My five year old was abandoned at an organised party

[KattyB]

My husband took our five year old boy to a birthday party for two of his school friends in the local sports hall yesterday and when he came back to collect him, (five minutes late) all of his friends and their parents had left. There was another party going on afterwards, but my child was, well, abandoned. Not only that, but he actually managed to get outside the hall and was ?waiting for daddy? in the car park.

To say that I am angry is a little bit of an understatement and what could have happened doesn?t bear thinking about.

Don?t know the mums at all well and don?t have their phone numbers ?. Should I 'throw the book' at the venue???? What would you do?

If you throw a party it is YOU who is responsible for the well being of the children in your temporary care - nobody else.
Only a complete fuckwit would leave a 5 year old alone in a car park - either by accident or design.

Nojustificationneeded - that is a nonsensical comparison. I don't think anyone has suggested that the party organisers knowingly left a five year old in a car park. What I have said is that it is the responsibility of the parent to look after their own child. If you feel confident leaving a five year old at a party fine, but get back on time to pick him up. The host parents will have their own (over excited) child to look after, tidying up to do, people to thank, presents to collect etc etc etc and it is entirely possible that in the middle of all that a child could wander out without them noticing. I must admit I've thrown parties for five year olds and I never felt I had to hang on to every child until I'd seen them leave with a parent - I would just expect the parents to be there and to take responsibilty.
The OP's husband showed shocking disregard for his own son and should be ashamed. I can't see that anyone else is at fault.

blimey - yousank - really?

yep!

Completely agree with yousank.

OK

Well, don't know what to say to that. Ok, I do ....

Didn't realise some people show so little regard for other people's children

It is not showing disregard it is being realistic about how things happen. Can you really, hand on heart, say that when you've thrown a big party you have seen every child leave and known exactly who they have left with? I seriously doubt it.

Actually - I've only thrown a couple of big parties (I find them a big headache), but yes, I can say that. I recognise my duty of care to children I'm looking after. The parties I've thrown, i've taken people's mobile numbers, stood at the door and made sure my DSs have said goodbye to each child and thanked them, so yes I did know when they left and who with. If you can't manage that, then you shouldn't be throwing big parties without help.

I have also been at parties where the end is quite chaotic, party bags given out, other older children coming in with parents (who may or may not be the ones who dropped them off), some parents taking more than one child, the hosts totally overwhelmed with 20 or 30 children all wanting party bags at the same time. It shouldn't happen like that, but it does which is why I hate those types of parties! Two parents can't realistically line up 30 kids and have every single one off with a parent, they don't have the crowd-control. You can't physically keep your eyes on 30 children, and look at party bags, and look at the exit. They are not all quiet, lined up like school.

The last party I went to like this was a nightmare and the parents looked totally frazzled. And that's not to mention the bouncy castle which no-one was supervising, lots of kids a bit hysterical on it all at once bashing in to each other...

And, I agree with you Jaime, that is how it should be but my experience tells me that it is not, although the chaotic parties have tended to be whole-class, older/younger mixed in, bouncy castles and in halls, whereas more controlled parties tend to be in houses or playcentres where they have a much stricter door control!

It is showing utter disregard and a complete lack of responsibility. Quite apart from the fact that you're assuming that there were only 2 adults at the op's party.

But thank you. I hadn't realised how lax some people were about other children's safety. I would expect other people to take as much care with my child as I would with theirs. However, I now see that expecting someone to keep my child safe whilst in their care is totally pie in the sky. I didn't realise it was such a big ask. Needless to say, I won't be leaving dd at a party until she's old enough to call herself a taxi home in the case of emergencies...

I would disagree that it's somehow inevitable that you can't keep control at a big party.

I threw a big party for my son's birthday. There were about 60odd children there. (long story)

I prepared a speadsheet beforehand, got details of parents contact details and any allergy information.

I was waiting at the door, checked each child in on the spreadsheet. Checked in a few siblings too double checked that details were correct.

Checked them back out again at the end, with party bags.

It was very easy indeed.

I once stayed at a party because the host had basically underestimated how out-of-control children can get on a bouncy castle. Frankly I'm glad we're past these type of party. Seems it's great to get lots of presents and feel incredibly "popular", but if you can't manage then it turns out to be not terribly fun for anyone much

I don't think this is real but it has thrown up some interesting points. Number one, when you take a child to a party there should be a sign saying 'children left at your own risk'. Then you as a parent can decide on your next action. Number two, parents will vary in the 'caring' aspect of the other children and might not even know all the children present. Again, your choice to leave them. Don't assume that what you would do with 30 children is what every host will do, there isn't a manual.

At last, hocus.

I suspect it's not real, as well, but notwithstanding that, I think it has outed some dodgy idea of responsibility. No manual for that, granted, hocus. No manual for common sense either

Was it you bibbity? You NAUGHTY girl!!

No- it wasn't her. She's just happy someone is agreeing with her (see page 1)

I think

Quite, Jamie.

hocus - agree :o

I thought that was a double bluff...

I am one of those who only gives party bag to child as they are standing next to parent collecting them. Also who takes no's for emergencies. I am of the sit in a line, circle etc and only leave when your name is called. Overkill? Maybe? BUT I've never lost a child.

But then again with an allergic child myself I have made sure this is what will happen at parties he's at or sat away from party but within safe distance to know he's safe. DS is only 6yo but have left him at parties since he was 4yo. Mainly because he's youngest in school year so all parties have been 5yo and upwards.

Well this has made me think. I think I would be more careful in future if I had one of those big parties because it has honestly never occured to me that parents wouldn't be there in plenty of time to collect their own children. I suppose some parents are just more casual with the safety of their own children. I'm a bit shocked but an eye opener I suppose.