: we had dds party in a gym, 2 hour slot, all organised, and at the end of the 2 hours, it was all cleared and we were all out as the next party was starting. So it does happen and doesn't take any credibility away from the OP.

Oh and it's also quite common aroud here to drop 5 yo children off at parties and pick them up at the end.

It's all very well to say the parent should have stayed anyway but I remember a thread about a month or so ago where the host of a party was pissed off because a few parents stayed and she didn't want to be faffed keeping them happy as well, even though they were lurking quietly in a corner.

You can't win on MN.

Yes, - it's quite normal to leave 5 year olds round here, as well (maybe not PFBS, or children who are a bit socially-anxious, but in general, once you've been to a few children's parties, leaving them there is a good time too have a break). I would always offer to satay to help out - hoping the host would decline . but it's a reasonable assumption that the hosts will have control of the situation.....